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Old 09-27-2007, 03:43 PM   #1
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Unhappy I miss my friend!

Sorry I need just a minute for a pitty party *long*

I am friends with a woman that I've known since high school. I was lived with her for a year in college and was in her wedding. Well, she lost a baby girl around 20 weeks Oct 20 of last year. I could support her like I would have liked to because I had fallen off a truck and had MAJOR reconstructive knee surgery the day before. I was actually being discharged from the hospital when I got the call We still talked occasionally and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding in December.

I havn't really talked to her since the wedding. I found out in the begining of March that I was pregnant and didnt want to tell her because Grace (her daughter) would have been due then. Well her brother asked me to be in his wedding (I'm still really close to him) and I had to tell him and his mom that I was pregnant so they could find a maternity dress. Well fast foward a bit. When I went to go be fitted for the dress the attendant said "Oh there's another girl in your party who's pregnant too." I said " Oh really? Who?" Well it was my friend Jessica. I tried to call her and got her voicemail so I left a message for her to call me. I never heard back. I didn't see or hear from her until the bridal shower. There she barely said 2 words to me and never anything about us both being pregnant. I was really excited because I was hoping to have a close friend pregnant at the same time as me since we would be going through similar things. I had written her an email appologizing for being a lousy friend and not telling her myself but also explaining why I didn't... Never heard back from that one either... The wedding came and went and she still barely talked to me. I talked to her now sister-in-law and she said Jess isn't mad at me she's just not sure how to talk to me. I'm having a baby girl and she's having a boy... Well now I'm due in the next month and she's due in Nov.
The last two days I've been thinking about her a lot and missing her. I just don't know what to do

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Old 09-27-2007, 06:12 PM   #2
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Re: I miss my friend!

I'd say, just call her and tell her that you really miss her friendship and you'd really like to put your past mistakes behind you and you'd like to drop by and bring her a gift for her new baby. Then you can just play things by ear. The ball with be in her court, so to speak. She'll get the message that you care about her and your friendship still and if she wants to be freinds again you can rest in the fact that you've opened the door.
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Old 09-27-2007, 08:01 PM   #3
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Re: I miss my friend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmommy View Post
I'd say, just call her and tell her that you really miss her friendship and you'd really like to put your past mistakes behind you and you'd like to drop by and bring her a gift for her new baby. Then you can just play things by ear. The ball with be in her court, so to speak. She'll get the message that you care about her and your friendship still and if she wants to be freinds again you can rest in the fact that you've opened the door.

ITA. Good luck mama.
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Old 09-28-2007, 01:23 AM   #4
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Re: I miss my friend!

I also lost a baby girl Abbey at almost 21weeks. I have a best friend whom I absolutely adore and think of as my sister. She wasn't able to be at Abbey's funeral because of being almost cross country.. I wasn't mad.
I had a lot of feelings/thoughts/etc that I was having to deal with. I think your friend is that way too. She hasn't emailed or called because she is wanting space. I don't think it is anything mean towards you, but I think you should respect her need to be left alone. I will be going through another pregnancy after losing Abbey. It will be filled with fear, panic, etc. I wouldn't want to have to worry about anything other than getting through that pregnancy healthy & happy with a live, healthy baby at the end. I hope you won't take her needing space as an insult. She probably really needs you to understand that it isn't about you, but rather HER.
I didn't speak with my best friend or close cousin/aunt for months after Abbey's funeral. I am usually a very friendly outgoing person {IRL} and I can talk about anything. I always encourage pp to talk about their feelings. I just couldn't and didn't want to. I started getting very angry because I asked for space.. {not talking/emailing/calling}. I just think your friend needs some time. It is hard to see someone else having a dd or baby and yours is dead. I bet she even has feelings of guilt for feeling that way. That is why I think she still needs some time. I don't know if you telling her you were pregnant would have made it any better.
I hope that you will go on about your life and hopefully she will send you a birth announcement of her newest addition!

You are a good friend! She will eventually come around. I would just let her make the next move.
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