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Old 07-15-2007, 11:56 PM   #11
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

Why does that sound like my daughter (she'll be 3 in November)? Just today I told her not to get on the couch because I was working on my yarn, which she KNOWS not to touch. So she kneels on the edge of the couch and reaches out her hand and touches (just barely) the yarn. All while grinning at me. My boyfriend use his "tone of voice" on her and she broke down crying. Me? I can't even yell at her to get he to stop.

Oh and to the PP who recommends "Raising Your Spirited Child"... I personally found that the book only really works for children are a little older. It applies to my daughter (and myself), but solutions aren't geared towards toddlers so well.

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Old 07-15-2007, 11:56 PM   #12
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

Time out is a punishment.

This is how Leila managed with 2 pitbulls -- the *dogs* got my attention when she did something POTENTIALLY harmful.... She got *no* attention. Repeatedly. She learned easily & longlastingly that there are better ways to interact with me.

Not every book is perfect for every situation or family or individual: I adapted it to suit my life with a toddler.
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Old 07-15-2007, 11:59 PM   #13
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

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Proactivity. What I'm seeing is a recognition that the yelling & belly-aching is part of the problem. It's obvious it's not part of the solution. Get to the core. Focus on the underlying issues within you as well as your children. Weeds grow back unless the entire root is removed.
Mama, if you can tell me what it is, please do it. I will be indebited to you if you can. Dh and I are at a loss and at our wit's end, KWIM? Our ped said time-outs, but they haven't work thus far. Every evening we switch out and new activity on the main table of the living room so he wakes up to something new and exciting to do. He plays outside every day. Sugar is a rare/occasional treat. I have a 3 month old so I give him as much of my time as possible. Don't know what else I can do unless I am overlooking something.
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:00 AM   #14
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

I have a little boy just like this mamas. I too recommend a lot of the books the previous mama did. I'm a first grade teacher as well, so I also have a few tricks up my sleeves, but there are days when I need to remind myself that he is only two. I found the best trick from these books is to use toddler language with them. It seems stupid but it does wonders. Here is an example: My son grabs something that he isn't supposed to have, yet has climbed up with his superman strength and gotten it for the umpteenth time. Instead, of screaming about the fact that I told him a hundred times not to get it or something like that, you would say in toddler speak, "no, Noah no get that. Poison. Owwie to Noah." Most of the time, he will stop in his tracks, look at me in understanding and follow my directions. "Noah, put it down. put it down and no touch." This is the same boy who, if I would have screamed and yelled at, would have turned and run with it.

Remember mamas, part of what they do at this age, is to test things. They also test their parents limits to see what and how far they can go with things. It is not defiance when they look at you and do it anyway. It is to see what will happen if.... Use a quiet calm voice, speak to them so they can understand and try to speak to them at eye level, get down on your knees when you can to talk to them. Half the time they are just trying to get your attention. My son gets into the most trouble when I'm "busy". They want your attention and if the only way they can get it is to do something negative, they will keep doing it. So take the time to really engage them in a positive way. Catch them being good and praise them. They will get attention any way they can, so if you give them lots of praise for the good things, they won't need to try to get it by doing the negative things.
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:00 AM   #15
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

Only you can know. You're the only one who's experienced your experiences. Family counselors are generally quite helpful with this though....
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Old 07-16-2007, 12:05 AM   #16
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

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Time out is a punishment.

This is how Leila managed with 2 pitbulls -- the *dogs* got my attention when she did something POTENTIALLY harmful.... She got *no* attention. Repeatedly. She learned easily & longlastingly that there are better ways to interact with me.

Not every book is perfect for every situation or family or individual: I adapted it to suit my life with a toddler.

Oh, this works for the little things easy. Mama I need help for the running in the street, etc. I'm not kidding. We put up a 6 ft privacy fence to keep him wrangled and two weeks after, he had dragged a smaller trash can over, turned in upside down and was using it to get on top of our city can and halfway over the fence. This is the insanity I am talking about. Our previous ped said give him a climbing/physical outlet like Little Gym. uh-huh. Honed his climbing skills for the first few weeks. Then he got bored and wanted to run the waiting area. I told dh just to pack him up and leave when he did that (I was nine months preggo at this time). It was a painful financial discovery for us.

