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Old 10-09-2007, 07:15 AM   #1
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i need help what do you ladies do?

ok heres the thing. DS doesnt listen to me, i spank not hard and most of the time its on his thigh and he has pants or something on so he doesnt really feel it. but i spank, time out, i get down at his leave when i get onto him and nothing works. what do you do to make your kids listen? im willing to try whatever i have to. i dont want him to be one of these out of control kids that you cant take any where or do anything with. help please

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Old 10-09-2007, 07:23 AM   #2
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

Is there a pattern to "when" he doesn't listen? Or is it all of the time? The top thing is praise him A LOT (meaning almost going over board) when he does listen and do what you ask. You will feel silly doing it at first but it makes them all warm and tingly inside if you know what I mean. They want your attention if it is good or bad (and I am not saying my kids are perfect by any stretch of the imagination or that I am always good at noticing when they do something right, because I am NOT always that observent, but when I am I reap the rewards of having happy kids that listen. Lately however I can assure you NO ONE listens to me and I am not paying attention.... going on 42 weeks pregnant with contractions every 3-9 minutes I am about to go nuts! lol)
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Old 10-09-2007, 07:36 AM   #3
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Is there a pattern to "when" he doesn't listen? Or is it all of the time? The top thing is praise him A LOT (meaning almost going over board) when he does listen and do what you ask. You will feel silly doing it at first but it makes them all warm and tingly inside if you know what I mean. They want your attention if it is good or bad (and I am not saying my kids are perfect by any stretch of the imagination or that I am always good at noticing when they do something right, because I am NOT always that observent, but when I am I reap the rewards of having happy kids that listen. Lately however I can assure you NO ONE listens to me and I am not paying attention.... going on 42 weeks pregnant with contractions every 3-9 minutes I am about to go nuts! lol)

ummm he doesnt listen to me really at all. the min his feet hit the floor in the morning he is in something touch something or doing something he isnt suppose to. i watch my neice for my sister and he hasnt recently started hitting her and poking her in the eyes. he has never once seen anyone in my house do anything like that. i play with him and he has my attention most of the day so i dont know why he does some of the stuff he does. could it be that his dad isnt here right now and he is acting out because of that? (DH just left for basic training)
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Old 10-09-2007, 07:43 AM   #4
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[COLOR="DarkOrchid"] ummm he doesnt listen to me really at all. the min his feet hit the floor in the morning he is in something touch something or doing something he isnt suppose to. i watch my neice for my sister and he hasnt recently started hitting her and poking her in the eyes. he has never once seen anyone in my house do anything like that. i play with him and he has my attention most of the day so i dont know why he does some of the stuff he does. could it be that his dad isnt here right now and he is acting out because of that? (DH just left for basic training)[/COLOR]
very well could be the catalyst; how old is your son? there are usually certain ages for each child that are just down right challenging hang in there. what works best for my son (& all children are different) is to place my hand on his shoulder or upper arm , kneel down & speak face to face; i speak very quietly so he has to stop yelling in order to hear me; this helps calm him down; i always ask him to repeat back what i just said... (my son is almost 3)
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Old 10-09-2007, 07:47 AM   #5
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just wanted to add: my son is VERY active and on rainy days or days when we can't get outside to RUN, he is a big challenge; he needs to expend an incredible amount of energy or he comes up with "other" things to do which will drive a mama crazy!

when i know we won't be outside burning off energy, we turn on music in the house & have crazy dance parties & "follow the leader" type activities with jumping jacks, marching, galloping, etc. - anything to expend energy
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Old 10-09-2007, 07:47 AM   #6
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very well could be the catalyst; how old is your son? there are usually certain ages for each child that are just down right challenging hang in there. what works best for my son (& all children are different) is to place my hand on his shoulder or upper arm , kneel down & speak face to face; i speak very quietly so he has to stop yelling in order to hear me; this helps calm him down; i always ask him to repeat back what i just said... (my son is almost 3)

