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Old 11-22-2007, 01:59 AM   #1
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Unhappy What would you do?

I am having a really hard time deciding what to do in regards to telling my family I am expecting again. My sister just told me she got off the phone with my mom and she is upset because we can't afford to go to thanksgiving at her house (she recently moved 11 hours away) so my husband can't take the days off work nor can we afford all the plane tickets. And I sure as hell am not driving 11 hours with a 7 month old baby who hates the car seat and an 8 year old who is a chatter box. So my mom starts in on a rant about how "she has her babies at the worst possible times, she has 10 more good years to have babies and they just had to rush and have Skye right after they got married" Also a little background info...I had my first son when I was 19 and the father was not a long time boy friend and was/is not involved at all with my son. So when she saw him for maybe the 5th time (and refused to be called anything but Cathy) when he was about a year old she was holding him and when she gave him back to me she said "you should have had an abortion" to her that meant you are not ready to give this kid the proper upbringing and that was her way of saying it. Needless to say I didn't speak to her for years. She eventually appologized and realised I am a good mother and has praised me on the job I had done with my son. So we started a relationship again. She was great to my son. Well, then I got married and even though we don't own a home and don't have money pouring out of our pockets we decided to have a baby right away. The first month of marriage we were preggo. She was thrilled (so I thought) and then she goes and makes these sorts of statements to my sister! Now I am pregnant with our third baby which was not planned and only 4 months after having Skye (which she will obviously feels is irresposible) so part of me wants to not tell her at all and just send her a pic of the baby when it's born (but I think I may see her beforehand and she will see I am pregnant) or to email her and announce it that way with a PS: if you don't have anything possitive to say about our exciting news please keep it to yourself.

I know I shouldn't care what she thinks because it is my life. I am not asking her for money, help, housing or anything. Just that she be a loving grandmother to my kids. I personally don't think it should be ok for her to say these things to my sister since we are not asking her for anything. We are raising our kids on our own with out help from her. Just because we are not rich like her does not mean our kids are not happy and won't have a perfectly fulfilling life with the love we provide them. They never go hungry or cold and we always have a roof over their heads. We really are not bad off, but compared to my sister (who owns a home, hubby makes 150K a year they own 3 cars and only have one child and that is all they have, they both went to college etc) But I don't think it's a competition. So I don't like all this judgement on us.

My husband wants to keep the new baby under wraps until the first of the year but by the first of the year I will already be over 16 weeks...I don't want it to look like we are ashamed of this baby or trying to hide it. I would rather tell at the 12 week mark and say we wanted to be cautious and make sure we were past the point of danger before announcing it....Which is a week away...

If you were in this situation what would you do?

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Old 11-22-2007, 02:07 AM   #2
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Re: What would you do?

That hard...I really don't know what I would do. I honestly think if it would make me feel crummy telling them expecting them to not have wonderful things to say, I wouldn't tell them. Its not her baby or life.

I hope it works out for you
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Old 11-22-2007, 02:07 AM   #3
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Re: What would you do?

MY MIL only wanted me to have one . Yeah that didn't happen. I feel the lord will give you what you can handle. That's what I would tell her. I tell my MIL all the time it's my decision. I have told her off a few times and she pretty much keeps things to herself now. She recetly asked if I was Pregnant agian and I said no but so what if I am. Just don't let them get to you. You are going to be happy and that's all that matters.
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Old 11-22-2007, 02:18 AM   #4
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I wish I could use the God card but my mom and sister are not the godly type, they don't believe. So they would laugh in my face if I started ratlling off "God" like I am some "high and mighty person" I had a baby out of wedlock for petes sake. I can just hear it all now....

I think that is a good approach though saying it is my life. I mean really I am happliy married and very excited about having this baby. We agree it happened before we were "ready" for it to but you know what...it happened, we can't undo it so we have accepted it and are excited and just wish others would be too. (my sister is thrilled by the way because she can't have anymore, but she also thinks I am CRAZY) hehe

I am still on the fence about to tell her or not...but I think not telling her will just show her that we are embarassed and ashamed which we are not. Also she has no idea I know she said these things and may "act" just as thrilled about the new baby as she did when we announced we were expecting Skye...
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Old 11-22-2007, 02:40 AM   #5
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Re: What would you do?