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Old 07-16-2007, 05:25 AM   #17
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

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I found the best trick from these books is to use toddler language with them. It seems stupid but it does wonders. Here is an example: My son grabs something that he isn't supposed to have, yet has climbed up with his superman strength and gotten it for the umpteenth time. Instead, of screaming about the fact that I told him a hundred times not to get it or something like that, you would say in toddler speak, "no, Noah no get that. Poison. Owwie to Noah."
That works with my 20 dd, too. She'll often repeat back to me, much later, what would happen if she did something I warned her about. As in, last night, she was trying to climb from one chair into the chair with her booster on it at the table, and the booster chair was tipping and scraping on the floor. I only had to say - ____, please don't do that. She looked at the chair tipping, then at me, and said - "no, no climb in chair, ______ fall down, go boom on butt on floor, OUCH! BOOM!"

I find using fun words and sounds helps - she loves making the booms and ouches really loud and graphic. I think it gives her a "place" to hang the instructions in her head and makes them kinda fun. We have any number of "fun" terms for injuries here - bonkas, headdy-bonkas, hurtses, etc.

I think when we keep yelling at kids, all they hear is a stream of noise - like charlie brown's teacher. I catch myself about halfway through rants and realize all I'm doing is throwing bunch of words, and loud, angry ones at that, at dd. Keep your speech plain, use short sentences, and give very brief, concrete reasons for things, things they can visualize within their experience. Like the pp said about how she described the cars in the road to her dd - big, heavy, fast, and can't see kids are all things within a kids experience.

Coincidentally, this is the case with teenagers, too. You throw too many words at them, they stop listening. Keep your instructions/comments short and memorable, they're agreeable. Uh, but don't try the toddler talk thing with them.

I have yet to be tested by a 3 yo, but it's coming, and I feel for you moms trying to raise your kids w/o them becoming terrors - I think we all have a basic horror of our child being that kid - the terrible one other parents look at and shake their heads, and the one non-parents look at and judge harshly.
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Old 07-16-2007, 05:50 AM   #18
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

Done the 2's 3 times, doing the 3's a third time and yes 3 IS worse than 2!! I agree that fewer words and simpler words work well, but there are still the times that they just don't listen....my ds is told no about going under my youngest ds crib, he laughs, smiles and turns and does it while you are standing there! Guess what, about 3 weeks ago, the crib fell apart because he had lifted up the bar on it and I did not know about it until at 2 am, I find my screaming 5 month old on the floor!! Man, I wanted to throttle my ds, yes, in the am I yelled at him for playing with it cuz he was doing it again.
Another is him running his trucks though the house, he have HW floors and it is so loud, he knows he is not supposed to do it and at times he will come flying around the corner see me laugh and continue, you say Josh where do trucks play? he says in my room, and continues on his little voyage through the house...
I just think that they are learning more about them selves the world and want to test as much as they can....but then there are times that I really thin think that my ds does it just because he wants to, no there reason than that.
So I kwym...I have spanked, I have used little words, he puts him self in time out...and you know what at the end of the day sometimes I am so frustrated that I just wanna leave.
to all the 3yr old mamas out there!
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Old 07-16-2007, 06:23 AM   #19
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

Hugs to you Mammas! One of mine stayed in the terrible two's til she was 21. It was not really the terrible 2's just budding independence. (you see better looking back)It is not easy to live with a child who is able to defy you and even gravity at times. The only book that really helped me was "The Mother's Almanac". It's crunchy too. But it may be out of print. I ordered one last year as a gift and was able to get it no problem from a book store.Not a preachy book but a fun book. I loved it and still do. I walked to the park, around the block, everywhere I could to get my kids tired. Like a little escape from the house and house work. That is probably the reason I have one or two brain cells left! Remove them from the situation and let them burn off the excess energy. Make it fun! That way they want to do it everyday. Plus walking helps you build up more energy as well. Good luck! ps if all else fails take the kid to Grandmother's for a day so you can rest!
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Old 07-16-2007, 06:32 AM   #20
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Re: Terrible TWO's? What a joke!

I am struggling with my almost 5 year old right now.
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