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Old 06-05-2007, 01:35 PM   #1
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Ugh.. FED UP!

Hello, My name is Jennifer, And I've turned into a Monster Mom"



I'm Embarassed to Admit, but I've turned into something I didn't want to turn into AT ALL.

I feel like all I ever do anymore is Scream and Yell at miranda. We get into these HUGE Battles everyday.. It never changes. she's 2 years old! I shouldn't be fighting with a 2 year old! I admit I'm quite the control freak so we get into power struggles all the time.. Which i know is a BIG NO NO. It's just so hard not to... atleast for me.

She's Got a horrible Attitude, Back talks and is as sassy as they come, and of course Hits. and I can't seem to figure out a way to STOP the behavior. By the time DH is home, I just want to put miranda to bed and go to bed myself.

Before, Time outs worked. Not anymore. she just kicks and screams now, until I give up.

I hate to Admit but I have Spanked.. Don't like doing it.. but it worked for that moment.. but I'm finding now, it doesn't really work long term OF COURSe I knew that before I started spanking.. and now if she does something i've said no to, i see by asking her if she wants a spanking, she quits.. and it's not something I want to be saying at all, for more than one reason.. but the big one is that it's normally a empty threat, and she's going to figure it out, the other reason is I don't want her to be SCARED of me... I'm just out of ideas.

I wanna fix the problems before they get any worse (AKA she turns 3 in september. lol)

I want us to be happy again.. I think part of the reason she acts the way she does is she's Bored. I'm out of ideas to entertain her, and the things I come up with Bore the Snot out of me, so I get tired of doing it with her, but she wants me to continue, when I really don't want to. So I say no and stop, and she screams at me, I scream back, and there you go, one more fight for us that day.

She's quite independant which is good, because she mostly plays by herself, because I can't think of anything to do with her. We live in washington, therefore it's normally rainning. lol when it's not, we go outside. And I don't drive so we don't go anywhere.

I quit with potty trainning because I was annoyed with it.

I have NO PAITENCE.. so tell me how you find some?! lol I try to control the yelling and screaming, but some days, I just loose it, and of course, those are the days she ends up spanked. (On a side note, everytime i see that smiley i think it's laughing and running away. lol)

Right now she's playing in her room.. being awful quiet actually, so I better go find out what she's into. lol

I just need some kind of suggestions on how to get over this problem we seem to have..

Thanks everyone!

Jennifer

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Miranda Isabel(ASD/Anxiety/ODD/SPD) (10) Jacob David(Anxiety/SPD)(6)
& Levi Alexander(ASD/Anxiety/SPD) (3)
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Old 06-05-2007, 02:33 PM   #2
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Re: Ugh.. FED UP!

Will she play with playdough without eating it? Does she like water? Take a bath! No matter what time of day - a bath can be entertaining and break up the boredom and monotony. You can also try simple art projects with her: paper bag puppets, finger painting, collages.. another fun thing to do is get a cheap can of shaving cream and spray it all over the kitchen table - then take her clothes off and let her play with it! Outside stuff you can do: sidewalk chalk (as long as she won't eat it!), bubbles, 'painting' with water (on cement or even the side of the house), play with mud..

For us, when we spanked, it caused problems with hitting. If we hit our kids, they just decide it's ok to hit us too and at that young of an age they can't comprehend that what's 'ok' for mom and dad to do is not ok for them! Try reading Playful Parenting (Cohen), it will be helpful now and even more so later! Try your best to head off the tantrum! If you can see she's starting to get flustered or frustrated or upset, acknowledge it and ask how you can help her through it. "I see you're getting upset, lets try to fix that before we continue." If she's copping a major attitude, just simply say "Mommy can't hear you when you talk that way. You need to be nice if you want me to listen." This may take a while for her to really grasp and she may need some help - like prompting her with the proper words.

