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Old 06-01-2007, 11:42 PM   #1
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I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

Hey mamas,

I am a frequent reader (lurker) but infrequent poster here on the parenting forum, but right now I could really use some advice and a fresh prospective from all you strong mamas out there

First the background facts that will help you understand my desperation:
Dh works 6 nights a week, we have a DD who is 4y10m, a DS who is 3y1m, a DD who is almost 11m, the baby is a full time cosleeper in a king bed with me, the other two are in beds in their own rooms, I spend probably 3.5-4 hours a day trying to get children to sleep and bedtime is a disaster here!

Kiera (the baby) will not nap. This is fairly new and I have been chalking it up to her being a fairly new crawler and cruiser. When I say she will not nap, I mean she is up for the day by 7 and usually down for the night (or at least that is the plan) by 7:30 or so, but usually nothing in between unless we are in the car for any length of time. So she is a basket case by dinner time. I know what her tired signs are and try to put her down for a nap (usually by laying with her to nurse until she falls asleep) 2-3 times a day. To no avail most of the time. Or she will fall asleep but then wake up 10-15 minutes later. But evenings are what has me desperate. Tonight I was in tears. Again.

We have dinner around 6 and then the kids play and I get the younger two into a bath around 7. Jammies, diapers, etc and baby & I are off to bed between 7:30 and 8. I leave the older two in the living room watching a movie (no flames, please. I am the only adult in the house 6 nights a week) and most nights they watch quietly until I come out after Kiera is asleep. Then there are the nights they start fighting over something like a toy or who is sitting where and screaming ensues. After all they are 3 and 4. Now again, Kiera won't sleep. She will lay down to nurse, but pretty soon she is trying to do it standing on her head, sticking her finger in my nose, pulling my hair, pulling up on the wall and jumping on the bed, trying to crawl away, you name it.

Other than laying down to nurse, what we have tried: rocking, swaying, walking with her, putting her in the sling (used to work), patting, singing, shhhing, nursing sitting (me). It is taking anywhere from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours to get her to sleep. Meanwhile my poor other kids are still watching movies...unless it is over. Sometimes (okay, often) I have to end up giving up on Kirea and putting them to bed first. While holding the screaming baby who won't sleep. My concern is for my other two mainly. This is not their fault and is not fair to them. What can I do? I don't want to CIO, but I don't know what else to try.

Sorry it is SO long, thank you if you made it this far!!

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Old 06-01-2007, 11:46 PM   #2
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

I'm so sorry mama, I'm not sure what to say. I have allowed my children to CIO never for more than 10 minutes without me going in and it's helped my family overall and I noticed no difference in my children and my relationship.
I know you don't want to do it so I won't suggest it, but it did work for us and we were a cosleeping family as well
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Old 06-02-2007, 12:11 AM   #3
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

We are sort of in the same shoes, just without the older children. DD (19 months old) goes to bed around 9 (yes that's late, but she got on that schedual and it works for us) and wakes up in the morning around 8-8:30 ish. DH is working nights right now, temporarly and she just won't go to frekin sleep!!!!! I do our usual routine for bedtime, nurse her and when she is done, instead of falling asleep while nursing, she wants to play. So off to bed we both go and it is usually 1-1.5 hours of me laying there why she does acrobats, nurses or whatever before she goes to sleep. She does take naps, usually I don't allow one after 3 in the afternoon, due to she will NEVER go to sleep then. I am interested in what others have to say on this, I have never let her CIO, but I am getting at my wits end. I work at home after she goes to sleep and this is cutting into my working time which means I stay up later and later and get less sleep myself.
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Old 06-02-2007, 12:22 AM   #4
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

I'm sorry. I don't have any suggestions, but I just wanted to extend my sympathy. It sounds like you are doing everything right. I've never heard of a nursing baby that won't SLEEP from nursing. I'm sure you're tiring to make sure the pre bed environment is calming in preparation for sleep? I read in the "No Cry Sleep Solution" book that that really helps gear kids down for the night. And a routine...but it sounds like you have that already. Dinner, bath, bed. Oh...if I hear of anyone in the same situation with a solution on some of the other boards I'll PM you.

Aubrey
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Old 06-02-2007, 12:25 AM   #5
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

oh mama - I feel your pain. We have one baby who is 13 mths and he is often very difficult to get to sleep. I haven't coslept and not sure if that makes a big difference (we tried but between the snoring, the moving and our worries of turning over on ds etc stopped that after 4 weeks or so), but now that ds is a little older, I still nurse him in the rocking chair, and then lay him down once he is sleeping or stops drinking...most times I have to put my hand on his butt (he sleeps on his tummy) and go back and forth - not a patting, but almost moving him side to side while I shh him and it normally takes no more than 10-15 minutes and he is out. Before that, that wouldn't work, and we had to nurse, then rock and if I couldn't go on, dh would come and rock and he would scream and then finally get so tired of screaming he fell asleep - this often took up to 1-2 hours.

