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Old 07-03-2006, 05:34 AM   #1
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Question Children present at birth?

So, I am trying to decide if I should have my dd in the room when I have the baby. Lilly is due on her 4th birthday and my dd is scared to death that I will have the baby without her. In general dd is a great kid and can withstand hours at the hospital so that is a non issue. She sees me naked, comes to every doctor visit (internal exams as well), loves hearing the hb and seeing the ultrasounds. Thing is she is a bit young still, will it scare her? Should I have her at the hospital but not in the room? Anyone have their smaller children present for the entire birth?

By the way, ds is 11 1/2 and in no way wanted to be there for the birth of his sis (at 7 1/2) or wants to be there for this one. Funny how boys are so different.

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Old 07-03-2006, 05:44 AM   #2
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Re: Children present at birth?

I can't help much, since I've never done it. But if she's so into it, I'd let her be there at least up until transition and the pushing starts. Then I'd let your DH be the judge at the moment of how well she's handling it and whether she should wait out the last little bit in your recovery room (or whatever the equivalent is at your hospital/birth center). With the promise, of course, that Daddy will come get her as soon as Lilly is here and she can be one of the first to see her.

It's quite possible, if everything is explained to her ahead of time what to expect, that she won't be frightened by it. It sounds like she is very astute and interested in the whole process. As long as she doesn't become frightened it could be a very good experience for her. But I would guess you all would be the best judge of it based on your daughter's personality.

Whatever you decide... good luck on D-day!
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Old 07-03-2006, 06:19 AM   #3
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Re: Children present at birth?

We've tossed around the idea with our now 7 year old daughter.
I think if you do decide to let her...make sure to have an extra adult who can take her out of the room if necessary.
Other than that I personally don't see anything wrong with it.
I'm hoping for a homebirth this time so all children will be here just not sure about in the same room etc.
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Old 07-03-2006, 07:39 AM   #4
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Re: Children present at birth?

I'm hoping my oldest will be present. She will be 9 years old. She keeps wavering back and forth. I'm planning on sharing birthing books and videos with her so that she'll be prepared for what actually happens.

I would also love for my middle child to be present...she will be one month shy of 4 years old by the time of the birth. However, she is very sympathetic/empathetic (high needs), and if she sees me in pain she will very most likely freak out.
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Old 07-03-2006, 07:50 AM   #5
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Re: Children present at birth?

I work in the L and D that my last 3 babies were born in. My two oldest dd (6 and 9) were there for my last baby's arrival. I made sure they were totally prepared through videos, talking through certain scenarios, that there would be blood, etc. I also had my mom there for them exclusively. That way, if there would have been a problem, they wouldn't have been "on their own." It was a great experience! They were great and really had no big questions or concerns afterward. Like I said, I made sure they were very prepared. I plan on having them with us again with baby #5. You may want to check with your hospital and caregiver to see what their policies about it are. Good luck!! Heidi
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Old 07-03-2006, 07:55 AM   #6
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Re: Children present at birth?

It's funny- this topic came up on another board I post on as well! I've got 3 kids-waiting on #4. When I was having my dd#2, my son was 4 years old. I thought that I wanted him in the delivery room up until I started to push. I did have someone there that was totally responsible for him, but when the contrax started getting really intense, I actually didn't want him in there anymore. I found that I couldn't focus really well on what I needed to do and see his sweet little face worrying about me. With dd#2 I didn't even think about letting either my son (then 8) or dd (then 4) stay with me. I let them know that they could come and go in the room with me as they wanted to, up until it was actually time for the baby to come. They felt better knowing they could check on me. With this one I talked with my ds (now 11) to see if he might be interested in being there for the whole thing. He made it clear he think's that's gross- and his current career choice is to be a forensic pathologist doing autopsies! He told me in his opinion a son shouldn't see his mom having a baby. So- since he's not interested, we're not even gonna talk about it.
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Old 07-03-2006, 08:08 AM   #7
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Re: Children present at birth?

At our hospitals no body under 12 is allowed in the delivery room when you start to push. I'm acually not even sure if they are allowed in there while you are laboring or not.

I am not going to have any of my children present when I birth this baby(mine will be 4 and 2)...I just dont' want them in there yet
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Old 07-03-2006, 08:09 AM   #8
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Re: Children present at birth?

When I wasd pg with dd#2 My midwife and I discussed this and she said that I should have someone there for dd#1 to be with to ask questions and our give her comfurt if she needed it. My dd has Aspergers and I am glad I had my mother in law there to play with her that day. I labored and I could hear Megan and grandma in her room playing things like school and house. Every once in awhile they would come check on me then they would go play again. So I would say to you is have someone there for your dd.

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Old 07-03-2006, 08:17 AM   #9
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Re: Children present at birth?

Maybe it's not the best idea then. I am not into having anyone in the room except dh and I, dd would've been our exception. Of course ds is allowed in and out as much as he wants as well. My mom would drive me insane as would MIL so I couldn't count on them focusing on dd. I guess I figured dh would handle it but what if she freaked at the pushing part. Need to rethink all this I guess. I had ds leave at 4:45 to get something to eat and little did I know that dd would arrive at 5:05 after only 2 pushes. Ds took 1 1/2 hours to push out (big head) so that would be a lengthy time to have to deal with dd. I've got to call the hospital to set up a tour so I will see what their policy is.
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Old 07-03-2006, 08:53 AM   #10
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Re: Children present at birth?

i personally would rethink it...esp if it's dh that would be tending to her. the pushing part could really scare her, and every delivery like pregnancy is different. also if it did scare her, b/c you were in pain and bleeding that could affect how she feels toward lilly for a little while. she just MAY be too young to fully understand it all (i say MAY b/c we don't really know what all those brilliant little minds hold in there lol). personally my 1st ds was in labor room for a little bit, thanks to my sister not listening to my requests (i really didn't want him there, not b/c i don't love him but b/c i didn't think i could handle that while trying to go as naturally as possible) and it was hard to focus on the task at hand and try to pretend like mommy wasn't hurting.
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