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Old 08-08-2007, 11:22 AM   #1
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2nd+ time moms

Okay... for those of you mamas that have more than one child, were you kind of "mourning" the 'Just You and Me' with the oldest sibling?

For some crazy reason, every time I think about DD coming to visit me in the hospital after this baby is born I just start to cry. I mean, I feel sad that it won't be just us. Do you know what I mean? Of course, I am completely stoked about having another baby, and I can't wait to love on this new kid, but a little part of me is heartbroken.

Does this make any sense or am I just nuts?


wife to Tim (10/23/99)
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Old 08-08-2007, 11:23 AM   #2
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I only have one DD, but I find myself worrying about that when we do have another!
WOHM to DD Kathrynn (5-08-06) & DS Jonathan (2-27-09)wife to Lee (8-10-02)
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Old 08-08-2007, 11:27 AM   #3
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I remember that. I was sure I could never love my second as much as my first. I felt like I was punishing my first by having another.
I have 3 now- soon to be 4- and I think having a sibling is a wonderful gift for our children. They always have a play mate- won't be lonely, and who of us as adults wouldn't love to have a couple of sisters that we were close with sharing every detail of our lives with and a couple brothers to help us out and protect us???
Lee Ann RN student/ SAHM to Jaret '00, Spencer '03, Preston '05 (CLW at 37 months), Griffin '08 by VBAC (CLW at 21 months), & Mallory '10 by VBAC (CLW at 43 months)! Formerly tandem & bfing for a combined total of nearly 11 years! Also cloth diapering & baby wearingMy HUGE FSOT
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Old 08-08-2007, 11:28 AM   #4
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I'm about to have my fourth and yeah... totally get that feeling all the time. It's just your vision of reality setting in that something is going to change and there will be no going back, kwim?

I made sure (and make sure) to keep a connection with each child when the others aren't around just so they know that we still have that connection. It'll never be the same, but kids are pretty resilient and they recognize the dynamic change for what it is.

can't wait to see your newest addition mama! I know you're almost there!
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Old 08-08-2007, 11:39 AM   #5
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

i felt bad for ds when i got pg with dd, we prepared him for the arrival and he did great with her since the day she was born, they are very close to this day.
i was worried about jealousy, but it never happen which is great! this time around, i feel kinda sad for my dd who is the baby of the family and i think we might have problems getting her to accept a new family member, me and dh have talked and talk to both ds and dd and talk about the baby and how he will be here soon. we just need to spread our attention and make sure no one feels left out, hopefully we can do that with no problems
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:00 PM   #6
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

This is normal, but as Lee Ann aka 3boysforme stated a sibling is a wonderful gift to give a child. My children love that they are having another baby, they kiss my belly and hug it goodnight.
Crissi wife to my very best friend for 19 yrs. Momma to 3 boys and 3 girls, 6-17 yrs old!
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:11 PM   #7
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I went thru that during my first trimester....I know it will all work out but it's just getting used to the idea that it will be different.
Krista, mom to Alex 8-11-04 and Maya 9/4/07
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:33 PM   #8
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I feel bad that SHE wont have all the one on one time anymore, of course we will still get our time togethe, but I think I am more looking forward to getting a break lol. I love her more than anything, but I am most definatly looking forward to this part in our relationship
Jonita wife to Eric SAHMommy to Graceen 6/9/04, Mackenzie 2/27/08
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:38 PM   #9
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I saved this poem that I got from another baord when I was pregnant with my second. It always made me cry. My dd's are 2.5 and 9 months and they are the best of friends, but I worried about how my older dd would handle the new baby.

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly, I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me," And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again. You cry, I cry with you. I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you. But, then, I notice your resentment change, first curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But, something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments, and I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally as strong. And my question is finally answered to my amazement. Yes! I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.
Aimee - CD'ing, BF'ing, BW'ing, SAHM to DD1, DD2 , DS , and edd 10-10
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:44 PM   #10
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

im 6 weeks pregs w/ #2 and i felt like there was such a bond with #1 when she came. i too am so worried about loving the new one the same way, but my husband promises me just as it was so natural to love dd#1 it will be just as natural to love #2. but then again i still have 8 mths to get used to the idea...u only have a few weeks. i am sure it will be natural. good luck, lots of hugs!
another friend told me its like how you love both of your parents, you love them in different ways and they both do different things for you but you don't necessarily love one more then the other just you love them in different ways and for different things....i thought hummm ok that makes sence.
Nicole, married to my lover Scott Happy Mormon mama of 3 beautiful girls Ella 10/2006 Julia 3/2008
And baby Anna Belle born 1/31/12
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