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Old 08-14-2007, 11:05 PM   #1
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would you lie?

mine and dh's faimly are verry mainstream, dh and i are the "strange ones" and even more so with this comming baby. we are planning a homebirth but i am soooo horified at how our faimlys will react. we are in md and they are in ohio. my faimly can not visit at all so i can just lie too them and say we went too the hospital or say we just didn't make it in time but with dh's faimly, they would most likly be ready too visit and be here as soon as we call. with ds1 mil was here less than 24 hours after we called her. deffinataly not what we were expecting. also there is a pretty good chance dh will not be here for the birth because of his training/relocating scedule. so i may need someone too help out with ds1. i would feel strange with a babysitter here at that type of time but i really do not want too deal with my inlaws. should i just not call them and hope they don't just show up? i don't really want too lie too them but trying too talk too them just does not work. any ideas? tips?

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Old 08-14-2007, 11:18 PM   #2
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Re: would you lie?

ooo tough one mama. Maybe just don't offer any "unnesisary" info. Would they even ask you "are you haveing your baby in the hospital?" Just don't bring it up and let them think what they want. That might be better than creating a conflicting situation when it really isn't their business.
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Old 08-14-2007, 11:35 PM   #3
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Re: would you lie?

We had our first 2 at home with a midwife but the third one we planned to do unassisted. We did not tell anyone because they would have freaked out.

We didn't lie about it though, if someone asked me if the midwife was going to be there I just smiled and changed the subject and they never caught on.

Afterwards of course we told everyone that he was born with just me and my hubby there.
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Old 08-14-2007, 11:48 PM   #4
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Re: would you lie?

I wouldnt lie to them, for me its my decision and if they dont agree too bad
you don't need to tell them what they don't need to know but if they ask, just tell them and let them know this is what you chose and end of discussion
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Old 08-14-2007, 11:52 PM   #5
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Re: would you lie?

I personally don't see any reason to lie about your decision. I do a lot that freaks people out and I don't care. Besides, it's a decision for you and your family, not anyone else. If they want to freak out, then let them, but don't stress yourself out by trying to please everyone.

Are you in-laws that closed minded, that they wouldn't want to help you out if you decided to have a home birth?

Do you have any other support group, like friends nearby that would be willing to be with your little one while you are laboring? Personally, I would LOVE to be there for a friend who was having a homebirth.

But please, don't lie about this... it won't make you feel any better.
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Old 08-14-2007, 11:56 PM   #6
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Re: would you lie?

Crummy situation. I am right there with you. I don't want to talk to my ILs AT ALL about our birthing plans. Definitely don't let them be there if they are going to stress you out. Do you have a sister who can fly in to help? We are tenatively planning on taking the boys over to a trusted friend if having them there doesn't work out. I hope it works out that your DH can be present for the birth, but if not, definitely call on your friends.
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Old 08-14-2007, 11:59 PM   #7
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Re: would you lie?

Mama, if they decide to dissagree with you, that is their problem not yours! They had their children and could raise them as they wished, now it is your turn to decide what is right for your family. Maybe you could tell them when it is close to your due date, so they can still come and help, but the comments and disagreements wouldn't last very long because they wouldn't know for very long before the birth! That way you wouldn't have to deal with the disagreements until it was absolutely necessary.
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Old 08-15-2007, 07:28 AM   #8
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Re: would you lie?

Quote:
Originally Posted by flobee76 View Post
I personally don't see any reason to lie about your decision. I do a lot that freaks people out and I don't care. Besides, it's a decision for you and your family, not anyone else. If they want to freak out, then let them, but don't stress yourself out by trying to please everyone.

Are you in-laws that closed minded, that they wouldn't want to help you out if you decided to have a home birth?

Do you have any other support group, like friends nearby that would be willing to be with your little one while you are laboring? Personally, I would LOVE to be there for a friend who was having a homebirth.

But please, don't lie about this... it won't make you feel any better.
It is yours and DH's decision...and hopefully, your family will realize that you have your baby's best interest at heart...and that you're also a big girl who can make decisions for herself and her family. So I wouldn't lie either. It certainly could be even worse when your family finds out that you lied to them ...just my . GL mama!
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Old 08-15-2007, 07:32 AM   #9
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Re: would you lie?

my thing is this is my body and my children and what we do as a family is our business and if certain people think I am a freak...or weird...well too bad for them. If you are comfortable with your descision I see no reason not to tell them the truth if they ask...your not asking for thier opinion...LOL
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Old 08-15-2007, 07:34 AM   #10
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Re: would you lie?

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Originally Posted by Sweet_Fantasy_Fox View Post
I wouldnt lie to them, for me its my decision and if they dont agree too bad
you don't need to tell them what they don't need to know but if they ask, just tell them and let them know this is what you chose and end of discussion

Its YOUR birth mama....
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