my son is almost 19 months
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Old 10-09-2007, 09:33 AM   #7
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From your siggie, I see he is about 18 months old? That is VERY VERY VERY young. Stop hitting him. It will NOT help. Redirect, distract, rinse, lather, repeat. Toddlers just do not have the capability to listen every. single. time. They just are not develipmentally ready. What are you wanting him to 'listen' about? For us, unless it is an immediate safety issue, we respect dd's opinions and her right to have them. So, she wont be albe to run across the street alone, but she can if she holds my hand. Or I wont allow her to hit someone else, but she is welcome to hit a pillow or stamp her feet in frustration, ect. Toddlers often have big emotions, bigger than they can handle. That's ok too. We, as adults, often tantrum in our own ways. Try to say yes to as much as possible, make your 'no's' very far and few between. I thought I was giving in to dd too much, and it would make her spoiled or out of control, but it's done the exact opposite. She knows we respect her, and that I WANT to work WITH her in all situations. She, at 2.5 yearls old, is totally willing to come up ith a mutually agreeable solution 99% of the time. I give her as much freedom as I possibly can. It has helped me let go of my need to control (I am a control freak and I am working on it!) and it has helped her have the ability to reason, compromise and work together.
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Old 10-09-2007, 09:40 AM   #8
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

I would say try more redirection and less physical punishment. Just in my personal experience, redirection works better than time-outs before age 2 (all kids are different... this is just what personally has worked for me). Then around age 2 I start time out, one minute for each year old the child is. So my 2 year old gets 2 minute time outs. It just takes time, A LOT of time... I don't know that an 18 month old really CAN listen 100% of the time... they're little and they just don't understand as well as an older child.

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Old 10-09-2007, 09:43 AM   #9
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Sorry, I walked away from the computer, so it took me a while to finish my post. I see you say he gets into things he knows not to touch or do. Remove the temptation. Yes, even though he may KNOW not to touch, he does not possess the capabiity to STOP himself from touching. And hitting him for exploring will really damage his desire to explore, learn and find things out for himself. Again, do as much to make the answers be YES! and limit the NO! to seriously dangerous things. Is he getting enough outside run around time? Thats helps alot with my toddler too. And is he getting enough freedom to explore textures, like play doh, paint, ect.
With regard to the hurting his cousin, that's normal too. Toddlers lack the communication skills to talk through their frustrations. Give words to his feelings, like "DS, you are really mad right now!! You want to push your cousin! Why dont you stomp your feet like this!!" said with lots of enthusiasm. Also, teach him 'gentle touch' show him over and over and over exactly how he can touch you/cousin/the cat, ect. He wont get it right away, but someday, you will be able to remind him to use gentle hands and he will be able to. Give him the words to solve problems, like "DS, cousin took yur toy, and you weren't done. Tell her "I was not done! Give it back please!" and then help cousin do so. My dd, at 2.5 can solve alot of problems, and she does not bully anyone OR allow others to bully her. She speaks her mind and can come up with ways to take turns or problem solve. HTH
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Old 10-09-2007, 10:27 AM   #10
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

My DD#2 is almost 21mo and I'm right there with you. I have not found the magic fix all either. My DD#1 (now 4yrs) was the exception I guess to the rule -- she always stopped when I told her, held hands, didn't get into anything except her toys, ect..... I mean if I would have put knifes on the floor she would not touched because it wasn't hers.

DD#2 has been walking since 10 months and climbing since 11 months. I can say stop and she runs faster, ect.... She absolutely is into EVERYTHING. We have removed anything that is breakable or dangerous. We have even resorted to bungeeing the kitchen chairs around the table (when not in use) because she used them to get up the counters. We tried the firm and consistant NO for about 3 months, then we switched to removing 80% of the items on the counter and decided she could just get it out of her system and learn there is nothing special about it, and after another 4 months of that I got fed up and resorted to the bungees.

DD#1 is still pretty cooperative but does get time outs on occassion. DD#2 I feel is too young for time outs to be effective, so we redirect, and remove her or the item. Over the last month or so she is responding better. If I tell her "if you ________ then I will ________" 60% of the time she stops (although I am striving for 100% ) If she doesn't respond in a timely manner, or is defiant (throwing things usually) she looses and I follow through with "I will ________". It's slow but steady progress -- consistancy and simple short instructions I think is the best way.

BTW we do yell and an occassionally swat -- we are all human -- but as you know it really doesn't accomplish anything and you end up feeling bad, not your DC.


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