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Old 08-17-2007, 10:57 AM   #11
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

Well, you could just reply with "Mark and I are very excited about the new addition," and leave it at that. With an "I know you're not happy, but we are, so screw you," attitude. MY Grandmother freaked out when I told her about Mads, too. She kept writing me these letters about how when she was pregnant she wished she'd had an abortion and my Mom ruined her life, and how I shouldn't make the same mistake. It was tough. Now, she loves the baby, but that was rough for a while. Good luck, Mama. She'll find out eventually, so maybe you should just come out with it.

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Old 08-17-2007, 01:05 PM   #12
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

I waited until I was over 23 weeks to tell my PARENTS I was pregnant with #4. I was more shocked to hear the disappointment that I didn't tell them sooner and I didn't get any of the "you can't afford another one" which completely shocked me!
HUGS I know its not easy, just do it in your own time, and make sure YOU are the one to tell her and not through someone else.
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Old 08-17-2007, 01:40 PM   #13
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

Lisa, I know the feeling of being reluctant to tell my parents, my father especially.

I think that seeing as not having her in your life is not an option, that you need to prepare yourself mentally and spiritually for the attack. God says children are a blessing - so stand on that! I would probably preface the announcement with something like, "Mark and I have some wonderful news that we're thrilled about, and we hope you'll be happy for us." Or even telling her that if she has nothing pleasant to say, to please refrain from saying anything at all.

I did find that once I got a backbone and finally stood up to my parents and told them how much their negativity hurt me and that I wouldn't tolerate it any more, it stopped. If you put your grandmother in her place, she will learn not to speak negatively about parenting etc.
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Old 08-17-2007, 02:28 PM   #14
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

It's sad that some people react this way about such a wonderful event, isn't it?

My grandpa has terminal cancer, and his mental clarity is very questionable most of the time, and when I/we told him that we were expecting again, he said, "You go right in and tell the doctor you don't want that baby and you can't afford it." I was really shocked because neither one was true and he tried to tell us we should get an abortion.

If I had to redo it, I'd have my DH tell him. In your case too. Have him call her or visit her on his own and let her have some time to think it over. That's not to say she won't still react negatively, but at least you won't get the initial impact.

In the future, if she does start harping about things, simply tell her, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave the room or change the subject.

Good luck with everything! Don't let her rotten attitude spoil such a blessing for you
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Old 08-17-2007, 02:51 PM   #15
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

I am sorry that your grandma treats you that way
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:02 PM   #16
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

If it were me I would write her a letter and tell her in the letter and send a pic. I would tell her how excited you were and how you planned it and how you want her to be happy for you too. Then at the end say "I'd love for you to call me and talk to me once you are ready to be supportive of our decision as it's really important to me to have your support." Not saying that you're not going to talk to her or anything, but maybe just make it so it says "don't call me until after the initial shock and bad comments in your head are over because I don't want to here it" Maybe after she reads it and then calls it won't be as bad. Make it a real nice letter.
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:08 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by dirtdartwife View Post
I wish I could follow my own advice in this situation but you'll have to just let her know and let whatever she says slide off your back. My MIL is just as hateful to the extent of telling me in all my previous pregnancies that "It better be a boy otherwise I'm shoving it back in." and then when I miscarried at 14 weeks her first comment was "What did you do to kill my grandson?" (we never knew the sex of the baby). And now that this one is a boy, she's *really* laying it on thick about how "NOW you're going to be a *real* mother." (This is baby number four... I must have missed the whole "mom" thing with the other three kiddos).

And as hard as it is to stomach, and as hard as it is to just let it slide, you'll have to. For every negative comment, tell her "I'm so sorry you feel that way." and walk away. Be just as stern as she is in telling her how you feel either. Just because you're all she has doesn't give her the right to treat you like crap or have you allowing her to walk all over you. You don't have to walk away, but you can let her know that you won't be talked to that way.

And if she doesn't listen, then purposely show that you're ignoring her. When she makes a comment, don't even respond- watch TV, say something to your DH, say/do something with your other child, get up and leave the room. Something deliberate to show her that you just won't dignify anything negative she has to say with a response.

good luck mama and I wish you the best with this. And congrats on the new little one!!!!
Wow.. I'll never be a real mom then. I have 2 girls and I'm done having kids.

My boyfriends mom asked about having an abortion. Now she wants him to get a DNA test on Sophia to make sure she's his. I think she might have given up on talking him into kicking me to the curb and just working out child support is she is in fact his child. Mean evil hateful woman.

