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Old 06-22-2006, 08:37 PM   #1
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Was this an outrageous request?

So, after almost 10 years, ex and I are on fairly civil terms, and he's really mellowed for the most part. He has a girlfriend, and Ive been remarried for 6 years, and have an almost 4 y.o. from the 2nd marriage. Ex speaks to his kids on the phone (he lives almost 1000 miles away) almost every night, and visits with them a few times a year. Last time he came was a couple of months ago, and he hung out here. My youngest, (not his kid) was intrigued, and really understood that this was the daddy of her half-sibs, and she has a different daddy. Since then, she's been bugging me every time he calls, she wants a turn to talk, too.

So, finally, the other day, I had to talk to him about something, and asked him if he'd be willling to say a quick hello to her; he had been so nice to her when I came to visit, and she wanted to be like her big sibs. He was really weirded out, and refused. I said, OK fine, and after the kids were done, I called DH and let DD say hi to her own daddy, which was fine.

But I'm wondering... Later, I asked DH whether he thought I was out of line to make the request, and what he woudl do if his ex asked him to say hi to her son. He said he didn't see what the problem would be; if some little kid wanted him to say hi, he'd just say hi. so what?

What do you think? Was I wrong to ask?

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Old 06-22-2006, 08:42 PM   #2
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

No I don't think that was out of line. SHe is just wanting to be included. All her siblings talk to him on the phone I don't think it would be hard for him to say hi to her too. That was kinda rude on his part.
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Old 06-22-2006, 08:53 PM   #3
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

I think it all depends on the relationship kwim? I keep my younger kids away from my ex... just because they dont have any involvment with him other than him being his siblings dad... hope that makes sense if you and your dh are fine with it and you have a good relationship with your ex then there is a reason you were comfortable to ask....
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Old 06-22-2006, 09:02 PM   #4
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

the one time in 6 yrs my X talked to my dd he talked to my other dd (not his) too. it was quite amusing for my older dd to say "you might be my father but your not my daddy that I love" she was 5 when she said that

I dont see what harm it is for him to say hi to her, my girls pretty much both talk to anyone that calls even dd's school aged firends talk to her preschool aged sister on the phone.
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Old 06-22-2006, 09:12 PM   #5
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

there was nothing wrong with you asking, and it was really kinda rude for him to say no... I mean really, it is not like you asked him to support her!!!
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Old 06-23-2006, 02:52 AM   #6
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

Thanks; I feel better.
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Old 06-23-2006, 03:54 AM   #7
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

I don't think it was an out-of-line request. My neighbor has three kids with an x and one with her hubby. Her x doesn't take the other one with him anywhere, but does always say hello to her, and make small chit-chat. I really don't think a quick hello on the phone should be ovverboard to ask for, especially from a little kid who likes to talk on the phone.
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Old 06-23-2006, 04:58 AM   #8
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

My DH talks to his ex's 5 yr old son. In fact every time I go over there to get my DSD the little boy always ask where my DH is and why he didn't come.

Last edited by Shay; 06-26-2006 at 09:37 AM.
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Old 06-23-2006, 09:26 AM   #9
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

My little bro is 8 years younger and has a different dad than me and my older sister.

My brother's dad died when he was 4.

It was hard for us to go away with our dad and to talk to him when my brother didn't have a dad to talk to or visit. BUT my dad would have NEVER, EVER talked to my brother on the phone or taken him with us for the afternoon.

I think it's too bad - it isn't too much to ask, but you have to respect his right to say no when discussing a non-relative (in that sense).
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Old 06-23-2006, 09:33 AM   #10
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Re: Was this an outrageous request?

I don't think you were wrong. My brother's ex wife has two other children from her 2nd marriage, of which my brother has now known since they were born. Everytime he goes to pick up his kids, he plays and talks with the two younger boys. He's even bought them Christmas and bday gifts. He figures they are his children's brothers, plus they are kids and are innocent Of course my brother's wife has a problem with it but that's a whole other story But I don't think you were wrong.
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