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Old 06-14-2007, 08:35 AM   #31
mamandeyuri
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

Don't let it rip your heart out, I have 2 lovely little ones without grandparents. My parents don't like dh because I am black, (they make up other reasons...) and dh's parents don't like me cause I'm not a country club member and I have ds1 (his Y chromosome donor forgot to tell me he was married...)

In this case you need to find some "adopted" grandparents. Older friends at church, who will love your children and accept them. You can keep trying to patch things up, but it may wear on your marriage. FYI, my family didn't want me to put dh first and kept saying bad things about dh to ds1!

If they don't want to make an effort to change you can't make them.

And keep praying about it!

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Old 06-14-2007, 08:58 AM   #32
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

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Originally Posted by poohnbuki View Post
So there it is...now I do want to fix this, even though over a year has gone by, but where do I even begin? And, how can we actually be a "normal" family? YIKES! Help!

after really thinking about this... and reflecting on my own personal similar (but not with name, just with family and stupidity) situation...

Just call them and see what happens.

Enough time has passed (it's been a complete year since communicating?) that it's probably become embarrassing for them to initiate talking, or they are stubborn as mules!

Sometimes... you can just pick up the phone and see what happens.
Who can possibly NOT care for a child once they set their eyes or hear the sounds they make? Babies are here to make our hearts melt and make us forget the bad things, and remind us of the good things life has to offer...

If in fact they are still unfortunately still DUMB, then next time give it two full years and try again No, seriously... pick up the phone or plan a visit to them and see what happens. IF it appears as though the topic might come up, or if you're feeling brave or have the energy for a "fight" then start out by saying, "I'm sorry if you felt as though I was saying you are selfish" yadda ... "I was feeling hurt at the time and didn't know how to tell you exactly what I was feeling as I was caught off guard by the whole situation. It's unfortunate a whole year has gone by where it was unresolved, but I do want to tell you I'm sorry for that." Maybe they'll have dropped it all... but if they are anything like my sister, they'll stuck being pissed off by thinking you called them selfish, more than anything else! It may have started out as them not liking the name, but be certain it's turned into something else all together when you stuck up for yourself and your children.



You've got a normal family... and you will have them back in your life if you pick up the phone... how that relationship will start up again is up to you... take the blame or pretend nothing happened, or let your freaking cute kid wipe their memory clean of all resentment... you do have options here. Pride aside.
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Old 06-14-2007, 09:04 AM   #33
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

I have never heard anything so ridiculous! YOu have been sending pics and updates and they haven't even responded? Your dh must be really ticked as well! I would send one more update and say something like, "it would be great to see you sometime." If they don't respond, then it is their loss. What small people to not want a relationship with their grandchildren over something like this. I am sorry you have to deal with this.
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Old 06-14-2007, 09:04 AM   #34
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

you do not owe them anything, you are doing the right thing by sending them periodic pics etc, they need to make the next move.
I am so sorry you have to have relatives like that...
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Old 06-14-2007, 09:43 AM   #35
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

Total selfish insanity!!!!!
Your Dh's father caused the divorce- why should he hate your MIL so much that even after she is deceased he won't have anything to do with her granddaughter that is named after her?
Good riddance! You shouldn't have selfish crazy people like that around your children anyways!
I know it's hard though.

ETA- I wouldn't send them pics and updates- they should have to earn that!
They don't deserve to know your children- you were right to say what you did- they can take that and shove it!
Sorry- I too have had problems with family- most of ours have been nothing but a disappointment since we have had children and I've had to cut several out due to the best interests of my boys.
Good luck but be strong and stand by your convictions! You did nothing wrong and maybe after a year of NO contact at all (including pics etc.) they will see what A**es they have been and come crawling back with apologies.
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Old 06-14-2007, 09:47 AM   #36
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

emotional manipulation pure and simple.

maybe FIL feels a bit guilty?

stick to your guns.
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Old 06-14-2007, 09:50 AM   #37
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

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emotional manipulation pure and simple.

maybe FIL feels a bit guilty?

stick to your guns.
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Old 06-14-2007, 10:53 AM   #38
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

You're a better woman than me sending them updates like that. They know what they're missing and it's all coming from their end.

[FIL] Love is more than making verbal statements. Diane and I have endured a great deal in order to try to have a relationship with Eric. It would have been much easier to close that chapter in our lives and move on. "

That seems to me as if he wanted to do the same with his own son when he divorced. You don't need people like that around your children. God only knows all the stuff they might tell your children regarding your husband's mother. You and your children are better off without them until they and they alone realize what they're missing.
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Old 06-14-2007, 11:28 AM   #39
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Re: My in-laws disowned us over our DD's name

First of all, you don't owe them any form of apology.
If you feel like you want to try to have a real relationship with them, just pick up the phone and call them and see what happens. Sometimes small things turn into big things if they're left to fester over time. And when you re-contact the person, you might all realize what a silly thing this all was.

HOWEVER - I think personally, that you should have your husband handling this. Yes, they are your family too now - but this kind of stuff should be left to your husband to handle. Let him make the call, let him email, or whatever you decide to do.

In the end, there may be a lot more 'stuff' under the surface with your FIL, and maybe the name is just the scapegoat - the thing he uses to get all of his other emotions out.

But please, don't apologize to these people. You did nothing wrong, they're bullying your family emotionally and your children are paying the price for it. Put forth whatever effort you and your DH sees fit, but I wouldn't ever utter any words of apology.
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