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Old 06-02-2007, 09:21 PM   #11
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

CIO isn't for us either so this is what we did (did not co-sleep with dd1, so you may have to tweak it to fit your needs)

Around 7 months old, she would wake at 3 am and NOT go back to sleep no matter what we did. She was going through lots of milestones and teeth so I figured she'd work it out herself. After nearly 2 months straight of her not going back to sleep for at least an hour, often 2 hours I had to do something. So I'd go in, pick her up for a hug, but still be right over the crib. Then I'd tell her that mommy and daddy love her but it's still night night time and point to the window that it's still dark. Obviously she was way young to understand that part of it, but I figured sooner or later she'd get it. Then lay her down and rub her head/back and shhh her until she fell asleep. The first night was the worst, she'd cry and want to be picked up. If she got really worked up, I'd pick her up and repeat that it was night night time and that we loved her until the tears went away and lay her back down. The first week or so this was taking just as long or longer than before but after that she got the idea that no matter what, she wasn't getting up to play and her time awake lessened. I remember being so elated when she was 'only' up for 45 minutes. I'm sure everyone thought I was nuts but after months of being up for 2 hours, it was pure bliss! Eventually she got to the point where as soon as we came in, she'd lay right down again and hold her hand out for her paci. The whole ordeal would be less than 2 minutes and then it finally clicked that it wasn't worth waking up for anymore.

I believe it was absolutely crucial for MY dd that I not leave the room. Even if my hand was on her, she'd look to make sure I wasn't trying to leave the room and as soon as I said 'Mommy's still here" she'd settle right down. By staying in her room she learned that she could trust me (well, she already did trust me, but i think YKWIM) Had I left the room, I'm sure it would have been devastating for her to think that mommy had left her by herself.

The second time we did this was 3 weeks after my 2nd was born, making her 17 months old. She wanted to be walked to sleep for her naps and having just given birth so recently, my body couldn't take it anymore and she wouldn't let us rock her for naps (but did for beditme ) So we did the same thing. I'd offer to rock her and when she refused she went to her crib. This time it only took about 2 weeks total before she'd let us rock her and then be out in about 5 minutes or less usually.

Do whatever you have to do get her to nap during the day. I'm a huge believer in sleep begets sleep. So if you have to take a ride every day do it. I'm sure your older two won't be so thrilled with it (unless maybe you havea dvd player in your car) but i'm sure they won't mind if it means getting more time with mom in the evening. A tip my parents used for us on roadtrips - we'd color baby wipes with markers. Not sure what was so fastenating about that, but my sister and I thought it was the coolest thing ever, probably because of the tie-dye effect.

HTH!

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Old 06-02-2007, 09:38 PM   #12
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

here is my experience... with DS #1 we coslept until he was about 2yrs... naps were always with me, and bedtime. When DD came along she coslept and DS pretty much stopped napping, as I couldn't lay down with him anymore most days with my colic-y DD... she cried ALL THE TIME, couldn't soothe her

Anyway... she got better at 3 months... we continued cosleeping with her until she was about 7-8 months... Up to that point she would nap by herself... But then at 7-8 months she refused to nap... wanted me to hold her, nurse, etc... but just as soon as I would set her down she would wake up and want to play, etc...

I got at my wits end on afternoon, in tears too... DH put her in her crib (which was set up in her room but never used)... He told me to go to the store and let he let her CIO for her nap... She was asleep within 45 minutes... he did check on her every 5-10 minutes...

I couldn't believe she went to sleep though! The next day on my own I laid her down and she went to sleep within like 5-10 minutes and by day 3 it was like 1-2 minutes... I discovered that my DD LIKED sleeping on her own... she slept better than ever before... we transitioned her to sleeping in her crib at night too around that time and I stopped nursing thru the night... It wa sthe best thing ever for us...

I couldn't handle the crying and feel for you mama with DH not there 6 nights out of the week... My 1st son still wakes in the night and wants to come to my bed... my daughter though sleeps soooo soundly she is now 2...

I am cosleeping with my 3rd child now and bf'g... I plan to keep him in my bed until around 7-8 months as well... He is sleeping well on his own... laying in the bassinet, etc during the day...

My newborn is almost 3 wks and I am already feeling the frustration of trying to tend to him with the other 2 kids (2yo & almost 5 yo) wanting my attention... help with something, a drink, LOL! I can't please everyone at the same time it seems and there have been a lot of tears this week, me included.

If it was too much of a fight with your 11 mo. I would let him stay up until your other 2 are down for the night... on the other hand if the 11 mo is whiney and cranky, etc. I would seriously try the CIO with reassuring every 5-10 minutes they are ok... and not picking them up, giving clear signal this is bedtime!
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Old 06-02-2007, 09:40 PM   #13
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

I swear I replied to this topic yesterday, and Blair did too.... what is going on
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Old 06-02-2007, 09:48 PM   #14
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

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Originally Posted by nikki25_3 View Post
I can not reply here, only bc I have no idea what CIO is.
Tell me what it is and I will try to reply and offer some ideas. TY

Keep your head up mama! I'm a firm believer that God only gives us what we can handle.
CIO=cry it out I agree with you...I just wish I had as much faith in myself as God does in me Sorry, i have no tips for OP, just wanted to clarify what CIO means. I hope things work out for you w/o cry it out~soon.
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Old 06-02-2007, 09:53 PM   #15
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

I am right there with ya. WE started our versionof Ferberizing tonight. DD is 10 months. I have been nursing her to sleep and EVERY time she wakes up allnight long since she was born. We usually bring her into our bed half way through the night for convenience. The last 3-4 nights she started playing around, jumping out of my lap and grabbing toys, trying to open the door, etc. Do I said "forget it" I'm not spending 2 hours trying to nurse her to sleep. So here we are.

