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Old 12-03-2007, 07:18 AM   #1
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S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

Just wondered if there were many others out there.... and have a place to commiserate on the troubles/trials/joys of being a second family.

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Old 12-03-2007, 08:28 AM   #2
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

Are you speaking of prior marriages/children? If so, I'm a second wife, he never had kids with his first wife but she is still VERY much a presence in our lives and it drives me CRAZY because she's very unstable. My in-laws are still quite close with her and include her in everything possible.

Only recently have I voiced my displeasure about her to them.
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Old 12-03-2007, 08:38 AM   #3
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

I have a stepdaughter by my husband's first marriage. It sucks because her mom is the ex wife from *ell but she's such a sweet kid. I only wish we could spend more time with her.
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Old 12-03-2007, 08:57 AM   #4
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

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Originally Posted by SorenEdenTuckers View Post
Are you speaking of prior marriages/children? If so, I'm a second wife, he never had kids with his first wife but she is still VERY much a presence in our lives and it drives me CRAZY because she's very unstable. My in-laws are still quite close with her and include her in everything possible.

Only recently have I voiced my displeasure about her to them.
Generally a second family is when there are prior children... but hey, I'll commiserate with ANYONE that has an ex-beast!

My DH's ex is also close with DH's family... Well, she thinks she is anyway. She visits them on a regular basis (without the step-kids) ... they don't really like her OR dislike her but she kind of barges her way into their lives and they are too sweet to say anything but it makes me feel VERY disrespected as his new wife.

She just recently told my DH's family that if they wanted to buy things for my step-kids to send it to HER house or come over to HER house for them to open it.... OY!
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Old 12-03-2007, 09:53 AM   #5
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

We are the second family!

I am DH's fourth wife..yes fourth! Here's the mix:
1st wife--inherited a son (now 41) that he adopted and had his biological boy (now 36).
2nd wife--marriage of convenience...long story
3rd wife--thought to be the last. Inherited a step-son (now 31). She passed away of cancer/kidney transplant/general diabetic issues
4th wife--me!

On my side, I had not been married before but brought a 5-year-old boy into the mix (now 13).

Add it up so far...that's 4 boys!

Then we had our daughter (now 7) and son (now 4 1/2 months) together.

We LOVE this mix! The older boys don't care what happens, as long as we don't get under their feet. The one that is 31 has kids the same age group as our younger set, and we get along great! DH is a wonderful man and very mellow (comes with a mature age), and the kids really benefit from the mix.

I have nothing to complain about. Actually, the 1st ex-wife and my daughter-in-law (wife of the 36-year-old boy) threw me a baby shower for my daughter.

Sorry...no commiseration, but I had to tell a positive story!
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Old 12-03-2007, 10:27 AM   #6
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

although we have not gotten married yet...my S/O has the ex wife from *ell she makes it very hard for him to see his 6 yr old and 1 yr old daughters. my d(EX)h and i actually get along great! at first we didnt but after being separated for about a year and with the divorce finalization only days away we are good friends. he confides in me about not liking his 19 yr old gf (he's 24 - im 23) his gf tells everyone that she is madly in love and wants to marry him and he just laughs and says no haha!! i met the girl while in active LABOR...yeah...had some last minute things i wanted to take care of like check our old apartment for my mail....and met her! now i talk to her (to show my girls (2 yrs and 6 months) that all is cool between mommy and sarah. my oldest calls both dad occasionally...which i have mixed feelings about since she knows her father...but i think its great that she feels comfortable enough with jason to call him daddy jason now and then. my youngest has only had my bf as a dad so he is daddy to her. i call my ex matt to her. i actually asked if he'd sign his rights away to her so that it would be less confusing as she gets older (he was not a part of my pregnancy and denied her until she was 4 months old and we had a paternity test) he refused to sign the rights away...so we are working through that.

jason's kids call me mom every now and then and 'our' 6 yr old has from the 2nd time she met me, 'our' 1 yr old does it because a ton...but im thinking its because i respond to mom from my 1/2 of our girls and i can understand her baby signs that we all use.

all in all...i love all 4 of our girls...not feeling the love so much for his ex...but will smile and be nice so she doesnt have hard feelings towards me or their dad...and we (me, my ex and my bf) try hard to make things easy on all our kids...bf's ex doesnt try to do anything that is helpful
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Old 12-03-2007, 12:33 PM   #7
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

