View Poll Results: WWYD? TTC & Loss Mentioned - Please Read Before Voting!!!
keep everything (diapers & gear) indefinitely 2 2.90%
keep everything (diapers & gear) for another year or so, go from there 9 13.04%
keep everything (diapers & gear) until she's TTC 1-2x more and go from there 15 21.74%
sell diapers now, keep gear, buy new if/when she's ready 31 44.93%
keep diapers, sell gear now, buy new if/when she's ready 0 0%
sell everything (diapers & gear) now, and buy her new if/when she's ready 12 17.39%
Voters: 69. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-27-2007, 04:48 AM   #1
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WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

Okay, mammas - the woman who introduced me to CDing (and who is the only other person I know IRL who has actually done it herself) is TTC her second (first just turned 5), but has sufferend two first-trimester losses so far. She is obviously devastated, and her OB is concerned about her body's ability to carry a baby (she had problems with her first being IUGR and having other problems; we had all hoped that she was an isolated problem-pregnancy). At this point, she has been told to wait at least 2-3 cycles (for her, 4-6months) before TTC again, and she should see an RE - but she is not sure her insurance will cover it. So there is no clear path forward right now.

Herein lies the question - After the birth of the twinkies (our 2&3 children), we are done, and I have told this friend that I would keep all of my favorite gear & diapers & misc for her to use on her second. This includes everything from an aquarium swing & baby bathtub to 20-some-odd K0s, covers, etc, and I planned to continue adding to the stash as my babies outgrew their diapers (which is happening slowly at this point!!!). However, at this point, the diapers have not been used for about 8mos...and, if all were go to well, and my friend successfully conceived and carried the next time she is allowed to try, it will be another 1.5years AT LEAST before she is in any position to use any of this stuff again. So, at the risk of the elastic in the diapers going bad, I could sell them all, and buy new for her later (she won't use used diapers; she only agreed to use mine because she knows me); I could keep them all indefinitely; I could keep them for another year or so and figure out what to do then, etc. Thing is, I don't want her to either worry that she's making me hold onto this stuff, or feel pressured to take it all if she's not ready; likewise, I don't want her to feel like I've given up on her if she were to find out I sold it all. WWYD? Poll to follow.

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Old 10-27-2007, 05:42 AM   #2
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

I think you could do a couple of things. Tell her that the elastic will go bad if to much time goes by and since the doc gave her orders, you know that unfortunately is going to happen. So..tell her you are going to see them and when she is ready for diapers, you will be using the money to buy new diapers for her.

Or, you can just sell them and not tell her and then when she does get pregnant and is ready for the diapers, just buy her new ones and tell her what you did and she and you can pick the dipes out together. I'd probably go w/ the latter and just not tell her because it isn't really putting you out any if you only buy diapers w/ the money you made from selling them.

Regarding the gear, if you have the storage, keep it and store it for her, otherwise, tell her that ya'll are done w/ the gear and you would like her to have it for future babies and just give it to her to store.

I think you can still do all this very sensitively...
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Old 10-27-2007, 05:58 AM   #3
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

if you already told her you were keeping it for her, i would keep it. if you have the room that is. i think it would be reeaally generous of you to buy all new stuff for her. i guess if you can afford to do so, and really want to (and it sounds lke you do) i suppose you could sell now and buy later if you didn't have the room to store it all. you sound like a great friend.

also, urge her to contact the RE. many insurances will pay for at least some of the procedures, and the office will help walk her through it. mine wouldn't pay for IUI or IVF itself, but it did cover U/S and bloodwork, and a surgery i ended up needing. good luck to her, i know it is not an easy road to travel.
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Old 10-27-2007, 07:08 AM   #4
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

imho, your choices are sell right now or keep indefinitely.
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:00 AM   #5
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

I'd say...be open and talk to your friend. Chances are good that she'll want new diapers when the time comes but everyone (well almost everyone) appreciates gear in great used condition because it is so expensive new!
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:07 AM   #6
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

I would say to just talk to her, tell her that they might break down, and ask her what she wants to do. If you are in need of the storage space, give them to her now and let her store them... I didn't vote because there isn 't an "other" option lol
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Old 10-27-2007, 08:11 AM   #7
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

i say sell and help out with new if/when she is ready
thats hard but your right the stuff should not just sit there.
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Old 10-27-2007, 09:00 AM   #8
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

It's hard TTC and feeling that you're making no progress. The comments made by other people make it all the harder. Only my sister & one of my closest friends were my confidants through our struggles with loss, infertility, and RE.

Since you seem very close, I think you could probably bring up the subject in a gentle way & ask her opinion.

My opinion? Keep the gear, but sell the dipes & save the $$ for new dipes at the right time. It seems like she'd prefer new dipes anyway.

Diapers: You're right about the elastic being an issue. It's not going to be a great gift to her if the elastic is shot.

Baby "Stuff": My sister hung onto her baby gear for me for 8 years. As we set up the crib last night, I was so grateful! I mean, really, she has stored it for a l-o-n-g time & could have sold these items for a decent profit. Instead, she had the confidence that it would get used by our baby someday. I'm really grateful!
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Old 10-27-2007, 10:56 AM   #9
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

I suggest your friend buy two bottles of Nature's Way Fem-Mend, and follow the directions on the bottles while she follows her doctor's advice. Fem Mend regulates cycles, has been known to "cure" incompetent cervix, and has eliminated secondary infertility in myself and several of my friends. For the low cost and lack of side effects, it is worth a try. If it works it may make this whole issue an unecessary discussion.
I can also tell you something about elastic. My experience is that if it is closed in an airtight ziplock baggie and put into an opaque storage container, it will last a couple of years longer than usual. (I've been storing elastic items this way for 3 years now, and have yet to lose any elastic.) Ozone, chlorine, and sunlight all cause elastic to wear out sooner.
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Old 10-27-2007, 11:08 AM   #10
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Re: WWYD? Serious Advice Needed (loss & TTC mentioned)

I haven't read through all the responses, but here's mine. (I didn't vote as I understand your question, nothing fit)

As a woman who's dealt with several m/c, I would still want the respect of being asked since it was promised to me. Trust her that she is a strong woman (she has to be to have faced these losses and continue to keep TTC) and take her to lunch and bring it up.

As for your options I'd personally suggest to her that you sell the diapers (saving any of them that she may have as a personal favorite - she may be willing to replace the elastic if they are a fave of hers) and save the money for her and that it will be a shower gift for her should they have another child. That way she would have the money and it would be the "same" as giving her your diaper stash.

I would let her decide what she'd like to have happen with the gear. She may decide to wait a few months and then sell it or she may want some of it indefinitely.

If she's faced these losses and may be facing more... let her have the small amount of control over this little area.
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