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Old 06-23-2006, 08:11 AM   #31
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

I agree with the above comments... However I will state that my MIL is a B**** and when I was in labor, it was comforting for my husband (and I really didn't care) for her to be there (can you tell he is a bit of a mammas boy?) anyway, when she was there, was the only time I have EVER seen the caring side of her. She was calm, collected, and massaged my feet and legs. I loved her being there.

That being said, she screwed things up with my little one and her and she would never be in the room with me next time...

This is your baby and YOUR family (you , your husband, and your children) you make the choice. It is different for everyone.


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Old 06-23-2006, 08:42 AM   #32
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

not unreasonable in the least. I went further and said no visitors for the first week. My mom was PI$$ED!!!

oh well.

I dont know when the 'miracle of birth' turned into a Spectator Sport?
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Old 06-23-2006, 11:23 AM   #33
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

You need to satnd your ground. If they won't respect you with these requests then it may get worse later in life. I mean if they know there are rules and they have to follow then life will be better. I have a friend that is dealing with her own mother about giving her kids sweets and soda. She tells her mom no all the time and has started to tell her daughters no as well.

The way I see it.....your delivery is about you. I mean hello how fun is it to be naked in front of the entire world. Plus labor is not always the most comfortable. I only have Dh and the midwife at my deliveries. I have a 5, 3 and 1 year old and I am not a fan of the kids seeing the delivery. However we had told dd (5) that if she wants she can be there.I think she said no. For us my parents have always come and gotten my kids and dog when I went into labor. I told dh that I wanted him all to myself during labor. After the baby is born we normaly call my parents and tell them the baby is here. But that call happens after I have deliverd the placenta, baby has been check out, I have had a shower and check. Since I have my babies at home I normaly wait until the house is cleaned and I am dressed and in bed. Dh would allow our older kids to come home with my parents and maybe wait in the living room unitl I was ready. I have been lucky enough to have good deliveries so far.
For my first my parents came over and watched the baby downstairs while dh and I slept upstairs. Then when I was ready dad made me pancakes and mom cleaned the house.
You need to stand yuor ground with this. It will really determine your relationship with these people. Do what you want and don't worry about others. People get mad when they don't get what they want.
I remember people at church getting really mad when I would not let them hold my babies. We decided to not let them hold the babies except family at church. If we did then the baby would be passed around all the time each Sunday.
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Old 06-23-2006, 11:25 AM   #34
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

the ONLY people that have been in the room for my 3 births have been me (obviously, LOL!) dh, nurse & OB...NO ONE else!! With #1 we called my mom & they arrived when I was delivering but WAITED to see her until I was back in my room. #2 my mom was watching #1 for me, she came about 2hrs after I had her & was already back in my of my younger sisters did arrive during birth, but that hospital had separate delivery rooms at the time & the nurse told me she was there after birth & asked if I wanted her in. i let her come in during the 1hr recovery. #3 the other 2 were at my moms & we had moved 2.5hrs away & my in laws who lived a few blocks from my hospital (and we had dinner with them before I went in to be induced that night) stayed away until the next afternoon. I was VERY thankful to have it just me & dh, especially with #3 because they have the L&D rooms, it was quiet, dimly lit & just the 2 of us with Sofia for about 3hrs after her birth (by then it was almost 6am so we let them take her to the nursery).
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Old 06-25-2006, 03:37 PM   #35
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

you are totally breing reasonable.
Each women should get to birth how she wants, with who she wants.
Some women really thrive on other being there, and they want lots of people there....others just want a couple close family or friends, and some only want dh/partner...heck, i know some women who prefer to birth completlely alone!

It really is up to you, and if your family is offended, ...SO?! It is NOT about them. Tell FIL and MIL that if they let you attend their next Pelvic/Prostrate exam, you will let them come to your birth!!!

Personally, only my dh was present for my first child's birth.
For the second, right now i am thinking it will be just him and possibly dd. My mother really wants to be there...and some parts of me are okay with it, but some aren't. Same thing with my sister, i was thinking I would allow her to be there, but she recently informed me that she will be having her baby in a...
GACK, hospital....and now i don't feel right at all about her being there.
If some sort of medical issue comes up I don't feel comfortable with, we might invite a local midwife. Otherwise, just me and dh and dd.
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Old 06-25-2006, 07:57 PM   #36
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

Soo... did you talk to your IL's??? How did it go?
Linda -- proud mom of Rachel (20), Joshua (15), Elisheva (7), and Moshe (3), and 2 wonderful grown stepdaughters.
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Old 06-25-2006, 10:21 PM   #37
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

