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Old 12-08-2007, 08:58 PM   #11
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Re: MIL help

I know exactly exactly what you mean.
My MIL is the same way. When I had my DD she kind of made fun of me in a way for BF said how was she gonna keep her over night? Uh your not!
I don't feel the need to be away from my kids. I could use some help it is harder with my twins but sometimes the help isn't really help and I'd just rather do it myself than deal with being annoyed. The " I can't wait til he gets old enough to walk over here" That was us a couple years ago. I lived on my inlaws land also and if we didn't move my mil would have my dd convinced to move out and stay with her. I love her to death my mil but she just trys to control the situation to much. I can have everything I need right there beside me and she'll still be like can I get you such and such and I'm like I have it right here. I'll try to do something and she kindof tries to take it from me and do it not like a lay back and let me do it but a pushing way of tring to think of what I need before I do. When I do suggest things she still doe what she wants like I didn't jsut say something to her. I love the wrap idea my problem is I have two. I hope things do work out for you. And I would suggest let her know how you feel but I'm not one to stand up for myself and like another mama said than your mil's mad at you for being truthful. And just want to say my mil's most common and the words that I hate her to say is "Is it feeding time?" Any time the boys cry she asks that. Not every time they cry are the hungry. And yes she's one that thinks they can't cry even for a moment. One time I said they are tired please let them be they were in there swing. I left the room and she got one out and was rocking him.Also here latley they start crying on her and she's like here MAma or Dadfy I can't get him to quit. You want him but if he cries you give him back they are babies they cry. Anyways good luck to you I do feel for you

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Old 12-08-2007, 09:08 PM   #12
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Re: MIL help

I just wanted to say about the baby snatching thing I think my inlaws think bad thoughts about me b/c I try to what they say hog my babies. Whatever. At Thanksgiving my sil cused me out in front of everyone and what made me maddest was my dd could have picked upa ny of those words she said. Anyways I said the boys are sleeping let's leave them there or alone something like that. WE had been at my mom's for a while and they didn't go to sleep once. I left them both in the carseats and they went straight there and got them out and woke them up and said oh there awake and then when they started crying they hand them over to me
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Old 12-08-2007, 09:52 PM   #13
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Re: MIL help

How far away do they live? Do they come often?
As far as the bf, just ignore them. Don't be snippy, cause it will just make her more mad. Just try to calmly explain why you are bf. Sometimes, just to make them stop, I remind them that babies are expensive and buying formula just isn't in the budget and would rather feed her for free! Also remind her that is better for your health as well! Also, although bf is hard at first, it makes life so much easier after the first month or two. So remind them that you'll put up with a little inconvenience now for an easier time later!

As for the baby snatching. If they don't come often, let them have the baby (if they are good with babies. Luckily my parents are). My dad is a certified baby hog and proud of it. It would drive me crazy when she was a newborn cause he'd always be keeping her awake when she should be sleeping, or putting her to sleep when she was supposed to be awake. But, in the end, I just let him do what he wanted. They live 12 hrs away and don't get to see their grandkids much so I figure what's the harm for just a few days as long as it makes him happy. His shining moment was when I let him take her out for a stroller ride all by himself. She was only 2 weeks old at the time. He was in his glory. Took pictures of her in the stroller the whole time.

So, in the end, based on my PIA MIL, just try to stay calm. I've found that it works best if I try some of her not-so-bad suggestions to keep her at bay and that way we compromise.

Good luck!
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Old 12-08-2007, 10:35 PM   #14
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Re: MIL help

They live in TX and we are in WA. I don't mind if they hold her but at the same time I don't want her to think that she is going to be holding her at all times. I am hoping that she realizes that this is my baby and that I will be the primary caregiver ya know
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:17 PM   #15
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Re: MIL help

I've bf and ff, with both I still am the one who feeds my lo's most of the time. Let your mil hold the baby some, and then she shouldn't pitch a fit when you feed your lo. I know it doesn't seem like it to you but your lo will be like one of her own b/c it's her sons child, she will love it and want to take care of it too, Try to be patient with her and make sure your boundries are understood, but flexible if the need arrises. It's better to make friends with her, than to make an enemy. GL mama and I hope it goes better than expected!
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Old 12-09-2007, 01:20 AM   #16
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Re: MIL help

