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Old 07-17-2006, 10:46 AM   #1
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Back from the MW again...sort of (really long)

This came out really loooong....sorry....

I had talked to my MW on Friday afternoon and she said that she planned to check me this morning and would probably strip my membranes and really try to "stir things up" for me. I still have mixed feelings about all this induction talk but I've been praying about it and I do think that it's best for both of us to get this baby out here now. I still believe very much in natural pregnancy and birth and in minimal interventions, letting baby come when he's ready, etc., but I'm coming to realize that there is a big picture to consider too and Mom's emotional/psychological state is part of that. We are keeping the PIH/toxemia/preeclampsia under control right now, but it's taking a lot to do so and it's a very delicate balance. At almost 39 weeks now, I feel very confident that it will be better for everyone if the baby comes sooner rather than later. I'm still not comfortable with a pitocin induction and am understandably (I think?) nervous about the logistics of induction.

So anyway, "d"h (dumb husband?) was scheduled to be off work today because he has to work this weekend. Supposedly, we were to be spending today cleaning, rearranging, and generally tying up loose ends before the baby comes...of course, he's only taken a break from the TV long enough to smoke ( ) or play on the computer for a few minutes. I'd been asking him all weekend if he was going to go to the doc with me this morning and he kept saying he didn't know (translated = "H#ll no! I'm sleeping in!") but I kept asking hoping he'd take the hint. Last night, he found out my appt was at 8:30 and said he probably wouldn't go. I told him I'd really appreciate it if he did and he started joking about why would the MW need him there. I tried to explain that I was nervous about the membrane stripping and *I* just might need my husband there and besides, it would really mean a lot to me if he would at least pretend to be interested enough in this pregnancy to go listen to what she's got to say about all that's happened in the past couple of weeks and all that will be happening in the next couple of weeks. He let it go, but I knew he wasn't going. Last night, I couldn't get on here so I was googling (bad idea) and reading some stuff about stripping membranes and decided that since he's off work anyway, I wanted him to go with me. So I woke him up this morning and explained that to him...he was ticked but what could he do really? So we took DJ to mom's and headed for the MW's office but when we got there, we found out she had just been paged to the hospital and none of the OBs were in that office today. So now he's really irked...poor baby! The nurse did the usual checks...BP's still high for me but much lower than it has been, I've lost 2 pounds since last Thursday (which seems a little odd to me but she thinks it's good?), still showing small amounts of protien in my urine but not like it was. She did another NST which she said looked fine. I told her that the MW had mentioned checking me and stripping my membranes today and that if possible, I'd really like to do that while dh is with me. She said if she makes it back into the office this afternoon, they'll call me, otherwise, I have another checkup on Thursday and hopefully she can do it then (although I'll be alone). So I spent all weekend psyching myself up for this, only to have it fizzle out once again. I know everything happens for a reason though so maybe the other lady going into labor this morning was an answer to my prayers...maybe the little guy does need a bit more time on his own. I was doing some laundry just now and I know this sounds strange but I was actually having trouble standing up...the pressure in my hips/pelvis is so much that it's almost like it's cutting off the circulation to my legs...like my legs are asleep. And while I'm not having any cramps or contractions to speak of, I do have this queasy butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling. Probably purely psychological...wishful thinking or something...but who knows.

I had a phone call with my boss this morning. I work for the state but I work in a "virtual office"...80% telecommute, 20% travel. It's kind of like the worst of both worlds WAHM/WOHM. Actually, I love it most of the time and I'm hoping it's going to be awesome when this baby finally gets here. Anyway, I was 4.5 months pregnant when he hired me and I was very open with him about it. I did however tell him that my last pregnancy was very easy and I worked right up until the baby was born (actually, I was on my way to work when my water broke!) and had no complications. To my surprise, he hired me anyway but he's made a point of "breaking me in gently" and trying to go easy on me. I was having to do a fair amount of travelling for a while but when I started having problems with PTL, I told him I wasn't comfortable with that anymore. Then I went on modified bedrest to try and hold me over till 34 weeks. He was very patient and very understanding through all of it, but for nearly 3 months now, I've been in labor and he's been thinking I'd have the baby and get on with my life any day now. it's starting to get old. When my MW mentioned induction last week, I told him that she was trying to schedule it for this Thursday but then I had to tell him on Friday that they'd decided not to as long as everything else stayed under control. So when I talked to him this morning, he was still very nice about it, but he came right out and asked me why they are not inducing and how much longer this is going to go on. He was shocked when I told him I'm still technically not due for another two weeks. I don't blame him, I'd be getting ticked about now too. Because I'm new, I have no leave time accrued...I'm not even eligible for FMLA or unpaid leave...whatever time I do have, I really NEED to save for after the baby is born...yet he can't really give me much work to do because just as sure as he assigns me to a project, I'll go into labor and wind up having to hand off to someone else. And we've been in this bind for nearly three months now so he's paying for an employee he can't use. I've been volunteering to help everyone else with their busy work and take on low priority tasks, but he hired me for something different entirely and he needs me.

