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Old 11-20-2007, 03:32 PM   #1
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Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

I am so frustrated right now!! We just had our monthly get together with DH's family (not my idea but that's another story) and now I'm mad, like usual .

The first thing I hear about it why haven't you started solids. I repeat, like I always do, that DD just turned 6 months old, and is happy and healthy, so I don't see any reason to rush, but I'm thinking of starting a little something soon. My MIL actually rolled her eyes at me.
Then we get to make fun of the diapers for a while. "You do know how silly she looks with that huge butt, right?" "Why does she wear those weird things?" Uggggg...
Next it's the amber necklace. My BIL asked what it was for, for the hundredth time. I swear they ask just so they can make fun of it/me. I camly and briefly explained again, and my FIL acually buried his head in a pillow and started laughing hysterically.
They must of asked me ten times if she's always this fussy. Ummm...no, she's fussy because she hasn't slept ALL day because every time she falls asleep you people start yelling and wake her up. Oh, and then of course it was she's just fussy because you hold her too much (they were trying to play with her on the floor). I hear that all the time...I hold her too much.

For a long time my DH just told me to blow it off, ignore them. Well, now he even notices it. He was so mad when we left. Next month if they start, I should say WHEN they start, we're leaving.
My DH has a sister who has an 18month old DD, and his parents worship her. They are very mainstream. They threatened to spank her 4 times while we were there . They fed her candy, pie, whatever she wanted. I disagree with a lot of the decisions they make as parents, but I keep my mouth closed. She's their child, and it's none of my business how they raise her.
It's clear that my inlaws will never have the same relationship with our DD that they have with their other granddaughter. It's tempting at times to just conform to their way when we're around them, so that we all get along better, but I just can't do that, and I shouldn't have to. I feel stronly that I'm doing the best for my child. I just wish they could respect my decisions. I guess it's time to stop being nice, and really tell them how I feel. It's been a long time coming. I was just trying to keep the peace, but it's getting crazy now.
Thanks for reading all the way to the end. I know it was long, I just really needed to vent.

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Old 11-20-2007, 03:37 PM   #2
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!



(nak'ing a 7 month old who STILL does not eat any solids, has a fluffy bum, and is currently wearing HIS amber necklace.)
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Old 11-20-2007, 03:38 PM   #3
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

You couldnt have said it better mama!!! Good luck next month!!!
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Old 11-20-2007, 03:40 PM   #4
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

Frankly, I'd have a come-to-Jesus meeting with my DH about minimizing the time I (and my child) had to spend with his family unless he stood up for our parenting decisions to them.
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Old 11-20-2007, 03:42 PM   #5
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

Good luck next month. I dread dinner thursday as we just had our ds 3 weeks ago and I bf, use cloth and wear him oh and we didn't circ, which is not the norm for dh's family or my family ( but mine is 3000 miles away) I am not looking forward to the comments, I hope you can say something if it happens again. they have no right to judge how you are raising your child.
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Old 11-20-2007, 03:54 PM   #6
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

That must be really difficult for you. I get comments on the size of my little man and how he isn't doing things other kids around his age are doing. I think sometimes people don't "think" before they speak. Words can be very hurtful and I am very sorry for you mama. I am sure you are doing a great job. Just stand firm on what you feel is best and let the comments go. That is what I have had to do. It isn't easy, but it does help me.
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Old 11-20-2007, 04:56 PM   #7
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

Thanks everyone! Next month something will definitely be said. DH and I both just thought it would be easier to ignore them, but it's very clear that that isn't going to work. I have no problem telling them how I feel, and that if they can't respect our choices as parents we won't be coming to their monthy get togethers. I wanted to talk to DH, so we could have a plan and be on the same page. Now that I know we are, I'm ready for next month
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Old 11-20-2007, 05:06 PM   #8
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

I truely feel for you. I have a completely different parenting style than my inlaws. Well, my SIL and MIL. It's really annoying to be around them. We don't do it very often because my DH actually hears more of their c**p afterwards over the phone than I hear when we're there. He got tired of it!! You need to spank your kids, you hold the baby too much, you're "still" BF?(at 1 year) Then my SIL had her baby and someone held him constantly or he'd scream and he had a bottle until at least 2 years old, but she only breastfed for a couple of months. And he sleeps with his parents. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, it's just that they are some of the things they harassed me about. Grrrr...If their kids do something wrong, it's always someone else's fault. If our kids do something wrong, they are terrible and should be harshly punished. I could go on and on, but I won't. You get the point. We don't want to subject our kids to that kind of stuff, so we just stay away as much as possible.

Oh yeah, I can't wait until they find out I'm using all cloth diapers with this baby. Should be a real fun conversation!!
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Old 11-20-2007, 05:20 PM   #9
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

Im sorry you had to put up with that. Almost makes me glad that Im half way around the world from my family. I hear about it but its on the phone and if I get annoyed I just make up a reason to hang up. My daughter doesn't much like solids still so I hear "if you don't wean her soon she is going to still be nursing in college". I don't let her cry it out, "you will be controled by your kid, shes manipulating you". I don't even own a stroller, DD gets carried everywhere, "she will never learn to walk" (interesting note, my daughter started walking at around 8 1/2 months without any encouragement from us, she was ready and just did it). I stay at home with her, "you have no ambition". I could go on but it annoys me. We are suppose to be going back for Christmas next year and I told John that they better mind their manners or Ill walk out. I don't care. Im sure Ill hear about it when I tell her shes still going to be nursing if she wants to.
Just follow your instincts. Its your baby and you are doing whats best and they can butt out.
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Old 11-21-2007, 10:13 AM   #10
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Re: Why can't people just mind their own business? Long vent!!

Uhg, I get the same crap from my sil. Back when Louise was only 4-6 months old I'd get the 'when are you going to feed her solids?' Sil started feeding her daughter baby food at 1 month!

'Wouldn't she walk better without that big diaper?'

'You messed up by letting her sleep with you, now she thinks she runs the show.'

on and on.....I sympathize. Sometimes I want to smack my sil. And they spank there 1yo all the time, she is constantly getting yelled at. I feel so bad for her.
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