Update on my mama wiht no prenatal care

[loulou belle]

Jenny of the moon --
I did miss your post on your case. If your complaint was on an unattended child, she should have asked you about that...
Actually, I agree exactly with your entire post. Very well stated. Families do what is best for them. You hit the nail on the head with the sleeping arrangement. If everyone is comfortable with it, excellent. It is what is best for your family.

"*I* think that neglect is failing to meet your childs needs, regardless of if their needs fall inside of the acceptability of society or not. I intend to follow my heart and raise my children with love and compassion and empathy and guidance for as long as we all see fit--which I assume will be the rest of our lives"

Exactly. I could not agree more.

[crunchy-mama]

When i mentioned the fact that had given away our crib after our last baby (never used it with him) and didn't plan on buying one for this baby I had so many people mention the system.i thought they were crazy! I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL! I have a huge 5 bedroom house with plenty of beds but for a long period all 3 children slept in the same room, in act for quite a while my 6 yo dd and 3 yo ds shared a bed on their own, they each had their own.
The day dsf, dcc (whatever they want to be called) tells me wheren my children sleep is the day I take them out of this ridiculous country
ONLY in America do you have a government more interested in where your child sleeps than in a childs education, health and well being

Jenny,
((hugs)) you are a great mommy, it is the system that sux!

[bamamom]

LOL...I slept frequently between both my parents up until about age 10 ( in a full size bed!! ) And then when my dad went off to drive a truck , i slept with my mom often til about 16...or later. It was just no big deal.

I cosleep...my kids all have their own beds, doesnt mean they're used!! lol...My oldest sleeps with me..my youngest prefers his crib in his own room with a fan...

I just cant believe it is even an issue...

lou lou ..thanks for answering our questions...where were you a social worker??

[loulou belle]

Bamamom,
suburbs of Washington DC

[Abunchofus]

What about 100 to 150 years ago when ALL the kids slept together?

Look at Little House on the Prairie

I mean c'mon - I have beds for all of my kids but all 4 of my girls end up climbing into the full bed together - they have their own beds - but they prefer to be together

when we move - why should I even bother putting up all the beds when they don't use them.

[Shannon]

Originally Posted by Abunchofus Jenny - don't hush up!

I think you took what I said the wrong way

[kpapple]

Originally Posted by TwinKristi Well IMO, I think the DSS should step in. She didn't have prenatal care until a week before delivery and that was just as a concerned mommy and MW student and has nothing ready for the baby?? I can understand if she made the choice to do home prenatal care (which I know moms who do and think that's ok in MOST situations) but she just didn't go and had no reason why she didn't. That's just neglectful, not only to herself but her unborn child. Where is she living? How is he supporting herself? How does she plan on transporting baby to the dr? Well Baby visits may not be required by law, but not taking your child for those visits is neglectful to me. If your doing home care or seeing a holistic dr, at least there is some form of care there. Its not to say that ppl don't have the choice, but usually there is a good reason behind it. I'm just seeing 2 sides to this, one is you seeing this mom and baby needed help and the other is trashing a system designed to help. Yes you've had a bad experience with them and they're not perfect, but by all means... don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Its designed to help her get the proper treatment forthe baby. What if he ends up with jaundice and is dehydrated and she's not able to have him monitored by a dr and he gets brain damage? What if she never gets the results from a thyroid test they did at birth and doesn't know he's sick and needs treatment? What if she refused all tests at the hospital b/c of costs and the baby has PKU and isn't being cared for properly? Than everyone would be all over DSS for NOT going in and looking. Unfortunatly someone needs to step in and evaluate her parenting skills. You said yourself she has the clothes but never washed them. I was washing clothes for weeks in preperation for my child's birth. Did she have diapers? Did she have a carseat? I know some states provide them but some don't... mine is one of the ones that does if you take a carseat safety class but if she doesn't go to the dr why would she do that? IMO this is the type of situation where DSS needs to be contacted. Just my

I agree with you on this. I could not have said it better myself. These things are in place for a reason.

[Gloria]

