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Old 10-09-2007, 10:49 AM   #11
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

Hitting a 19 month old doesn't work. They don't 'get it' and it will just make him hit other children (as you can see by his treatment of your niece), particularly younger siblings. The eldest dc usually likes to reprimand younger dc's based on his/her parent's example. (BTW, I have spanked my older dc's at various times, and it pretty much has never worked).

Welcome to the 'terrible twos'. He will do everything and anything to get your attention, whether it is good or bad attention. He is also testing his limits with you to see what he can get away with.

I would recommend that you make sure is room is 100% baby safe, and then send him there when he is naughty. Don't lock him in or close the door, just explain to him that his behavior is unacceptable and he can come out when he chooses to behave appropriately. You can even use those exact words -he'll learn from your firm tone (rather than the words). If he can't play nicely with your niece then they need to be separated, even when in the same room.

As far as getting into things that he is not supposed to all day long, it sounds like you may need to do more babyproofing in your house or get some babygates to confine him to safe rooms during the day.

Definately get him to run off some energy, too. My dd2's favorite thing right now is jumping off a small step stool on to the floor saying Ready, Steady, Go! (well, saying her version - "Weddy, Saidy, Go"). This keeps her busy while I nurse ds2, and she gets a lot of positive attention from me cheering while she is doing it.

He also is likely missing your dh, and trying to get extra attention from you to make up for it (even though he is unaware that he is doing that). Maybe you can try to socialize him more with other babies & adults.


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Old 10-09-2007, 11:00 AM   #12
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

Believe it or not, timeouts actually work very well for my 18 month old.
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Old 10-09-2007, 11:12 AM   #13
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

Aww.. the fun age..

I say just move the things up that he's touching that could possibly be breakable or Important or whatever.

Sadly like everyone else said, he doesn't have the Abilty to control himself at this point.. he knows he shouldn't, but he just can't stop himself, it's so shiny and pretty he's just gotta find out what it is.. lol it seems the things you don't want them to touch are the only things they wanna touch..

so... the hubby went off to bootcamp huh? interesting. How long has your son been doing this stuff... My guess is ALOT longer than your dh has been gone, but Being a "single parent" now, you've got more on your plate than you did before he left, Am I right?

My guess is Your son isn't doing anything more than he was doing before your DH left, but you are Reacting more to it because you're probably pretty stressed out.

I notice if i'm having a Bad day with miranda I can normally Connect it to something else that happened that day, or Recently. so I might be completely off base, but this is just my thought.

I'm not sure if your son is really old enough to be acting out yet because DH is gone.

once you figure out what the issue is, maybe you can get involved in a playgroup or go to the park where he can get some of the energy he has for touching all the stuff in the house.. out of his system. lol

but remember he's a year and a half old. They are going to touch things.. they are going to get into things. it's the law of the land here. if you had a toddler who didn't get into everything in sight i'd be worried! lol It's your job to put things up that you don't want him in, Babyproofing what may hurt him and possibly Blocking off rooms you don't want him in with babygates.

Good luck
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Old 10-09-2007, 01:13 PM   #14
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jennyb View Post
just wanted to add: my son is VERY active and on rainy days or days when we can't get outside to RUN, he is a big challenge; he needs to expend an incredible amount of energy or he comes up with "other" things to do which will drive a mama crazy!

when i know we won't be outside burning off energy, we turn on music in the house & have crazy dance parties & "follow the leader" type activities with jumping jacks, marching, galloping, etc. - anything to expend energy

I don't let the rain stop us from going outside. If i did, we'd go NUTS. We just put on our yuckiest clothes adn slickers and go outside and play in the rain. We jump in puddles and have a blast. The kids love it. Sometimes, if it's lighting really badly, we just sit on the porch & watch the lighting, the kids like that too.
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Old 10-09-2007, 01:18 PM   #15
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

thanks all you ladies have help out alot im willing to try anything and with that said i am gonna try some of the stuff that youll have mentioned, not that it will work but i will try. thanks again!
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Old 10-09-2007, 01:29 PM   #16
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