Time outs can work, depending on how you go about it. If you sit a small child in a corner or a chair and just say "You're on time out." they'll really get nothing out of it. We like to keep a special spot set aside for us to sit and work through problems together. It is a time out as we are taking a time out of what we are doing to deal with whatever issue it is that came up. If they need to sit there alone for a little bit before talking things over, that's fine. But it's important that they have a chance to express how they are feeling and have those feelings acknowledged so they can learn how to deal with them constructively.
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Old 06-05-2007, 02:37 PM   #3
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Are you Christian? I don't want to offend if you're not, but a friend directed me to www.aolff.com for ideas for gentle disciplining. Even if you're not Christian, you can read what you want and leave the rest.
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Old 06-05-2007, 02:42 PM   #4
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You're not a bad mom...I think we all have our moments! You have totally described my son. He's 4.5 and obviously has gotten better, but he sure has been a struggle to raise! He didn't back talk or hit, but he did everything I said not to do! Honestly, I find manipulating works wonders. You can't do this (something you want them to do) because you didn't talk nicely to me. That works on my kids, LOL. As far as time-outs go, I know a mom that bought a cheap (and unsafe) carseat at a garage sale for $5 and put that in the time-out corner. Then put her child in that and buckled them in for time-out since her child would not sit in time-out otherwise. Just an idea. You just need to step back and get creative on how you can fix some of the problems you have. It's all trial and error and nothing works for every child, that's one thing that makes parenting so hard. And everything changes every 6 months, it seems like....I'm always reworking my parenting strategy (just a little, as they need to know what to expect and be consistent!) as they learn new skills and go through new phases. With my son, I made a list of all the unacceptable behaviors he was showing (good place to put in the hitting, talking back, etc) and then made a list of things I would like to change (maybe sassiness?). When I looked at my list I realized that the things I had in the "it would be nice to change" list, was the very things that made my son, my son and his own individual. I can't and wouldn't work on fixing those behaviors (to a point....sassiness needs to be controlled as they need to respect authority, etc). The other list was things that would affect his way of functioning in society or could hurt himself or other people. Those were the most important to change and then just pick one or 2 to work on first and sit her down and present to her the new rule or whatever that you made up to help her get rid of this bad habits. Remember that bad habits/phases take time to lose and be patient....if you can (as it's hard, I know). Use rewards or loss of privileges maybe? There's lots of things you can try. Find what works for your child. There's tons of different parenting approaches. Go to the library check out a few and try something you've picked out for 3 weeks. If it's not working then try a different suggestion, tailoring it to your lifestyle and child. It took me a couple of tries but I found something that worked for the time and had a wealth of information in my head so I was more prepared when that stopped working a year later and was able to just switch quick onto something else and it worked! I think making a new goal of a behavior to work on with her every 2 months or so would be pacing it nicely. Just work on the most important for the safety and peace of everyone first.

Good luck! We all have these hard times with our kids sooner or later, part of being a parent, I guess!
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Old 06-05-2007, 02:48 PM   #5
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Re: Ugh.. FED UP!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenn5388 View Post
I hate to Admit but I have Spanked.. Don't like doing it.. but it worked for that moment.. but I'm finding now, it doesn't really work long term OF COURSe I knew that before I started spanking.. and now if she does something i've said no to, i see by asking her if she wants a spanking, she quits..
Ditto. Nola knows that spanking and time in her room are bad bad bad, and she stops. That's the only thing that makes her stop doing whatever it is she's doing (like sitting under the desk pushing buttons on computer parts). I'm at a loss with her too sometimes. So I'm not really any help, but you're not alone not by a long shot.
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Old 06-05-2007, 02:55 PM   #6
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Re: Ugh.. FED UP!

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Are you Christian? I don't want to offend if you're not, but a friend directed me to www.aolff.com for ideas for gentle disciplining. Even if you're not Christian, you can read what you want and leave the rest.
An excellent recommendation. You can also check out http://gentlechristianmothers.com/ for more resources from Crystal Lutton and others, including a great community of moms who always have lots of helpful ideas.
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:07 PM   #7
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Re: Ugh.. FED UP!

Can you get a sitter or part time day care for a week or two? You need a break. Will your family help out? Your dd is pushing your buttons. Funny how they can do that at such a young age. A break would make life much better for you. Just to ride a bike or take a bubble bath. Spoil yourself you deserve it. Possibly the dynamics between you 2 would change some when she came home telling you what she did and you were relaxed and lisitening. Being together 24/7 is tough even with your dh or best friend. It's tough with kids, too. Good luck!
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:14 PM   #8
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Re: Ugh.. FED UP!

I agree with PP. When you say the thing you want to do most is put her to bed and go to bed yourself that pretty much indicates that you need time alone. Maybe take a class or go sit in the library or someplace where quiet is mandatory! I LOVE the library for that...and their never ending supply of magazines.
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:17 PM   #9
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You sound so much like me about a year or so ago. My dd is probably the same age as yours (she's turning 3 in Aug). I quit my job and stayed home with her while I was 5-6 mo pregnant with my second (so she's probably about 17mo then). Well, I HATED myself for all the stuff I went through (exactly all the stuff that you described). So, we decided that we'd hire somebody else and I went back to work full time. I did and couldn't be any happier.
I know I might sound like an ignorant mom to some leaving my kids with a stranger. Well, she's a qualified & licensed aupair and she has MUCH HIGHER tolerance level than I do. It's been working out GREAT for us (we've been having her for over a year now) and my kids know that she's an 'aupair', not their mommy!!
I spend every free minutes that I have with them. I know it can't compare to the moms who stay home with their kids but I believe my time with them is a quality one. I never wanted to go back and do anything differently. We're lucky to have this aupair and grateful that I have her.
So, don't feel bad that you're feeling like you hate yourself. You might be better off going back to work like I did. But that's just my opinion!
Good luck! It's tough to be a mom and not feeling guilty at everything you do or don't do!
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Old 06-05-2007, 03:21 PM   #10
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Didn't read all-gotta run, but my DS is about your DD's age-he used to be the angel child, now he's, well, horrible!!! One thing that helps is, "By doing _____, you're telling me you want __________." The blanks are filled in w/ positives for good and negatives for bad- By running away from me, you are telling me you want to go inside now.......By petting dog gently, you're telling me you want to give her a dog biscuit or whatever. I'm with you mama-I'm so tired of yelling. Oh, and at this age they don't get "Now!"-they've never seen it.
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