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Old 12-03-2007, 05:41 AM   #11
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Re: I'm a failure ::vent::

I would change up the Grandma thing too. Look at it from her perspective. She spends all day at school and in only home in the evening. Then on her Days off she is shipped off to Grandmas. Those are days that need to be spent connecting with her brother and you and dh. Yeah an occasional day or weekend at Grandma's is fine but it sounds like every weekend is not working.

Also how is school going? How are her teachers? Are they causing stress? Is she struggling? That could also be playing a role.

Jenn

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Old 12-03-2007, 06:19 AM   #12
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Re: I'm a failure ::vent::

I was like that a bit when i was a child. I got better some, but even through high school I was still oversensitive. Honestly I think it was because of a lack of emotional support at home. My mom was good about it, but my step-dad was not. He'd send me to my room, ridicule me, tell me how stupid I was being, etc... even if HE was the one who made me upset. Yet he was not that way with "his" children, they would get hugged and comforted when they were upset.

There's a book I read called "how to talk so your kids will listen" it may be helpful for you. If she is sensitive like that, there's not a chance in the world you can "fix" it. All you can do is learn to communicate more effectively with her and lessen the stress she feels.

That said, a LOT of girls that age are oversensitive. It's not entirely unheard of and her conflicting schedule with grandma like the other mamas have said is not going to help.
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Old 12-03-2007, 06:55 AM   #13
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Re: I'm a failure ::vent::

I haven't read all responses, sorry if I'm repeating.
Your daughter sounds a LOT like me as a kid, and heck even as an adult.
Two things popped into my head.
Has she been tested for Celiac Sprue?
One of the symptoms is being overly emotional. My mom and I both have it and when I was having a real hard time with PPD mom called and said "I just found this article that says two of the symptoms of Celiac are sadness and depression and anger" It also causes confusion and poor memory.

My second thought was that maybe spending so much time with grandma really isn't doing her any good. I used to spend a ton of time with my grandparents, and I would curse my mom out when she wouldn't do what I wanted because "GRANDMA WOULD DO IT!" Those things that grandmas do become mainstream and expected instead of a special treat. Instead of getting to go out to lunch and shopping once a month I would expect it every day. She sounds overindulged. While it's great that she has a grandma who loves her I think you should talk to her and ask if she's noticing the problems. ANd suggest a break for a while. Have her go see grandma every other week and only for part of a day.
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Old 12-03-2007, 07:08 AM   #14
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Re: I'm a failure ::vent::

Attention. To kids any attention is good attention, even when it is bad.

If she is worried about death, have her help put a plan in place for what happens IF. She asked who would take care of her...let her know there is a plan. I'm very blunt about medical stuff with my kids, but I also help them through it. Not to give TMI, but when I was in labor with #3, the doc came to check me and my daughter says "mom, that's a LOT of blood". I said, "yes it is", then the nurse cleaned me up. I then asked DD if that was better, and I got, "yes, MUCH better!" It is fine that she knows there is a lot of blood sometimes with delivery, but I still helped her recognize how she felt about it.

I think death is the same way. My son (13) said it was sort of "creepy" living near a cemetery. I told him I preferred living here because we show respect for the area rather than someone who would damage the headstones or something. Death is part of life, but that is just something kids that age process on their own.

I remember being totally freaked out by the death of a step-grandfather (whom I didn't even know!) at about the age of 7 or 8.

Take some time with her, help her figure out exactly what she is feeling or thinking, and then help her work out some positive ideas in regards to it. If your son IS hurting her (which I'm sure is not an intentional thing), you can always offer a "quiet place" for her to hang out as a break. It doesn't have to be MIL's house. My kids have their own spaces they can retreat to if the "family time" is not what they want right then.

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Originally Posted by stacey View Post
Alright Ladies,

I am not sure there is anythign you can really say to this but, I just have to get it out because although DH is great, he will just think I am crazy and mad at him for going to work.

I have a 'high needs' six year old. There is nothing wrong with her technically but, she is very very sensitive. Lately, she is crying over everything. Even very stupid things. I (although not working) am a certified Funeral Director so death is a common topic in our house. Very matter of fact like. No, 'your kitty ran away' but more like 'fluffy died. she isn't in pain now'. I know, rough. I only lie about santa tho. So, randomly the other day she started crying and when I asked her why she said 'you are going to die and i am going to miss you. who will take care of me?' I explained that by the time i am dead, she will probably have taken care of me for a while. she will be okay. she got over it and then later was sad because she had to go to school and couldn't go to 'wee read' (play group at the library) and it was just as seroius to her as when i was going to die.

So, she spends every weekend with her grama (MIL) and MIL is awesome with emma and brings her to dance on saturday and plays crafts and everything else with her. Today MIL said, 'we are leaving in about an hour to go home' and emma said ok and then an hour later when she said to get her shoes on, emma cried (hysterically) and said she didn't want to go home because her brother (2) is mean to her and he opens her eyes when she tries to sleep and he takes her toys and we don't do crafts and i don't love christmas enough and i only put up one tree and it dosen't have colored lights and daddy has to work and . . . on and on. So emma called me and i told her sorry but, i am not giving yours brothers up for adoption so youa re going to have to get over it. She cries over everything and she wouldn't eat dinner because today she dosen't like brocolli (yesterday li9ked it more than french fries) and she hates cheese and when i told her she was mean to me and didn't appreciate me, she said, no i love you. you are the beast thing that ever happened in my life and without you i wouldn't be here. She is just hot and cold and i don't know what to do about it.

Any ideas? She HATES her brother and i can't make hikm nice all the time. I feel like a divorced parent competing for her love with my MIL. I can't make her stop going because i think emma needs the break but, well, HELP!!

Stacey
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Old 12-03-2007, 09:37 PM   #15
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Re: I'm a failure ::vent::

Okay,

Lets start with, lots of great advice girls! Thank you very much.

As far as me coming across abrasive, I can't help it, nothing ocmes out the same in typing. I am a bit overdramatic and sarcastic and it just dosen't translate well. I work with guys overseas and they all say they have to picture me talking to understand my typing.

And to address feeling sorry for her and my sons, I didn't mean it literaly. My 3 yo boy is VERY emotionaly sensitive and its okay, It is okay when she is sensitive the problem is that it is getting more and more severe with her, not that it exists at all. And I don't mind when it is a reasonable thing to be upset about, even when it is only reasonable in six year old land. It is when she is crying because I put brocoli in the omlettes (and she LOVED brocolli yesterday) and she has a full blown melt down like a toddler that it is an issue.

I do think she may need a bit more mommy and me time and she is going to be getting less grama and her time. I can't cut out every weekend because she goes to dance class on saturday and I won't bring her for a number of reasons. But, grama can pick her up right beofre and bring her back after.

I went to the school today to request a counselor and am already waiting on the full workup of testing from the school department (which is a whole nother soap box that i don't have the energy to climb up on ) and as far as switching classes goes, I am not there yet but, soon. I know emma likes her teacher tho.

Well, I think it may get better. We will see.

Thanks again!
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Old 12-03-2007, 11:35 PM   #16
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Re: I'm a failure ::vent::

I dont have any advice my daughter is only 4, she cries over more then I think she should, but its not that bad. Good luck.
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