They wound up not coming up. My MIL is such a b*tch!! She loves to tell people that I never let her see her grandson and stuff like that, but then when I try to invite her up here (they live about 90 miles away) or make plans for all of us to get together, she always has better things to do. She wants to see him, but only on her terms. Anyway, there was this "Celebrate America" thing at a local farm last night and it was a huge deal...we've been looking forward to it for months. It's a working farm with all the animals, they were also having a craft show, car show, hay rides, train rides, all those inflatable bouncy things, face painting, bands, fireworks, etc. for the whole family. My cousin just got hired as the marketing director for this place and he got us free tickets. We've been planning for it for months...the only thing I was concerned about was the 100 degree heat and all the walking for me. I *KNOW* that I've mentioned it to MIL twice and even sent her a postcard with the date on it and dh swears he's reminded them several times. He said that he forgot it was this weekend so he called them Saturday morning to see if they were coming. I thought it would be nice for them to get to *do* something with DJ and it would have taken some of the pressure off me if I could sit and rest in the shade a bit and know that DJ was still getting to have fun. MIL said it was too last minute and that we should have invited them sooner because they already had plans to work in the yard yesterday so they would be tired and if we wanted to stay home, they'd just come to our house for dinner but otherwise, no thank you. Ummm...let's see...DJ's been talking about riding horses and feeding cows and riding the train and watching the fireworks for weeks so now we're just going to stay home so his stupid grandparents that he doesn't even like can come and stare at him sitting in the floor? Then she offered to meet us halfway for breakfast this morning (because we already had plans for this afternoon). So after all that excitement all afternoon and evening and fireworks, and an hour drive home (the farm is actually closer to the ILs than to us), we're going to wake the 2-year old up at the crack of dawn this morning to drive down there and have breakfast...and it has to be at the crack of dawn because Heaven forbid they should miss church for us (they didn't even want to come see DJ have Christmas morning because they would rather go to church with SIL and BIL...who have no children!!) I put my foot down and said absolutely not. And DJ's birthday is this weekend but dh has to work so I told him that under no circumstances are they coming up here next weekend either. So now she has plenty to go and tell everyone about me!!

Anyway, I was pretty sure that last night would put me into labor if anything would so we were joking about it all afternoon. On the way home, I was pretty sure that I was in labor...contractions less than 2 minutes apart that were taking my breath away...I couldn't talk, couldn't stand up, could barely was way worse than actual labor with DJ. Since we've already been to the hospital twice with this pregnancy, we've pretty much decided we're not going back until my water breaks so even with all that, we went home to wait. DH called my parents and told them not to get too comfortable because we were probably going to be bringing DJ over there any minute but I ordered him not to call his parents and told him that we would call them tomorrow when things have settled down. He was mad but he asked me if it was really that important to me and then he didn't call them. Of course, once I got rehydrated and rested a bit and took a shower, the contractions just fizzled out so none of it was an issue anyway but I'm hoping that he is starting to come around and will hold off on calling them or at least ask them himself not to come. Honestly, I feel bad about not calling them...I want them to know what's going on, I just don't want them there looking over my shoulder, ya know? Why can't I make them understand that!
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Old 06-26-2006, 02:08 AM   #38
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

When I had my first baby, I was only 18 and wanted my mom and sister in there. I was so glad they were there because my baby's dad was useless! (we weren't married yet) BUT, there were several people outside who I didn't invite in, but they pushed in anyway. Including my dad, who I did NOT want seeing all my stuff!
All the rest of my labors were away from family, so no one was in the delivery room except dh and I. I had a harder time with the rest of them, I don't know if it was because my mommy wasn't there or what. But the older and more mature I got, the more I was thankful to just have dh in the room with me.
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Old 06-26-2006, 10:30 AM   #39
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Red face Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

You are being totally reasonable. My MIL tried to invite herself to my dd's delivery. She did show up and sat in the waiting room and it drove me crazy. DD wasn't born until 1 am and then I was tired and just wanted to be alone with my dh and my baby so we could sleep. But my mil sat around in the recovery room with dh and I at 4 am. I was so annoyed and am STILL angry and dd is now 9 and half months old!
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Old 06-26-2006, 11:31 AM   #40
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Re: Am I being unreasonable? (sorry...long)

I totally agree that your wishes should be respected!!! DH has a big family, and we agreed beforehand that in Labor & Delivery we would have my mother and his mother in with us and that was it. I wasn't so worried about many others being there except for 2 of my SIL's. I knew it'd be hard to keep them away. I made a point to tell both of them beforehand that I didn't want anyone else in L&D and that we would call them when we were ready for visitors. SIL #1 took the hint and stayed at home with her kids, but SIL #2 came with MIL and stayed IN OUR ROOM until I finally found a chance to let the nurse know (right before my water broke!) that she WOULD NOT be present for this child's birth!!! So they basically told her for me... But she stayed in the waiting room until MIL went and updated her that I'd be pushing soon and then SIL came and SAT OUTSIDE THE DOOR of the delivery room!!!!! It drove me NUTS!!! By then SIL #1 had decided to come on down with her SICK son. After DD was born, there was so much going on and I hadn't learned to be assertive about my nursing needs yet, so they took DD to the nursery and I went to my room to find it FULL of people!!! I'd arrived at the hospital at about 6am, and this was at 8pm and I was pooped, I hadn't eaten all day, and I was not up to entertaining guests. They stayed until after 10, I didn't get a chance to try to nurse DD again because they wouldn't leave the room at all and I was too shy to try it with them in there. When they finally left, I asked the nursery to bring DD to nurse, she wouldn't nurse again, and I told them to bring her back to me shortly because they had to take her back for some reason or other. I woke up 4 hours later to the nurse bringing her back to me and when I said I was going to try to nurse her, the nurse basically told me not to bother, THEY'D JUST GIVEN HER A BOTTLE!!! I was so p****d!! I was in a horrible mood the whole next day, and all the in-laws showed up again, this time SIL #1 had brought all 4 of her sick children (they had colds and pinkeye!!) and without asking, plopped DD in their laps one at a time!! After that experience, I told DH that we would NEVER have a birth like that again!! This time I was very upfront with family and told them that I did not want anyone there that day, they could visit the next day, and that I would not tolerate any sick visitors. SIL #1 actually kept her kids with the GI bug at home this time and SIL #2 didn't show up until late evening the next day. I was afraid of looking like a b!tch, but I learned that I have to do what's best for our family and not worry about p***ing anyone off.
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