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Old 06-21-2006, 01:24 PM   #11
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

My vote is that you are being reasonable and to 'forget' to call them when you go into labor!

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Old 06-21-2006, 01:39 PM   #12
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

Yeah, sounds like the best option is not telling them when you're in labour, and only telling them after the baby is born, when you're set to receive visitors.

Glad you brought this up -- I hadn't thought about when/how to introduce my daughter to her new sibling. I'll definately want private time with just her, the new baby, and my husband before we receive visitors.
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Old 06-21-2006, 01:48 PM   #13
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

Quote:
Originally Posted by deejahd
My vote is that you are being reasonable and to 'forget' to call them when you go into labor!

ITA!

I understand people being excited but, come on! Birthing a baby by whatever means is hard. You're worn out from pregnancy, you have people poking you all night long, a baby that won't leave you alone and the phone ringing off the hook. Who needs a poker party in the lobby waiting on you?

Wait as long as you want to call. Leave a message on your answering machine with information for incoming calls. Have one close friend arrange for meals to be delivered if you want. Make DH stand guard at your door for people that just drop by. He can always just say you're in bed with the baby.... Protect that time together. Ask for people to come help you with the vacuuming if they want to see the baby! Have a chore list ready! "Sure you can come see the baby. BTW, I really need help getting this toilet scrubbed. Can you help me?"

Hope some of these ideas help!

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Old 06-21-2006, 02:02 PM   #14
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

i LOVE tabitha's ideas! "sure you can see the baby, after you scrub my kitchen floor and fix my toddlers' lunches" hehe, great idea
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Old 06-21-2006, 05:24 PM   #15
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

I didn't want MIL or my mother in the delivery room...mom didn't come into town until ds1 was about 10 days old...but she was here for ds2's delivery (on her bday)...I let SIL in during delivery because she's wanted kids for the longest time...and then about...well...it was 2 yrs in march...she had to have a complete hysterectomy and i felt it would be really special ifshe could be in the room....so I allowed her in for both deliveries. So it was dh, sil, medical staff,and myelf With ds1, mil & fil came in after he was cleaned up. With ds2, mom was at our house with ds1 and we needed some things...so mil went to our house to get stuff and my mom and our ds...and they were to wait for our call to let them know when a good time to come was...because ds was 5 days shy of 19mo and really difficult in places where he can't touch everything! Anyway....it was an accident, but i'm completely thankful that we finally called them...and I was so worried they'd get there before ds2 was born and i'd have to tell them to wait outside (which would've broken my moms heart)...but ds2 apparently got my drift and came out quickly! He arrived about 10 min before they did I was relieved.

Ok...long and rambly for: You're not being at ALL unreasonable. I'd "forget' to call them!
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Old 06-21-2006, 06:22 PM   #16
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

this is YOUR labor, YOUR birth, YOUR body, YOUR child. This is your choice and no one elses!
IF you want it to be a bazillion people in there fine, so be it. But if you want 2 people then they need to respect that reguardless of thier feelings.
HTisnk aobut it, this is something really really intimate and personal. IF you feel like moaning or screaming or are wanting to be naked then would you be comfortable doing it infront of others? If women arent comfortable or secure in their surroundings it does affect thier labors and births to some extent. So, to ensure a good labor and birth make sure your wishes are met.
Im sorry that i feel so strongly about this, but women tend to feel so obligated to have a houseful of people or a room full of people that they dont want to be there. Make them wait!lol A few hours wont kill them, youve had to wait 9 months!lol
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Old 06-21-2006, 08:40 PM   #17
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

I totally agree with you. I was very adamant that no one be waiting at the hospital for me to deliver. Our families respected our wishes.

If my situation was the same as your, I would forget to call during labor.
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Old 06-21-2006, 11:18 PM   #18
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

i had the opposite problem, not that i wanted the whole town there but i wanted my mom!! when i was pregnant with DD her father and i split at 2.5 months so he wasn't around and my mom was the only one with me in the delivery room (and a doc and nurse) so when DS was getting close to my due date i got scared and went home i wanted to be close to my mom in case she wasn't able to make the 4.5 hour drive in time (which she wouldn't have he came in just over 3 hours) we went home on dec 15 and everyday were at the hospital getting checked (i was moderate risk) finally 10 days overdue i went into labour and becaus ei had my mom there for my first labour and she was so good and supportive i wanted here there again (and DH of course) but no amount of begging would get here there with me, she kept say over and over that DH was enough and she didn't need to be there this time!! and after he ws born she came to the hospital for a quick 5 minute visit on their way threw town they were going to plentywood for newyears!! the one person i asked and beg to be there wasn't but the one person i stressed to not to visit the hospital was!! she showed up at 7 am before work and then at 8 pm and stayed untill the nurse kicked her out at 11:30!!!!! the nurses wouldn't let her in the second or third day thank god!

but i understand the not wanting visitors at the hospital!! that is for you to recouperate!! not visit with the rest of the hens!! DH has a huge family and we had to ask that no friends visit and even some reletives just because if every body came it would have been a revolving door!!! but i wa snot shy in stating CLEARLY who was and wasn't allowed at the hospital my friend figured this didn't mean her! just be clear and stand your ground
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Old 06-21-2006, 11:44 PM   #19
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

i totally agree with you! my dd birth it was just dh and i, my mom flew in the next day and his mom flew in a week later. for ds birth, dh was deployed so my mom was my dh, my aunt was there, as well as my two cousins. mil had my dd and also my sister, so she never showed up. my dh's aunt came 2 days after having ds. so i got lucky with not having any visitors really. when my cousin had her ds 2 months ago, everybody and their mother was there, and she looked really upset. especially when she was trying to get ds to latch on properly and people in the hallway were commenting on giving the kid a bottle so they could see him!
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Old 06-22-2006, 12:09 AM   #20
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

You're not being unreasonable. Too many people now adays want to make it a circus in a labor/delivery room. For goodness sakes... a woman is trying to birth a child, she shouldn't be made to feel as if this is a major Oscar performace-Steven Spielberg production! I'm always telling people that the only two people in my room (aside from a doc and a nurse) are the same two people that where there at conception. Otherwise, don't waste my time showing up because I'll kick you out. When I'm in that much pain, my give a darn is busted about so-and-so's feelings.

Sorry, but I feel very strongly about this type of thing. My grandmother contacted me after the birth of my DD3 and I got yelled at for not allowing my mother to come to the hospital for the birth. Uh... we were living in a hotel at that point (getting ready to move across the country) and we have two older children. Gee, what could have been more perfect than for Oma to spend time with her grandchildren she never sees (my father is military too and we don't live close to each other ). Needless to say, my grandmother got an earful. I really don't care what others think they are entitled to. When I'm giving birth, it's a very private thing and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm too scared to do a homebirth, I'd just want my DH there.

I'm not a guineau (sp?) pig nor will I be made to feel like I have to perform. I don't care if someone out there enjoys having 10 people in the room while they labor (my sister was one of them)... but for me... no thanks.

GL!!!
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