View Poll Results: Can a baby be spoiled by being held too much? (Please read thread)
YES 11 7.97%
NO 121 87.68%
OTHER (PLEASE EXPLAIN) 6 4.35%
Voters: 138. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-28-2007, 09:31 PM   #21
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

I also vote that you can not spoil a baby that age. You need to follow your instincts and figure out your baby's and family's needs. I never could CIO with mine. But if you need to in order to be the parent you need to be, you are still top-notch in my book.

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Old 10-28-2007, 09:37 PM   #22
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

Maybe see if he has reflux or some other physical problem. It could be that he really is in discomfort or mild pain. Worth a shot. A DF had 3 boys, all with reflux and each was pretty "needy", especially in the beginning.

Hang in there. You'll figure it out.

ETA - I voted no in the poll, but you have to do what's good for you. FWIW - I think waiting 5-10 minutes to let baby cry does not constitute CIO. If your baby cries for HOURS *all the time*, then that could be a problem IMO.
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Old 10-28-2007, 09:50 PM   #23
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

DS # 1 was very independent, so with my second it was a bit of a shocker because he was so much more needy! He does the whole freak out thing if I walk out of the room, etc. Your baby might have hit the stage where he has realized you can leave him and this makes him extra clingy to you. Hang in there, take breaks, and keep trying different things like how he is held in the wrap, different things to chew on in case he is teething (if he is teething, he's probably biting stuff) and keep watching his other physical signs to see if there is any indication of a bigger problem. Chances are he's just a very high-needs baby and you have a little cling-on (that's what I call mine) for the next few months. He won't be like this forever. You're doing a good job, mama!
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Old 10-28-2007, 09:57 PM   #24
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

I think so, but at your child's age (and my youngest as well) I don't think that's the case really. Even at 5 months old I don't think they understand exploiting people they just know what they like and what makes them feel good. If a child is screaming and crying to be held and is say 18 months old then yes I think that's venturing into spoiled and understanding "if I act this way I will get picked up".

I have noticed sometimes with DD#2 that I have to lay her down on the bed and walk away and let her fuss for a moment. In less than 5 minutes she's out. If she sees me though she'll go into hysterics. So I just stay away. If she gets to her "lamb" cry which is her "I'm very upset, and this is more than just fuss" cry I go get her ASAP.
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Old 10-28-2007, 09:58 PM   #25
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

Spoiled actually means they are acting out in a way to get attention for an unmet need. So in that vein, no, you can not spoil them by holding them too much.

However as a baby gets older they do need to learn that it is ok to be unattached to the mama especially when the attachment (holding not in the way of bonding) is causing emotional duress in the mother/parent.

Have you sent an email to Dr Sears' family? Do they have a number parents can call and have someone talk them through the big picture that is often hard to see when you are bleary-eyed exhausted?

Do you have a mom or your mom who will assure you they will hold and comfort him so that you can go and have a short break 30-60min out of the house? One thing my Attachment Parenting "mentor" mamas have taught me is that BALANCE is key in an appropriate healthy parent/child relationship. That if the mama is at her wit's end then the relationship is at it's wit's end and it will not grow and flourish as much as it could if she is able to gain balance again.

Not sure if that is helpful at all and w/o knowing how long it's been this way and such it's hard to comment on specifics. However if he's nursing constantly, perhaps he's ready for more than breastmilk. I know they all strongly encourage breastmilk only until after 6m, but some babies need it sooner. Organic mashed banana may be an option. If he is going through a growth spurt and/or just needs more than your milk supply is offering him... it may just been what he needs. But .... it may not. If you aren't comfortable with offering solids, then by all means do NOT do it.
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Old 10-28-2007, 09:59 PM   #26
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

I think taking up to a 15 minute break every once in a while for your own sanity is fine. I think it also depends on his age. If he is less than a few months or 6 months old I would say it might be iffy, but you need your rest. I vote you can only spoil him when he is of manipulating age, it varies, my daughter was probably around 5 months when she started doing it. I do agree with pp though, take him to see a doc about possible issues like reflux.
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Old 10-28-2007, 09:59 PM   #27
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gegesmommy View Post
Tell me about it. I have my boob suckeds on all night long!!!!! And you reminded me, I just came back from San Diego yesterday. Well my brother just got out of bootcamp. Well after his graduation we were all starving and looking for an In N Out because that's what my brother wanted. Well while we were in the car DS was screaming his lungs off. Screaming as if someone was torturing him. I coulnd't do anything to get him quiet. Well my brother being the hot head that he is started yelling for me to "shut that kid up". He was screaming at my 5 month old. I was so hurt and started crying because I traveled all the way over there to be with him at his graduation when I haven't seen him for over a year and he never even had seen my DS and the first thing he says to him is "Shut the Hell up". I was soooooo hurt!!
Wow, I would have been soooooo MAD!!! That would have been one heck of a fight, LOL - and I don't fight about much.

I don't think you can spoil an infant. All babies cry and some are clingy and it is just an easy excuse for other people to tell you it's b/c you are spoiling him. You said that your 1st wasn't like this - you haven't changed It is just his personality right now & it'll change.
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Old 10-28-2007, 10:04 PM   #28
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

ok. here's my

My second baby nolan cried all the time until he was about 7 months old. There was nothing wrong with him, he was not colic or spoiled, he just cried. Being my second baby I was determined to cosleep with him because that is what worked with my first baby and it is what I wanted to do. Almost a year later I realized that Nolan just simply cannot cosleep. It was a devastating realization for me but it became clearer and clearer that he just had to CIO. It was the ONLY way he would ever get any real sleep.

For the first six months I was literally glued to my glider because he would only sleep if I held him and I couldn't bear for him to CIO. GLUED...and I didn't cook, clean, bathe, or eat with any peace for SIX MONTHS. When we were cosleeping he would wake up all the time, he was a very light sleeper and would wake easily. Again, not at all like my first baby.

So my recommendation is CIO. I think some babies just have to.

My third baby is much like my first one was, she cosleeps just fine.

good luck...just keep telling yourself, if what you are doing right now isn't working...try something else.
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Old 10-28-2007, 10:08 PM   #29
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Smile Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

Absolutely I believe they can be spoiled. Actually my sister who has been a day care provider for over 20 years and specifically with infants has proven it. She even did so with my own kids. Don't get me wrong I don't believe for a minute there is anything wrong with it. I spoil mine and will continue to do so. They are only small once so I let them wrap me around their tiny little fingers.
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Old 10-28-2007, 10:08 PM   #30
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Re: Do you think a baby can be spoiled?

I thought I would add...Nolan screamed all the time in the car too. Oh man! sometimes we would have to drive for 45 minutes and he would scream the whole time! Actually, he always screamed the whole time, until he was about 1 year old. There was absolutely nothing that would make him calm down. Toys didn't work, singing didn't work, passy didn't work...We just had to get used to it. And now...as a three year old...he stilllllllll screams all the time...only now it's about Lucas took his toy, or Lucas robbed his plasma car, or Lucas....but he doesn't just scream...he screams at the top of his lungs like a maniac screams!
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