My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

[mommy2alisa]

Originally Posted by J'Wa no way! even if they don't like her she is still your DH's mom... gosh how sad

I can't believe they would let something like that stop them from seeing their Grandkids. They are idiots.

[mommypatton521]

it's totally a control problem and they will either get over it or not. It's not your fault it's your dd not theirs to name.

[mattie baker]

Ok here is what i think....life is too short to have long held grudges, and even though they are in the wrong (as far as i know from your post), and you miss having them in your life and the lives of your children than you should apologize. don't get me wrong not for naming your kid the name you gave her or defending the right to name her that. but just an apology...cause if you want things to be right once again and sending pics to update them are not enough than maybe they are too afraid to make the first big move like communication. so if you make the first move by just saying i am sorry things will happen and most of the time the sorry will be returned by a sorry which was supposed to be the first but to proud maybe to say it first. this is all like i said if you truly want to have them back in your world. so i leave you with this...good luck on what ever you chose to do and my your decision be the right one for you and your family.

[poohnbuki]

[QUOTE=hackermd;1280130]"wow. well I'm sure you probably said more than what you've put out here today... BUT bottom line is you've included them over the year"

Okay, just to clear this up, here are parts of our email correspondence. My FIL did not ever try to contact us at all, we only spoke with my MIL. They are kind of long sections, but it gives all of you mamas a true picture of what happened. I will say that there was never any screaming/yelling/etc., all discussions via phone (between my mil & me) were normal conversations. I made the mistake of sending an email, which I sent because I couldn't get a word in edgewise when we were on the phone...but that's still my fault. Ugh, I'm clogging the blog with this issue!! These are two sections of the correspondence, his response is in red: "As I said during our phone conversation on Friday, Eric and I look up to both of you as role models. You have raised three great boys, and we admire you for the sacrifices that you have made for them. Both of us really loved seeing Ed with Elias-to see him playing with him like he's a kid himself! Elias loves you both tremendously, as do we. [FIL] Love is more than making verbal statements. Diane and I have endured a great deal in order to try to have a relationship with Eric. It would have been much easier to close that chapter in our lives and move on. "

"We want you both to be a part of our lives and the lives of our children. We value you as parents and grandparents. However, if you are unable to love Rebecca the same as the rest of our children, I won't be able to allow you to be a part of their lives. I will not have my child (or children) hurt by their Grandparents. I just can't allow that. It is my job as their mom to protect them, and I will."[FIL] That is you job and do it to the best of your ability. I am not too sure why you would want us in your lives when we are selfish and hurtful without consideration for any of you. If we are as bad as you have stated it seems the least contact with us the better your life will be.
BTW we didn't ever call them selfish and hurtful. I said that there actions SEEMED selfish and that they hurt us (which in his eyes was the same as name calling...)

So there it is...now I do want to fix this, even though over a year has gone by, but where do I even begin? And, how can we actually be a "normal" family? YIKES! Help!

[Ooey]

Originally Posted by 4xMommy I wouldn't apologize for a DAMN thing! They are clearly insane!

Rebecca is such a lovely name I say good ridence to them

[ZooCrew10]

Ignorant, just ignorant. You have nothing to be sorry for, they do, sweety! sounds like something ignorant my own mother would do....she told me that for child #3 (first with my husband) that she wouldn't be able to love that baby if she weren't present for the birth....needless to say she wasn't notified of my induced delivery!!!

[faithmom]

Well, from your last posting it sounds like you are certainly trying to work things out and doing a good job of remaining respectful. I do agree with you and think that you are doing the right thing in protecting your children. It would certainly cause more harm to your kids to be around grandparents that would hold such anger and bitterness toward your DH's mom that they could not look past it and see your precious daughter to love.
I find it ironic that your FIL just wants to "move on" from the past (assuming his 1st marriage) but then won't. Obviously he has not forgiven whatever happened in his first marriage for him to make the name of your daughter such a huge deal.
Remember these things take time and unless there is a change of heart on their parts not much you say will make a big difference.

[L2S2C]

That is so sad that this is all over the name you chose for your dd. Good luck in mending your family

[kimsclothkids]

Originally Posted by heidisue Absolutely not - that is the most insane story I have ever heard. It is also childish of them. You don't want your children growing up with people like that around, even if they are related. My grandparents disowned us when we adopted a little girl with CP - good riddance (I don't know if I spelled that right or not, LOL - but it is close I think). I have never looked back or been upset and that happened when I was in high school.

You don't owe them anything. If they are really like that, then your DC's dont' need to be around them anyways.

[DiaperDiva]

to the person who sai about holding grudges...

to me it sounds like she trys to work things out to no avail! if they are gonna disown her family, thats on THEM AND NOT HER! she can apologize but that wont chage the fact they disowned them over her daughters name. so its really THEIR choice, not hers.