I'm also in a second.....um....third family/marriage type situation. My DH was married twice before, children in both marriages. The oldest is now 19 and lives primarily on his own as he's in our home state and we're in Florida now (I hate this state, blech). From his second marriage he had two children and received custody of both due to his ex's drinking and drug use (she's now dead from a drug overdose in 2005). Ex #1 is a nutcase, the kind who believes her own stories/lies and reality eludes her. Ex #2 was just a total nut job too, and we had to walk on egg shells with her because any positive changes or new baby news just sent her into crying fits around the children. She was awful to deal with. She really did a number on my step son, who had some weird bodily habits due to her and getting attention from her (she favored the younger child, a girl). Being a step mom was ok with me until recently as pre teen and teenage ages have arrived, it's become more difficult and unfortunately my husband is showing more favoritism to his kids now than he did before so we're having problems agreeing on punishment and behaviour, etc. Being part of a blended family is like walking a tight rope, you really have to watch where you put your feet.
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Old 12-03-2007, 01:28 PM   #8
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diaper'nDiva View Post
Generally a second family is when there are prior children... but hey, I'll commiserate with ANYONE that has an ex-beast!

My DH's ex is also close with DH's family... Well, she thinks she is anyway. She visits them on a regular basis (without the step-kids) ... they don't really like her OR dislike her but she kind of barges her way into their lives and they are too sweet to say anything but it makes me feel VERY disrespected as his new wife.

She just recently told my DH's family that if they wanted to buy things for my step-kids to send it to HER house or come over to HER house for them to open it.... OY!
I so feel your pain but I am thankful that they didn't have kids.
My in-laws up until recently thought the sun rose and set on Stephen's ex-wife (married 10 years). They got divorced in 1999 due to infidelity on her part and a few other things. Stephen kept quiet about it so my in-laws never really knew just how deep things went and only really heard "her" victim side of the story until October when I finally had enough and told them a few things they didn't know before like her pretending to have a miscarriage when she really had an abortion (with a very much planned baby) and crying on their shoulders about her "loss".

This woman has come to every family and holiday function on my husbands side since I have been in the picture, my baby shower, and even showed up at the hospital with my MIL when I had 2 of my kids...yes seriously.

She's made passive aggressive comments about our daughter incinuating that my husband couldn't be the father since Eden has blue eyes (hubby has brown and I have green but both of us have a parent with blue eyes)
Think: "wow I didn't know someone with brown eyes could make a blue eyed baby" to anyone who would listen.

She made out quite well in the divorce because he just wanted it over with and let's just say she put a lot of money up her nose in a very short period of time.

I am a little bitter knowing what my husband went through with her even though it was before my time, but it's the whole "hurt him and you hurt me" kind of scenario.

She's bad freakin news and I am so glad we moved far, far away from her.
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Old 12-03-2007, 10:14 PM   #9
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

Sort of, but I left him. My ex has two daughters from his first marriage. The ex never "allowed" them to meet me. My ex could have gone against her wishes, since she didn't have a legal leg to stand on, but wouldn't.

I think had we not been his "second" family, in every sense possible, we would have had a better chance at making it. The number 1 reason I left was because I was tired of living in poverty while his "first" family got to live a comfortable, middle class lifestyle in a very nice house we were paying for and he ex only had to work 12 hours a week.

I'm still bitter, so I'll commiserate with you.
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Old 12-03-2007, 10:25 PM   #10
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Re: S/O: Who else is a "second" family?

We are a second family both ways !

I have a son from a previous relationship and he has a girl from a previous relationship.

Oddly his ex and I are pretty good friends. My ex on the other hand could get hit by a bus tomorrow and neither of us would shed a tear. He took of on me when I was 8mo pregnant, stole money from me, brought his new thing to the hospital while I gave birth, other things inbetween, then recently he took of to another state with some chicky poo he met online got married, went AWOL then turned Deserter (which is way worse than AWOL), is about 8grand behind on child support just on DS alone and he has 2 other kids hes suppoed to be paying on, his wife is sending me PMs on myspace about the 2 of them she is sending nasty mail to my parents, all kinds of things going on with him. Hes just a POS IMO !!!!
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