Originally Posted by loulou belle Perhaps a different perspective. I have no idea where i am going with this, however, I though I would share my story. I was one of those social workers that went and knocked on peoples doors. I have done my share of house visits. I have had friends come back to the office, go to use the restroom and had cockroaches fall out of their pants. I have treated myself, my family, and my vehicle for head lice more than the average public school does in an entire year. I have been in the houses where there is more dog crap in the house than food. I had been in houses with drug dealers, and sexual abusers. I have been to the jail to see convicted murderers. I have sat through a criminal trial of a murdered 6 year old when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I have seen the blisters on a childs feet from being made to walk through hot coals. I have taken 4 year olds to the hospital for sexual abuse exams. I have looked at the autospy photos of an 18 month old. I worked 70+ hours a week before my dd was born, and 60+ hours after. She was in daycare from 7:00 am to 7:00 pm. She went to bed at 7:30. I made NOTHING. PENNIES. I could qualify for food stamps if I was not married. In fact, I could have worked at McDonalds and made more money than I was making with a college education as a social worker. I did it because I believe that the system does work and children are valuable and deserve to be protected. In my experince, DSS/CPS will not bother you unless they believe something major is wrong. At the office I worked at we had a great group of people, and our thought was to assess the situation, and provide services to the parents and to the children to keep the family unit together. Emergency removals were rarely done, and only when necessary. Maybe one every three months. (The Judge removed more often.) I was a foster care social worker. I had up to 30 kids on my case load. Every child I referred to as "my kid". I bought them Christmas presents when their parents would not, I sent them birthday cards, took them to play mini golf, bowling, and shopping. I understand that much of the system need help. None of it is perfect. Explaining to a three year old that they can't go home because their mommy would rather deal/use drugs, and prostitute herself on the corner...That is difficult. Most Social workers try their best to work within the guidelines and the resources they have. BTW, yes I think that CPS should be involved, but only to hook this mother up with appropriate resources in her community to allow her to parent that child to the best of her ability. Just my

My DH is a police officer and although he isnt 'as' involved as an actual case worker is... he has seen some of the worst situations that even I cant imagine. Just like this poster said...Dog poop everwhere, the house smells soo bad he cant even stay in it, he litererally asks the people to step outside. Before he was a police officer he would say "man we need to pick our house up" or something along the lines of our house being a mess. Since he's been on the force he has NEVER mentioned it and he always says we live and treat our children like royalty. This is just because of what he sees on a daily basis. I can always tell when he's had a call where it has involved child abuse, neglect or something along those lines. I think the government should be involved in a case like this especially since she was so neglegent with prenatal care, how can anyone expect her to be different now? If she knew how to do self care fine...but who are we kidding pretending like it was ok for her not to? SHE DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!! how would she know if anything was wrong? IMO she's lucky she and her baby are healthy...think of how it would be if something had gone wrong??

[Moo&LaLasMomma]

Originally Posted by jennyofthemoon Nothing is to stop them..that's a big pet peeve of mine too. We actually had DSS sorta called on us--by a neighbor who reported neglrect but only to be a jerk--we are the LEAST neglectful parents of anyone I know, never mind on this street..that said, she lady came out about 6 weeks ago, and I didn't hear from her again until last nighht. She basically laughed at the things she found out, decided we were not neglectful (the allegations were that I leave my kids home alone..uh, they are 3, 5, and 7) but called last night to say she wanted to come back out and tlak to me because we don't really use the doctors and was very concerned about the fact that we don't immunize. She went to far as to tell her that we had to disclose our religion if they were to accept our waiver, whihc is not at all true, and I informed her that, at least here in MA, it is against the law to make any deciison based on one's religion. She again told me I had to tell her what religion I was. I replied, I don't care to disclose that to you, and it is well within my constitutional rights not to. So she's coming back....Okay, so maybe I oculd have been more cooperative and avoided another visit, but I have a huge issue with DSS anyway. If they were that concerned with neglect, what are they doing scheduling an appointment in a week and a half? Why not just show up here? I'm rambling, though. In regards to this mom, it is hospital portocaol to call DSS for any mom who doesn't not have medical prenatal care. If you are a homebirth client, and you transfer, they automatically call on you because a DEM is not considered a provider of medical care. Yup, it sucks......the whoel system sucks

omg when she showed up... i'd have an attorney there b/c she is trying to violate your constittional rights.... it'd be on ...like donkey kong


but I am glad to hear the baby & mom are doing good

[1boy1girl1bitty2]

0my dad worked shift work all my life (still does) we also lived (still do) on a farm in the middle of nowhere, when dad worked nights one of us girls slept with mom. and well i spent the last week at my moms with my kiddo's and two of those nights i slept with her. i'm 23!!!! there was never, is never , will never be anything sexual or absive about it. but since i moved out my room has been turned into the kids room where they have a crib and a bed but i would have slept with my 16 yr old sister or my 19 yr old sister if i didn't sleep with mom. or the floor but mom and dad just bought new beds in the last couple of months (a bed seemed like a comfier choice). i did cosleep with DD untill she could roll around bjut then i feared i would roll onto her so stopped but that was my choice. My DH lived in a house with two rooms untill he was 10. a living/kithchen room and a bedroom. there was a tub in the closet which they filled using pails of water and there was an outhouse in the porch. but there was always food in their tummies and they werer never without clothing or warmth. they lived within their means. when they had extra bits of money they saved untill they could afford a larger house. and now 20 years later they have modest home and three of their 5 kids still live at home. but still no one goes with out. now if we were in a larger center and not in the back country in saskatchewan canada this may have seemed weird to some but here as long as your children are happy healthy and clean, social services leave you be