To the OP ... tell her to stick her opinion up her @ss. Or just don't tell her and let her get butthurt that you didn't and when she wants to know why tell her it was because of her crappy attitude about it last time and you didn't want to hear it from her. (this brand of attitude might be why I have zero interaction with my boyfriends mother anymore .. heheh )

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Old 08-17-2007, 03:09 PM   #18
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

Her is an idea. Tell her the great news with a card. Send her a card with mabey an u/s picture be creative and in the card be very positive.

Hi Grandma we are very excited to tell you that we are expecting a new little blessing in 9 months. It is a real joy to be able to share our joy and excitment with you. Children are such a wounderful blessing. I hope that you can be happy with us and share in our excitment as we welcome this new little bundle into our lives.

Or somethign like that. Let her know you are happy about it and you can even add that you would prefer not to hear any comments on children being a burden as your daughter lights up your life and is such a blessing and you know that this next little one will be another great blessign to fill your heart and life with smiles, joy and laughter.

To me it sounds like she is a little bitter mabey for having to raise you I am not sure buit I do not think it is okay for her to talk to you luike that and if she does end the conversation politly. Simply say Grandma if you cannot be happy with us and share this joy I would appriciate you not talking about it at all as we are very greatful for our pregnancy and lookforward to having a new baby in the house and woiuld love for you to share in our joy or just not talk about it.

I hope this helps. My familys not so good about kids either. My mom has not been very supportive of any of our pregnancies it hurts it really does
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:16 PM   #19
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

I'm sorry mama. Rough situation you are in. Hugs to you! Your child is a blessing, and even though she cannot see it that way, YOU CAN! And I just wanted to encourage you that if God placed her in your life, he can equip you with all that you need to stand up to her attacks, and to be a loving grandaughter to her. Sometimes love is more about being wise and setting firm limits. And sometimes it hurts so much to face these situations. But I know that you can do it!

Pray about it and continue to seek wisdom as you face each new challenge that this relationship brings. Don't return bitterness for bitterness. It will not help. Love her despite her awfulness, just get some good help with how to do that in a healthy way. You are a blessing to her. You are a positive person in her negative life. She may not change, but you can. You can allow this experience to shape you for the better. It is SO hard, but you can do it!

You mentioned being submissive to her. That is not right. Well, let me explain. You are meant to be one with your husband, and that will involve lots of submissiveness one to another. But being controlled in any way by her is not right. It sounds like you may need to cut the cords of being "daughterly submissive" and build the cords of honoring her. Your honor is what she needs, not your submissiveness. Of course, people naturally submit to one another in the normal course of life, but this needs to be done in a healthy give and take way.

About telling her, I would wait until you have gotten your arms around it, and then I would tell her, or have your husband tell her if you prefer. I waited for a little longer than normal to tell about my 5th pregnancy. I had to come to terms with it first, and I knew people might not react well. It went better than I thought. But in your situation, I would go into it armed and ready to be "thick skinned." Do not let her foolishness penetrate you. Let the truth penetrate your heart so that all of her bitterness cannot touch you! Be strong and know that you are blessed to be having another child. Boy or girl, this child is a blessing and a gift from God. Big hugs to you mama!
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Old 08-17-2007, 03:19 PM   #20
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Re: Why does this have to be so hard?

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Her is an idea. Tell her the great news with a card. Send her a card with mabey an u/s picture be creative and in the card be very positive.

Hi Grandma we are very excited to tell you that we are expecting a new little blessing in 9 months. It is a real joy to be able to share our joy and excitment with you. Children are such a wounderful blessing. I hope that you can be happy with us and share in our excitment as we welcome this new little bundle into our lives.

Or somethign like that. Let her know you are happy about it and you can even add that you would prefer not to hear any comments on children being a burden as your daughter lights up your life and is such a blessing and you know that this next little one will be another great blessign to fill your heart and life with smiles, joy and laughter.

To me it sounds like she is a little bitter mabey for having to raise you I am not sure buit I do not think it is okay for her to talk to you luike that and if she does end the conversation politly. Simply say Grandma if you cannot be happy with us and share this joy I would appriciate you not talking about it at all as we are very greatful for our pregnancy and lookforward to having a new baby in the house and woiuld love for you to share in our joy or just not talk about it.

I hope this helps. My familys not so good about kids either. My mom has not been very supportive of any of our pregnancies it hurts it really does
That is a really good idea.
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