My DD is the same age and we are struggling as well. I can tell she is starting to find her independence and testing her boundaries again. DH works super long hours, so its mostly just me, and she listens...oh..5% of the time? Our struggle today (and every shopping day) is sitting down in the grocery cart. She can wiggle out of the belt, so that doesn't help, and in trying to stand up, she almost fell out. UGH...it can just be so frustrating! As far as things that help...I notice that DD is happier and more cooperative when she has more of my attention and I'm not stressed. That's tough since I work from home and she HAS to play by herself sometimes, but we struggle less when I'm not trying to split my attention between her and other things (work, laundry, dinner, phone calls, bills, etc). I know its not possible every day, but when you are having a tough day, give yourself permission to let the other things go and just focus on him...anything is worth a try and good luck
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Old 10-09-2007, 05:20 PM   #17
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

See, the thing is, it WONT 'work', as in stopping the behavior. What he is doing is NORMAL toddler behavior. It is HEALTHY toddler behavior. You just have to make it safe for him to continue to explore his environment. I wonder why you came here asking for advice, and got some really great tips, and you say it wont work? Are you looking for advice, empathy, or justification for what you are currently doing? They are three different things. My dh is out of town alot too, so I totally understand the 'single mama' feeling, though I wont presume to say I have it as hard as a true single mama. ( to all who are single!! I can't imagine HOW you do it!)
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Old 10-09-2007, 08:17 PM   #18
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

what is he not listening to? telling a child, especially one that young, to NOT do something is a sure fire way of getting him TO do it. you say "don't touch the _____." child hears "oh, touch the _____." they need to hear what you want them to do. set them up for success. meaning set up the envirment so it is suitable for him to play in safely. remove things you do not want him playing with or touching. touching and exploring are age appropriate behaviors, necessary for learning about the world. so give him things he can touch and explore. my boys love using all manner of kitchen gadgets- tongs, wooden spoons, rubber spatulas, wok lid, pots, pans, garlic press, you name it, they love it all. they are allowed to get into any of the cupboards, but i remind then to clean up what they have already gotten out before getting more stuff out.

if it is something he is really not able to use safely and needs to be taken away from, take him away. get him interested in doing something else. i have a *really* focused child, and i realize it is not always easy. go outside, suggest he help you with some inane task like sweeping the floor, or tell him you really want to show him something new, even if you don't yet know what that thing is! you'll be able to find something he will be interested in. "oohh! look, a new catalog!!! wow! would you like to look at this? you would? ok!"

eta: i just remembered how a few months ago the boys would be moving toward doing something they knew they were not allowed to do, like playing with our neighbor's glass sidewalk lanterns. walking toward them shaking their heads 'no' and saying 'no'. they knew it wasn't what they should be doing, but they couldn't stop themselves. we played somewhere else instead.
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Old 10-09-2007, 08:34 PM   #19
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

my dd and i recently went to a play therapist to solve this same issue. what i learned and what has worked amazingly is having a "special" play time everyday for 5 minutes, no more and no less, during that play time, there is NO criticism, no demands/commands, lots of praise, lots of reflection, and lots of describing what your lo is doing. this makes the lo "want" to mind more, don't use it as a punishment though (ie. if you dont xxxx then we wont have a special play time today) this is their "safe time" not that your not safe, but you get it....
when they're doing something you dont want them to tell them, stop xxxx, if they still dont tell them, you can either stop xxx or you can go to time out, then if they still dont physically take them to time out, they have to stay there 1min X the age, (2 mins) and 5 seconds of no screaming...
this has really worked in our house, i can tell when i'm not doing our play time, she starts to seek attention else where, (in neg. ways)
and fwiw i've always spanked after about 18 mos or so, and neither of my children have EVER hit another person........(i do not disagree w/ your spanking)
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Old 10-09-2007, 09:00 PM   #20
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Re: i need help what do you ladies do?

my DS doesnt listen at times either-- but he also has parents with 2 sets of rules that dont live together.

i havent found a magic secret- i just do a timeout and keep giving one til he listens and if finally he doesnt- (this will sound crazy) but i let him do what he wants and 9 out of 10x he finds it wasnt something he really wanted to do anyway.
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