I had one out of wedlock and was pregnant with # 2 when getting married. That doesn't make you a bad person. After all she is your mother so if she says anything bad about it just throw it in her face that she raised ya LOL. Then see what she has to say about that one.
My MIL hates it when I talk about more children so I say I want like 10 just to get her panties in a bunch. I really don't want that many by the way. I would go crazy!
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Old 11-22-2007, 03:05 AM   #6
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Re: What would you do?

I just wanted to post and say Congratulations!

If you already told your sister, you better hope that she doesn't tell your mom before you do! Or better yet, then maybe you don't have too..

Good luck with your decision, as other's have said, it's your life.. as long as you are happy that's what counts!

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Old 11-22-2007, 05:28 AM   #7
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I don't think that I would tell her. I know that she appologized for the "abortion" comment, but that is harsh. I would hate for her to "bring you down" at this time of year. You should be thrilled with your news and be happy while celebrating the holidays with your family.
My grandparents were a little like this when we told them we were getting married (I wasn't through college yet - 1 semester left!) And then again 4 years later when I was expecting (I wasn't finished with my Master's DD was due in May I would be finished in August) They never said anything harsh, just said that they wished I would have waited. It made me feel bad at the time, but they love DD and DH to death now.
I guess you just have to think about what is best for you, not for her. If she is going to be upset that you didn't tell her, oh well. If she says something nasty about your pg then you shouldn't be upset either.
HTH
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Old 11-22-2007, 07:34 AM   #8
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Re: What would you do?

You know what I would tell her around 12 weeks and say something like we wanted our kids close in age and that is how it is gonna be. I would also add the part where she is NOT helping you guys raise your children financially. Really it isn't any of her business why your pregnant so soon after the baby so she should get over it.
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Old 11-22-2007, 12:24 PM   #9
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Re: What would you do?

I can sort of see where you are comming from. I am 8 weeks pregnant right now and we've told most of our friends and my husband's side of the family that I am pregnant. (and they are very excited) I have a 15 month old from a previous relationship that my mom was excited about when I told her I was pregnant then. My dad went around telling everyone that I got "knocked up" and my brother constantly badgered me with stupid questions about why I didn't have an abortion.
We don't have a lot of money and struggle to make ends meet right now.
I figure I will tell my family once I hit my seccond trimester and am so sickningly happy that nobody can stand me. That way their stupid comments won't bother me as much. Unfortunately everyone in my family always has to have an opinion that they can't seem to keep to themselves.
My husband wants to tell them sooner, and already told my mom that I might be pregnant because I've been really sick. I know they totally suspect it but they haven't asked me about it or anything yet and that's how I like it for now. I hate everyone when I'm in my first trimester.
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Old 11-22-2007, 07:08 PM   #10
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Re: What would you do?

Whether you decide to tell at 12 or 16 weeks i think you should tell before you have the baby ... or before you HAVE to tell for some other reason - i don't see anything wrong witht elling at 16 weeks.. we told close (geographically) family around 8 weeks because i was starting to show - but we aren't telling family who lives far away/family friends/etc until after our big ultrasound .. we were going to wait til 16 weeks but our u/s is 17.5 weeks so we're just waiting and then telling htem.. if you just tell them the due date and not how far along you are most people won't actually do the math to figure out the difference between 12 and 16 weeks..

as for your mom not being happy about this - that is just not right, i would remind her of how much she loves your other kids and tell her this baby is already one of her grandkids and she needs to treat him/her that way .. I ahd to have that talk with my mom unfortunately because she thought i got pregnant too soon after DD and was treating the pregnancy totally differently than she did with DD (that pregnancy ended in m/c )
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