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Old 08-08-2007, 11:50 AM   #11
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

you've got me sobbing here... but encouraged!

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Originally Posted by Aimsley9 View Post
I saved this poem that I got from another baord when I was pregnant with my second. It always made me cry. My dd's are 2.5 and 9 months and they are the best of friends, but I worried about how my older dd would handle the new baby.



I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly, I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me," And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again. You cry, I cry with you. I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you. But, then, I notice your resentment change, first curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But, something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments, and I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally as strong. And my question is finally answered to my amazement. Yes! I can love another child as much as I love you only differently.

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Old 08-08-2007, 11:59 AM   #12
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I feel the same way...but you have a little bit on me....yours is a bit older...my dd is going to be 13 months....and I know when dh goes to leave the hospital she is going to throw a fit....this worries me alot...because its going to break my heart!!!
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:04 PM   #13
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I've honestly never felt much sadness for my children when expecting another. I did feel a little sad having my second that it wouldn't be 'just me and Aidan' anymore - but we so looked forward to him having a little brother that it paled in comparison to our excitement. With each one I've had I have twinges of sadness over my youngest not 'being the baby anymore', but those are usually more related to the fact that I'm watching them grow from toddler into little kid. I know that a family can have more than one 'baby', so that aspect doesn't bother me. Even with the addition of number 5, Eliana will still be a baby and just as much 'the baby' as our next will be. This time I'm missing Torrin not being my baby boy more than worrying about Eliana not being the baby anymore.

In our family, the kids look forward to a new sibling just as much as we look forward to another child. I think a lot of that comes from our approach. We don't say to them "You're going to be a big brother/sister! But, awe, you won't be the baby anymore and you'll have to share mommy and daddy..." but rather "You're getting a new little brother/sister! Someone new for you to play with, to love, and to take care of! How fun and exciting! What do you want to do to get ready for the baby and what are you looking forward to sharing with the baby?" All of our children know that they are an important part of our family and that they are just as lucky to have a new sibling as that new sibling is to have them.
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:09 PM   #14
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

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In our family, the kids look forward to a new sibling just as much as we look forward to another child. I think a lot of that comes from our approach. We don't say to them "You're going to be a big brother/sister! But, awe, you won't be the baby anymore and you'll have to share mommy and daddy..." but rather "You're getting a new little brother/sister! Someone new for you to play with, to love, and to take care of! How fun and exciting! What do you want to do to get ready for the baby and what are you looking forward to sharing with the baby?" All of our children know that they are an important part of our family and that they are just as lucky to have a new sibling as that new sibling is to have them.
This is the same approach we've had this whole pregnancy.
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Old 08-08-2007, 12:29 PM   #15
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Hi. I can honestly say that I have never felt that way. I have five and am wanting a sixth. We have always looked forward to and prepared the kids whether it be the second or the fifth for the addition of another baby. I once read something which said 'The greatest gift you can give your kids is the gift of another sibling.' I truly believe that. We do make one on one time with our kids as much as we possibly can but by the same token we always love doing things together as a family. The part that does make me sad is when I am in the hospital having another baby and my other kids can't stay with me and the baby. It breaks my heart when they have to leave. I know it's only a two day thing and I do enjoy the time with the baby but I also know how much they truly love being around him/her.
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Old 08-08-2007, 01:08 PM   #16
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I didn't have the "How can I love another as much?" feelings...but as it got closer to the end with #2, I did start mourning the alone time with ds1. And it lasted after the birth, but not a terribly long time. I just try to make it a point to do things with him individually now (with both of them really).
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Old 08-08-2007, 01:18 PM   #17
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

Yep, I had a really disturbing dream where I had a baby blanket of my oldest and I was "mourning" because she had died! It really bothered me until I talked to a friend and she said it was symbolic because she wasn't "the baby" anymore. It's normal, mama, and it will pass!
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Old 08-08-2007, 01:38 PM   #18
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

You aren't nuts at all!!! I had this exact issue when we went from 1 to 2 kiddos. but my son however was sooo happy to have someone else, even if he couldn't do much. And the reason I know this is because we went to visit a friend 6mo after I had my 2nd right after she delivered her first....
Dalton, my oldest said to our 6mo old, Hayden, Meet your new baby brother AUSTIN. and then proceeded to ask when we got to take him home LOL!! we had to explain to him that this one wasn't coming to our house but we could see him at our friends home. Thats when I realized it was much harder on me than it was on my son! But no, you aren't crazy and don't be afraid to voice these concerns at the doctors office for you or at the pediatricians office for the kiddos. and the thing I found the best was making sure I spent alone time with the oldest, without the baby. (baby 2 had severe colic, so we would go out front for 10 minutes after I tried for hours to console the baby... DS loved this time together)
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Old 08-08-2007, 01:57 PM   #19
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

I remember feeling that way. It was really really hard on me. I came across this poem.....and now it is SOO true. I actually printed and framed it and put it in my oldest dd's bedroom. My oldest dd was 16 months when her sister was born.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand,
basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within,
as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder;
How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me
as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way,
"Please love only me."
And I hear myself telling you in mine,
"I can't", knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder
on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing,
I find myself attached to that new being,
and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her--
as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change,
first to curiousity, then to protectiveness,
finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times
we shared, just we two.
There are new times--only now we are three.
I watch the love between you grow,
the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you--as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you,
I've given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love
openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as
you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
I now know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you--you each have
your own supply.

I love you--both.
And I thank you both for blessing my life.

-author unknown
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Old 08-08-2007, 03:32 PM   #20
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Re: 2nd+ time moms

Quote:
Originally Posted by craftymomto5 View Post
Hi. I can honestly say that I have never felt that way. I have five and am wanting a sixth. We have always looked forward to and prepared the kids whether it be the second or the fifth for the addition of another baby. I once read something which said 'The greatest gift you can give your kids is the gift of another sibling.' I truly believe that. We do make one on one time with our kids as much as we possibly can but by the same token we always love doing things together as a family. The part that does make me sad is when I am in the hospital having another baby and my other kids can't stay with me and the baby. It breaks my heart when they have to leave. I know it's only a two day thing and I do enjoy the time with the baby but I also know how much they truly love being around him/her.
Sounds like us! I also remember when I had my second and third and was just sad to be apart from my older ones! My kids are all SO looking forward to our upcoming second homebirth. They can't wait to be with us as we welcome our new little one!
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