So now I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself about all of it. I have plenty that I *need* to be doing, of course, I got another lecture from the nurse this morning about how the baby and I are only holding up so well because I'm being vigilant about following doctor's orders and resting so I guess you could say I really *shouldn't* be doing most of it. I'd like to take a nap but with dh home I'll never hear the end of it...he already says I sleep all day anyway so I have to at least look like I'm actually working. And waiting...and waiting...and waiting... I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling sorry for myself...I hate feeling like I'm whining. I want to go take a walk in the sunshine (100+ degrees...probably not a good idea!) I want to DO something. Since I started on antidepressants a few weeks ago (which by the way are supposed to cause preterm labor!! ) I'm feeling a lot better most of the time, but my biggest fear is still that when this baby is born, I'm going to look at him and all I'll be able to think is "So you're the one that's been causing all this trouble for the past year!" That really scares me...

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Old 07-17-2006, 07:37 PM   #2
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Re: Back from the MW again...sort of (really long)

Poor mama! You have every right to feel sorry for yourself, especially with your DH acting the way he is. He actually thinks you sleep all day? And even if you did, so what? You're 9 months pregnant for pete's sake! This has got to be draining on you, not just physically but emotionally as well. Don't worry about how you'll feel about the baby, guaranteed once you see his sweet face you'll forget all the trouble you've had. It will be ok. Just try to hang in there a bit longer. Like you said, everything happens for a reason, and the babe will make his appearance right when he's ready.
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Old 07-17-2006, 08:52 PM   #3
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Re: Back from the MW again...sort of (really long)

Thanks...I'm really beginning to think this morning's delay was a mixed blessing. My neighbor's daughter is also pregnant and has been having a lot of complications (over 40, preeclampsia, past due date, etc.) We've been joking for a while about which of us would go first and all the kids in the neighborhood have said all along that it would be fun if we had the babies at the same time (although our due dates were nearly a month apart). Well, my neighbor called me this afternoon and told me that her daughter had gone for an ultrasound today and they said that her fluid is low and they wanted her to go straight to the hospital to be induced. This evening, I called to check on her and found out that she had spent nearly 5 hours at the hospital waiting for a room to open up! They finally got her in a room about 8 p.m. and put her on fetal monitors but they decided it would be better to give her something to help her sleep tonight and start the induction first thing in the morning! Supposedly this hospital has the best women's center on this side of town but so far I have not been impressed! Sadly, the other local hospital is where I delivered DJ and it actually *is* worse which is why I really wanted a homebirth this time. Anyway, so I guess God was looking out for me after all because apparently going into labor today would not have been a good thing! And I did get a good bit done today in spite of dh so I feel a lot more "ready" as far as nesting...but I'm exhausted and probably did overdo it a little. DJ will go to Grandma's tomorrow and I'll take it easy for a few hours...it will be a lot easier to "relax" and rest without the nagging feeling that none of us have any clean clothes to wear, the house is a mess, the bills are behind, the infant car seat is still in the attic in who knows what condition, etc. I'm exhausted but it's refreshing to know that if I do go into labor now, we all at least have clean underwear for a few days! And while "the boys' room" is still the junk room, you can at least get in the door again now...I'm so happy to have my changing table back...no more bending over to change diapers on the floor or couch! Now if the little guy will just get here before everything gets out of hand again...
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Old 07-18-2006, 09:53 AM   #4
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Re: Back from the MW again...sort of (really long)

Sorry to hear your dh is being such an ***. I hate to say that since i don't know you or him, but he really needs to realize that right now it is about YOU, not him. And even if you did sleep all day, you deserve to...you're almost 40 wks pregnant! Can you imagine if men could get pg/give birth....they would be the biggest babies in the entire world.

Just try to relax and just do things as you need to...little at a time. Like pick a day to get your bags packed and the car seat ready, and that's it...just one thing at a time ya know.
Stressing only prolongs things...and you don't want that b/c Pitocin induced labors are not fun, trust me. W/ my 2nd pg, my doctor started talking about ways to induce me before i was even 37 wks. I kept saying no b/c i really wanted a natural birth, or to at least go into labor on my own. Over the next few weeks i kept getting pressure from like everyone to just let her break my water and send me into labor. The ob was really pushing for it (for no reason other than she was just being impatient), and DH and the rest of my family were getting frustrated w/ me b/c they thought i was just being difficult. I was so stressed and upset w/ all the pressure everyone was putting on me. At 40 wks i gave in to DH and tried to induce naturally w/ Castor Oil. That was the absolute WORST thing ever. I took 2 tbsp, then proceeded to throw up and have awful cramps/****s for over an hour. It didn't put me in labor, just extremely sick and uncomfortable. After that i put my foot down. I told everyone to **** off and that my baby was going to come when SHE was ready....i made my intentions clear and relaxed. And sure enough she came on her own. She was a few days late (my first was late too), but she was perfect.
Sorry for rambling about my experience....i just hate to see other women being pressured. It's your body, and regardless, you know it best. Women have been birthing for thousands of years w/out tons of "medical advances". Just hang in there...you'll be fine. : )
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