Now he gets up after 1,3, 5 etc etc hours after he is sleeping - night terrors, teething (he has had 12 teeth for about 2 mths) and not much helped....

Sorry mama, I guess the only thing is to get a friend or family member or hire a sitter part of the weeknights if you can, so you can rock the baby to sleep and the sitter can take the 2 older children to bed.

Hang in there mama!

Tara

P.S. We don't want to CIO either, but after being up 6 times in one night - one or both of us (dh and I), sometimes even with the monitor on, we still do not "register" it is ds crying and it becomes part of our dreams - mind you this doesn't happen for more than about 15 minutes until one of us realizes what's happening and goes in!
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Old 06-02-2007, 12:29 AM   #6
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rrandle View Post
I'm so sorry mama, I'm not sure what to say. I have allowed my children to CIO never for more than 10 minutes without me going in and it's helped my family overall and I noticed no difference in my children and my relationship.
I know you don't want to do it so I won't suggest it, but it did work for us and we were a cosleeping family as well
ditto here. It worked for us and it really was relatively painless.
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Old 06-02-2007, 12:48 AM   #7
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

Have you tried a Mei Tai baby carrier? That might work to wear her on your back. She could be right up with you and the other kiddos and involved in their bedtime routine and fall asleep if she wants. If not she may be content enough to wait till you put them to bed so you could then put her to bed. That is what I do with my 9 month old. She also is so sleepy around 7 but with the clanging noise of my 2 yo and the fighting, yes my 10 yo and 2 yo, fight fight fight She falls asleep nursing only to be woke up 3 min. later, and none too happy about it! We also cosleep and I don't beleive in CIO for us, even though I did it with my 10 yo. I wonder sometimes if our relationship may be different today though had I not used CIO. She is fine and our relationship is pretty great but I think I may have desensitized myself to her in some degree when I did let her CIO. So, I wont do it with my youngest ones now. I still stay with my 2 yo till he falls asleep(rub his back, or hold his cheek ) My 9 month old is pretty cranky by this time too and wearing her on my back seems to help her settle. She likes to watch all the bedtime routine and sometimes falls asleep but usually just watches and when the other two are down I take her down and nurse her to sleep. She seems to know that the others are down and wont wake her anymore so she is able to go to sleep more soundly. For what its worth I am also the only parent in the house for dinner and bedtime, my dh gets home around 10:30 so I feel your pain I have also been in tears on several occasions......when everyone including me is in tears thats a bad time

So, thats my latest sure fire trick that usually works no matter the time , I throw her up on my back She loves it and the other kids like it too, like she is not in the way Good luck
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Old 06-02-2007, 01:15 AM   #8
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aubrey2007 View Post
I'm sorry. I don't have any suggestions, but I just wanted to extend my sympathy. It sounds like you are doing everything right. I've never heard of a nursing baby that won't SLEEP from nursing. I'm sure you're tiring to make sure the pre bed environment is calming in preparation for sleep? I read in the " No Cry Sleep Solution" book that that really helps gear kids down for the night. And a routine...but it sounds like you have that already. Dinner, bath, bed. Oh...if I hear of anyone in the same situation with a solution on some of the other boards I'll PM you.

Aubrey
I second this book. I wasn't able to go completely no CIO, but it really helped me try things that made bedtime MUCH less traumatic. If you are interested, I have this book listed to sell (thankfully DD has the bedtime thing figured out with no tears )
Lemme know if you are interested! (If you even have time to read...)
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Old 06-02-2007, 03:33 AM   #9
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

I can not reply here, only bc I have no idea what CIO is.
Tell me what it is and I will try to reply and offer some ideas. TY

Keep your head up mama! I'm a firm believer that God only gives us what we can handle.
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Old 06-02-2007, 07:08 AM   #10
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

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Originally Posted by rrandle View Post
I'm so sorry mama, I'm not sure what to say. I have allowed my children to CIO never for more than 10 minutes without me going in and it's helped my family overall and I noticed no difference in my children and my relationship.
I know you don't want to do it so I won't suggest it, but it did work for us and we were a cosleeping family as well
I did the same but went in at 5 mins and comforted- DID NOT PICK HIM UP though- so he got the message it was time to sleep. I was there and talking calmly and hugging, rubbing, patting then I would say good night and leave again. It WAS relatively painless and I have never regretted it. I was always against CIO- and still am in it's purest form- but getting him into a regular routine of good sleep has made him a great sleeper and a happy kid.

Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (in your spare time- LOL) Great book!
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