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Old 10-04-2007, 06:52 PM   #11
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

I'm sorry you aren't getting the KUDOS you deserve and the support you need.
Keep on keeping on momma, the rewards will blow you away!

My neediest babies/toddlers become the MOST confident and independent when they decide to take that step. I had one, I couldn't PEE byself. EVER. Without buckets of tears for TWO FULL YEARS. And then *poof* the need was met, fulfilled, and went away. This child in a matter of months stopped crying when I left and instead left me, stopped wanting to be rocked, moved out of our room, potty trained, started picking out clothes and getting dressed (and refusing any help) and then a few months after that up and weaned on me.

If your baby begs you to love her, be with her, cherish her, and share her time it is NOT wrong to do those things.





You might enjoy http://www.continuum-concept.org/ for some reassurance that you are biologically designed to do this- its why your instincts scream at you to parent this way.

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Old 10-05-2007, 01:26 PM   #12
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

Nope. I think girls are just different. DS is so much more "girly" than dd is. DD is only 10-months-old and she cries when a dog comes anywhere near her. DS loves dogs. DD screams when ever I leave. DS watches me out the window. DD doesn't like other people to hold her. DS is very social. They are just different. Your dd just loves you and you have done a good job with her

By the way, I just wanted to add that you should just live it up. One day she will be embarassed to be seen with you at the mall.
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Old 10-05-2007, 01:49 PM   #13
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

you have not ruined your child...

as someone who as an older child was left alone when she was sad, i still have breakdowns/panic attacks about having been abandoned. No, i wasnt actually abandoned, but my parents would punish me for insomnia by turning off my nightlight, and to this day, im terrified of the dark.

I know many will disagree with me, but your child has to be able to trust you, and leaving her to cry will not instill the trust that mommy will be there to help her through her difficult times.
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Old 10-05-2007, 01:50 PM   #14
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drearina View Post
Thanks for all the kind words.
Sarah's almost 10 months. I say it's too early to worry about her being "dependent". DH told me I was "coddling" her to which I just blinked and said, um yeah, she's an infant!
I'll keep doing my crunchy mama thing, gotta learn to let this stuff roll off my back. We're going to go see ILs next weekend, can't wait to hear about all the harm I'm doing by "STILL breastfeeding."
by the way, i think most of our dh's would have a nervous breakdonw if WE werent there for them during the hard times
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Old 10-05-2007, 02:04 PM   #15
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

[QUOTE=geckoed;1898929
My neediest babies/toddlers become the MOST confident and independent when they decide to take that step. I had one, I couldn't PEE byself. EVER. Without buckets of tears for TWO FULL YEARS. [/QUOTE]

God please tell me that it ends! The Kid seems to think that I'm able to sing/hold him/and play with him while going number 2.
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Old 10-05-2007, 08:32 PM   #16
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

I agree with everyone else who said that all kids are different. Sounds like your DD is a high-needs baby, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's not always easy for you, but hey, that's what being a parent is all about.

I started out wearing DD all the time, she slept in the same room with us, etc. But I started putting her down for naps in her crib just so I could get stuff done without fear of her falling out, and she slept better! The first night we put her in her crib for overnight, she STTN and has done it since then. (I think DH's snoring kept her awake! ) Then, she started whining when I wrapped her, so I put her on a blanket and she loved it! It was hard letting go of that closeness, but I had to do what was best for her. She's a very independent baby who totally lets me know when she's tired of me being in her face.

So I'm on the flip-side, but I agree that you absolutely have not done anything wrong! You keep doing what feels right, and she will be an amazing kid.
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Old 10-05-2007, 08:38 PM   #17
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

Yep, every child has a different personality and needs at different times. Sometimes you are happy and sometimes your sad and need loved on. She's only human. By meeting her needs she knows that you are going to be there for her, she has no clue othewise yet. DS will be 9 months in a few day. Only had BM, Co-slept until a few weeks ago and still does in the mornings. I wear him all the time, etc. A few days ago he was very clingy then I found out he was getting sick and that was why. Now he's doing better and won't sit still on my lap long enough to do a full in one sitting meal!! You aren't ruining her, if so count my boys as ruined too
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Old 10-06-2007, 08:33 AM   #18
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

My husband said all those things, over and over and over and over. But she's now 2 1/2 and weaned from the breast, walking or riding in the cart at the store instead of in the sling all the time, sleeping in her own bed willingly(though climbing into bed with me about half the time partway through the night), and basically just being more and more independent. That baby stage lasts so short a time when you think about it. It's the blink of an eye compared to the rest of their lives. Enjoy it. Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing them wrong. Follow her cues. She'll need less and less as time goes on. YOu've not screwed her up. My Sara is faring well now and so independent that it makes me miss when she wanted to ride in her sling or nurse or snuggle all day or even when I had to make dinner with her on my back in the sling because otherwise she was crying and underfoot. But take it moment by moment and follow her cues and trust your instincts.
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Old 10-06-2007, 11:49 AM   #19
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

The only thing I think I screwed up with is who I chose to be their fathers Aside from that I think I'm doing ok so far
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Old 10-06-2007, 12:10 PM   #20
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Re: Do you ever feel like you've totally screwed up your baby?

We all feel like that sometimes. It will be okay. Before long this phase will too pass. Before long you will wonder where the time has gone.

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