Our method is for me to nurse her, kiss put her in bed and say goodnight. She cries for 5 minutes and then DH goes in and hugs her - DOES NOT pick her up- and tells her "it's ok, it's time to go night-night" and hugs and pats until she lays downand goes to sleep- takes about 30 minutes. He'll do it every time she wakes up tonight.

We did this with DS when he was 14 months and it took 2 nights. That was it. Ever since he's slept like a rock! And he did not seem to suffer any emotional repercutions. It's makes me feel a little guilty but what makes me feel more guiltyis running on NO sleep and having a short temper all the time and yelling at the kids

When it's time to make a change, you'll know what you're really ready to do.
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Old 06-02-2007, 10:01 PM   #16
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

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I'm so sorry mama, I'm not sure what to say. I have allowed my children to CIO never for more than 10 minutes without me going in and it's helped my family overall and I noticed no difference in my children and my relationship.
I know you don't want to do it so I won't suggest it, but it did work for us and we were a cosleeping family as well
I have to ditto this. My son was NOT a good sleeper. I finally realized *I* was his biggest problem. I never let him try to self calm, I always ran right to him. Well, that made him MORE mad and got him over tired. So we started with 10 minutes. I lay him down, let him cry up to 10 minutes. It was so so so hard, but I didn't give in. If he was still crying at 10 minutes, I went in and calmed him however he needed me to (even if he needed me to pick him up and rock him, that was okay). I'd make sure he was completely calm for about 1-2 minutes and I'd lay him down and start again. We started that at 8.5 months and by 9 months he was sleeping through the night (10-12 hours).

Now, at 10 months he got sick and hasn't slept since. But he's been teething something fierce and I won't let him cry when I know something is wrong.

Kids NEED to learn to self soothe. It actually helps them a lot. When we don't allow them to learn that, it hinders them. Now, I don't at all believe in letting a baby/child CIO for hours on end! But crying 10 minutes will not hurt your child. Some babies, like mine did for months, actually just fuss themselves to sleep. But even that ends.

Jackson is 14 months old now and every night I go in, and we turn all his stuff of (fan, music, disco ball we use as a night light ) and then we give kisses, I lay him down, cover him up, tell him "I love you sweet boy, I'll come check on you in a little while" and walk out. He doesn't make a peep. Just either goes right to sleep or plays in his bed for a few minutes and then goes to sleep.

Naps are vital, imo. They will help her sleep better at night and make for a happier baby. Think of it this way, yes, she may cry while she gets used to nap time, but you said in your post she's hysterical by dinner anyways. So shouldn't you put the crying to use at least and try to help her work through it and get a good nap in so she can have a happy day?

Non-sleeping kids are REALLY hard. Jackson still doesn't sleep through the night (we had that one glorious month and that was all). But he's in a brace so it makes him wake more, I think.
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Old 06-02-2007, 10:02 PM   #17
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

Oh and wanted to add that if mama isn't sleeping, normally THAT is hard on the parent/child relationship. If everyone can get a decent nights sleep, then the whole family functions better.
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We don't vaccinate, we kept our sons intact, we use cloth diapers, we co-sleep, we extended RF, we breastfeed, but we watch too much tv and I totally dig plastic! Everyone has their issues, lol.
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Old 06-03-2007, 06:29 AM   #18
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

The "No Cry Sleep Solution" is great, but so is "Nightime Parenting". I have kids almost exactly your ages and we ended up welcoming everyone back into the family bed. We have a king and set up a toddler bed at the foot of our bed, too. I have a co-sleeper/bassinette next to my side. We all go to bed at the same time together. My three year old is usually the first asleep right next to me. Then I can usually get the baby to sleep and guide him into the co-sleeper. The oldest is last and she chooses the toddler bed or our bed. I love "Nighttime Parenting". It is the reason I did not resort to CIO!!! (BTW, do you know Ferber recanted quite a bit of his theory, or rather "revised" a lot of his recommendations?)

This, too, will pass!!
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Old 06-03-2007, 06:50 AM   #19
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

((((HUGS)))) I would highly recommend a mei tei or wrap for the babe. Instant sleep inducer for us.

ETA: hey this is my 500th post!
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Old 06-03-2007, 07:10 AM   #20
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Re: I don't wanna CIO, but I'm out of ideas, please help!!!

One suggestion a sleep dr. (yes, it got that bad here) made for us was to give baths about TWO hours before bed, as a warm bath can actually raise the body temp. making it harder to fall asleep (your body temp. drops when you sleep). Have you tried an earlier bedtime? If dc is missing naps, when it's bedtime she'll be overtired, also making it harder to fall asleep. An earlier bedtime may also help compensate for her sleep debt. Sorry you're going through this and alone. We've had lots of tears, too.
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