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Old 06-13-2007, 05:56 PM   #1
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My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

This is a really long story, so if you're interested I can send you email correspondence, but here's the short version. My dh's parents divorced 25 years ago, and right before they divorced his father had an affair with a woman who is now is wife (and has been for, well, about 25 years!). Now 5 years ago my dh's mom died from breast cancer, and we decided at that time that if we ever had a dd we would name her after his mom. So, when my in-laws found out they flipped, said that they basically couldn't love a baby named after my dh's mom, and I said that it was their choice, but if they felt that way then they would not be able to be in contact with my ds (who was 2 at the time) because it wouldn't be fair to my dd to see preferential treatment solely because of her name. Anyway, they tried to force the issue and get us to change her name, but it was only 2 weeks before her due date, and we really felt that we wanted to honor my dh's mom. It's now been just over a year, still no contact--am I crazy for feeling that they really should be the ones to contact us (I've sent pictures & updates over the past year) or do we owe them an apology?? HELP!!

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Old 06-13-2007, 05:58 PM   #2
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

That is SO sad IMO, you don't owe them anything!! They had no reason to get mad! Sorry there being this way
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Old 06-13-2007, 05:59 PM   #3
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

Absolutely not - that is the most insane story I have ever heard. It is also childish of them. You don't want your children growing up with people like that around, even if they are related. My grandparents disowned us when we adopted a little girl with CP - good riddance (I don't know if I spelled that right or not, LOL - but it is close I think). I have never looked back or been upset and that happened when I was in high school.
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:01 PM   #4
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

Their loss. I can't believ their nerve. You dh's father was in the wrong way back then. That means they still must be in shame over what they did IMO. They are lucky you send pics!!
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:02 PM   #5
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

Totally ridiculous! I wouldn't appologize for a single thing. I think it is honorable that you and dh named your baby after your dh's mom. It sounds like your fil and mil are petty. How could you not love a baby because of its name! Jealousy! How very sad. They are the ones missing out.
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:24 PM   #6
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

I'm trying to be objective here, and I think both sides may have said some things they didn't mean. It's easy to do in the heat of the moment and I know I have said things in the past and really tried to totally blame the other party. Then I realized it didn't matter who was 'to blame', but that I missed that other person and it was up to me to make the first move. I did and things are much better now. Have you thought of speaking to someone (professionally as in a councellor) about this? It may help you sort things out in your own mind. I have only seen a councellor once, when we lost our daughter, and I was amazed how much it helped. I didn't think it would help at all. But back to your issue, I think if you make an attempt to reconcile and your in laws won't... then you will know for sure you have done all you could. It just sounds like you're second guessing things and that way there would be no doubt, that if things didn't work out, that you didn't do your very best to make things work out.

Good luck!
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:29 PM   #7
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

I think the attempt is sending the pictures and updates...
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:31 PM   #8
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

Quote:
Originally Posted by CheapMom2B View Post
I'm trying to be objective here, and I think both sides may have said some things they didn't mean. It's easy to do in the heat of the moment and I know I have said things in the past and really tried to totally blame the other party. Then I realized it didn't matter who was 'to blame', but that I missed that other person and it was up to me to make the first move. I did and things are much better now. Have you thought of speaking to someone (professionally as in a councellor) about this? It may help you sort things out in your own mind. I have only seen a councellor once, when we lost our daughter, and I was amazed how much it helped. I didn't think it would help at all. But back to your issue, I think if you make an attempt to reconcile and your in laws won't... then you will know for sure you have done all you could. It just sounds like you're second guessing things and that way there would be no doubt, that if things didn't work out, that you didn't do your very best to make things work out.

Good luck!
I agree that counseling would be helpful. Here is a link to an organization that deals with peacemaking. http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958131/k.830F/Get_Help_With_A_Conflict.htm#Q1

In the long run the relationship is worth the effort. Sure they made a bad choice and a rather childish one but they may also be regretting it. I think it's great that you have sent updates to them and I would swallow my pride and hurt and make that first step at reconciliation.
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:35 PM   #9
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

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Originally Posted by earth_mama06 View Post
That is SO sad IMO, you don't owe them anything!! They had no reason to get mad! Sorry there being this way
I agree, they are being childish, this is your child and what you choose to name your own baby is your choice. i would stop giving them updates, let them come to you and appologize, they owe it to you and your dh and kids
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:41 PM   #10
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

I wouldn't apologize for a DAMN thing! They are clearly insane!
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