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Old 07-27-2006, 11:21 AM   #1
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So let's talk AP....

spinning off another thread...let's talk AP.

What do you consider AP? Do you think that are certain things that you *have* to do to be an attaed parent, or is it something that you can call yourself without floowing any certain guidelines? Do you get offended by parents who call themselves AP but parenting in ways that you think are not AP? Let's tlka baout it here...it's floating in all other threads, so here is it's very own spot

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Old 07-27-2006, 11:31 AM   #2
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Re: So let's talk AP....

WARNING-THIS IS NOT TO BE OFFENSIVE, OR PICK ON A PARENTING STYLE. THIS ISN'T SAYING THAT AP IS THE ONLY RIGHT WAY TO PARENT, JUST THAT I THINK THIS IS WHAT AP IS. I KNOW SOME GREAT PARENTS WHO ARE NOT AP, AND SOME REALLY BAD ONES THAT ARE. THIS IS JUST A DISCUSSION ON WHAT AP IS, NOT IF IT'S THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR EVERYONE. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE--IT IS NOT A SLAM AGAINST ANYONE.

I'll go first

I think that to Attachment Parent you have to be attached to your kids. I do think that there are certain "requirements" per say....I think that breastfeeding, shared sleeping, baby wearing and respectful guidance are some of the biggies.

As much as I LOVE cd'ing, I don't think that is a requirement, even though I wouldn't put paper on my babe's bum, and most AP moms do cd.

I think moms that have lots of baby gadgets aren't AP...if your baby spends more time swing and a bouncy they aren't attached to you--they're attached to the plastic they're sitting in.

I think that you have to spend a lot of time with your kids to be AP_how attached can you be to a child you rarely see? A girl I went to school with calls herself AP, but works 12 hour days Monday-Friday and her kids go to Grandma's for the weekend every weekend, so her and hubby can have some time alone together. That's not AP in my book.

I do think that calling yourself AP has become trendy, but I don't think real AP is trendy. It's just being an instinctual parent. My heart tells me to keep my babies close and teach them with loving guidance and respect; I don't do it because it's the in thing to do.

I get very offended when I see moms who call themselves AP doing things like propping a bottle--I understand that some women are bottlefeeding for different reasons, but just because you are giving your baby a bottle doesn't mean you can't hold them close and snuggle them while they are eating.

I don't think that AP is even the best parenting "style". I think that what is important is that each mom follows her heart. I've learned some great stuff from moms who vaccinate, put their baby's in cribs, strollers, swings, let them CIO, and circumcise. You can do all those things I dont' do, and still give me ahell of a lesson on a particular cloth diaper, and a great recipe for a meatless dish, too!

Here's another big thing I think...I think that AP moms, real AP moms, are big on teaching their chidlren respect, and that includes respecting poeple different from us. So when I see a mom who says she is VERY AP bashing another mom who isn't crunchy enough for her, that sends a big red flag up to me that she's not all that AP.. How can you teach your children respect and compassion if you odn't rpactice it?

Getting off my soapbox...this AP thing going around is itching my nerves
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Old 07-27-2006, 11:46 AM   #3
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Re: So let's talk AP....

I don't really like the term AP though I like the concept behind it.

To quote myself from the other thread:
"AP is just a more recent term anyway for a style of parenting that's existed for thousands of years. And I use the word 'style' lightly. It's just what comes naturally...or should. It's meeting your child's needs the best you can and loving them the best you can. That's what they really need anyway. Love, support and care that's tailored specifically to them.

Each child is different and thus has different needs. Just like each parent and family is different and has different needs.

There are just some things that you can't help in life and have to work around them.

For example:

Someone who physically/medically cannot breastfeed (an extreme example would be someone who's had a double mastectomy due to cancer or such) -- would not breastfeeding her child make her less intuned with her child and thus not "AP"?

You have a child that will not - no matter what you do -- sleep when in bed with you but will sleep when in his/her own space/bed. Do you force them to sleep with you?

A mom who has horrible back problems or has had back surgery and now has rods in her back and can't wear her child. Does that make her less connected to her son/daughter?

What about a single mom who has to work and can't be around their child all day long and thus is seperated for long periods of time from her child. Does that automatically make her a less nurturing and loving parent?

And there are so many others.

I guess what I'm saying is it's more about whether you are treating your children with love and respect and trying to meet their individual needs and less about the specific actions you do or guidelines you meet.

OK, off my soap box....
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Old 07-27-2006, 11:55 AM   #4
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Re: So let's talk AP....

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeUTfulMama
A mom who has horrible back problems or has had back surgery and now has rods in her back and can't wear her child. Does that make her less connected to her son/daughter?
I'm not necesarilly ap, I do what my instincts tell me and I don't like to label, but thank you for pointing that out. I've had a few women talk down to me because my son was in a stroller or being held by someone else. I had 40 stitches that closed up my back for scoliosis/rods. So I can't wear my son. I had one woman run up to me at a store and told me I need to wear him! So a lot of people (not necesarilly here) need to think of such things before they open their mouth.
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Old 07-27-2006, 12:05 PM   #5
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Re: So let's talk AP....

Glad to help

Quote:
Originally Posted by aliks
I'm not necesarilly ap, I do what my instincts tell me and I don't like to label, but thank you for pointing that out. I've had a few women talk down to me because my son was in a stroller or being held by someone else. I had 40 stitches that closed up my back for scoliosis/rods. So I can't wear my son. I had one woman run up to me at a store and told me I need to wear him! So a lot of people (not necesarilly here) need to think of such things before they open their mouth.
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Old 07-27-2006, 12:13 PM   #6
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Re: So let's talk AP....

I don't think anyone should just follow a book or a set of guidelines as if they were "one size fits all". I think AP is just knowing your child and following his/her needs. When we start trying to say "this is AP, that's not AP" no one is going to agree.
I breastfed for a while, but not as long as I wanted to. I still consider myself AP. I don't co sleep anymore and I circ/vax (though I am rethinking the vaxing). I wear Carter and I stay home with him. I use cloth diapers, but I don't think that has anything to do with AP.
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Old 07-27-2006, 12:31 PM   #7
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Re: So let's talk AP....

AI

Attachment Parenting: The Eight Ideals for infants
Attachment Parenting is a philosophy based in the practice of nurturing parenting methods that create strong emotional bonds, also known as secure attachment, between the infant and parent(s) This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child's emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful and enduring relationships.

In conjunction with the work of Dr. William and Martha Sears, and informed by current research, API promotes The Eight Ideals of Attachment Parenting. Recognizing that every family is unique, these ideals are guidelines to help parents understand their baby's needs to develop a secure attachment.



1. Preparation for Childbirth
2. Emotional Responsiveness
3. Breastfeed your Baby
4. Baby Wearing
5. Nighttime Parenting and Safe Sleeping Guidelines
6. Avoid frequent and prolonged separations from your baby
7. Positive Discipline
8. Maintain balance in your family life

The Eight Ideals of Attachment Parenting for the School-age Child




1. Become knowledgeable about your child's development and cognitive levels.
2. Stay emotionally responsive.
3. Strive for optimum physical health.
4. Maintain a high-touch relationship.
5. Develop and maintain positive sleep routines.
6. Be present and available for your children.
7. Use positive discipline.
8. Maintain balance in your life.
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Old 07-27-2006, 12:31 PM   #8
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Re: So let's talk AP....

i am ap, but don't do it all. it is about what works best for your family
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Old 07-27-2006, 12:36 PM   #9
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Re: So let's talk AP....

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeUTfulMama
I don't really like the term AP though I like the concept behind it.

To quote myself from the other thread:
"AP is just a more recent term anyway for a style of parenting that's existed for thousands of years. And I use the word 'style' lightly. It's just what comes naturally...or should. It's meeting your child's needs the best you can and loving them the best you can. That's what they really need anyway. Love, support and care that's tailored specifically to them.

Each child is different and thus has different needs. Just like each parent and family is different and has different needs.

There are just some things that you can't help in life and have to work around them.

For example:

Someone who physically/medically cannot breastfeed (an extreme example would be someone who's had a double mastectomy due to cancer or such) -- would not breastfeeding her child make her less intuned with her child and thus not "AP"?

You have a child that will not - no matter what you do -- sleep when in bed with you but will sleep when in his/her own space/bed. Do you force them to sleep with you?

A mom who has horrible back problems or has had back surgery and now has rods in her back and can't wear her child. Does that make her less connected to her son/daughter?

What about a single mom who has to work and can't be around their child all day long and thus is seperated for long periods of time from her child. Does that automatically make her a less nurturing and loving parent?

And there are so many others.

I guess what I'm saying is it's more about whether you are treating your children with love and respect and trying to meet their individual needs and less about the specific actions you do or guidelines you meet.

OK, off my soap box....
Love this
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Old 07-27-2006, 12:39 PM   #10
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Re: So let's talk AP....

I think to be AP, you have to be attached to your babies. What I mean by that is responding to their needs and being really intune with your kids.
All the other stuff: co-sleeping, non-vaxing, breastfeeding, CDing, gentle parenting, etc is just extra stuff that circles around the AP world.
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