I wish you the best of luck!!!!
My MIL & FIL are both babysnatchers... they only live about 8 min away from us and were coming over ALL the time after DD was born. She'd start crying and i get up to walk around with her or feed her or whatever and she'd say "do you want me to take her" as if she'd be doing me a favor- heck NO- I want my baby! I'd just smile and say "thanks, but I think *this* is what she needs" I'd suggest practicing the *smile*, "no thanks or thanks, but..." routine. I used to run scenarios in my head of me getting so mad at MIL or FIL and telling em off (they have VERY opposite parenting views from me) I used to get myself so worked up about it- just try to stay calm about everything and know that YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOUR BABY- NOT HER! I hate that everyone seems to think that they know better than I do. I hog my dd to the extreme to this day! It' drives them crazy, and I DON'T let dd cry if I can help it, I always pick her up and I always hold her, and if she starts fussing and wants to be walked around, if they don't want to do it, I snatch her back quicker than quick... they've all gotten the message now, that she doesn't cry and if you don't try to do anything about it, they you don't get her anymore- problem solved, but I kept my foot down, took her when I thought she needed me or something different, and they're accepting that that's the way we do things. i've also learned that if my MIL makes a suggestion, to just smile and say, "thanks, i'll take that into consideration." cuz everytime i've tried to say "well, actually... bla bla bla" she argues me to the death. I got along GREAT with my MIL till we had Charlotte, we still get along good, she just drives me bonkers now. One thing they do that drives me nuts, is they don't ask if they can hold dd- they say "you wanna come to grandma/grandpa huh?" and then they try to grab her. This was the hardest thing for me... just hold on if she tries to take her. At the same time, I've found that if I hand her off a few times, regardless of how fast i take her back, they seem to be less grabby.
With the BFing- HOLD YOUR GROUND!!!!! Your doing what's best for your baby- sorry she was so ill informed when she had her los- lots of older women feel that way- DH's grandma kept saying I should be givign dd formula as a substance... like my milk wasn't good enough, but lots of women her age believed that they're milk wasn't enough for thier los also. You can find tons of info on mothering.com about why bfing is so important for your lo and you. just print it out and say that's why and you would really appreciate her support. there are plenty of things she can do to HELP out- (because for me, holding dd was NOT helping- it was nervracking)
Also, will your mother be around? My mom is awsome and i had her come around- she took care of everything for us in the first few weeks and maybe held dd a handful of times, cuz she also believed that I was the best person, not her... maybe either your mother is like that, or your dh can give you the support you need.
Your in for a tough haul- GOOD LUCK
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:43 AM   #17
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Re: MIL help

Well, my mil was the same way. With my 2nd dd their first grandchild and the first one I nursed she would constantly ask me when I was going to give her a bottle. That's all I ever heard. When are you going to give her a bottle? Why not just give her a bottle? We had to use an AFS the first 2 weeks after she was born because my nipples cracked and bled. She just thought that was crazy. So I went online and printed off info about the benefits of breastfeeding compared to formula feeding. Also the benefits to the mom. I also got my ped to send me some info and I gave it to her to read. It completely changed her attitude. She went from critical to proud of me for choosing to breastfeed. Cloth diapering has been a bigger fight. Everyone I know thinks I'm loony for choosing to CD.
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:17 AM   #18
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Re: MIL help

My grandma will be up before the in-laws and hopefully baby will be here too. I am trying to stay very calm and reasonable about it. DH knows my views and that I am NOT going to back down and he does NOT want me to get into it with his mother. Thank you so so much ladies!!! I think it's really funny my MIL is completely cool with me CD-ing but not B****** lol
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Old 12-10-2007, 01:01 PM   #19
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Re: MIL help

I have similar issues with my MIL and I think some of it stems from the fact that she chose not to breastfeed. It seems to me that her jabs at my breastfeeding are meant to make her feel better about her own parenting decisions.

On the plus side, my FIL is a PITA and he always "leaves the room" when I feed the baby to give me privacy. I have to admit, I am more inclined to feed frequesntly when I am around them.

I also loved my Moby Wrap because it very clearly established "my space" with the baby. Don't let the BS get to you. The bottom line is that you are the mama and you know what's best for your baby. PERIOD.

And may you survive the in-law infestation...at least that's what I call it...and surviving is success in my book!
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Old 12-10-2007, 02:00 PM   #20
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Re: MIL help

I have no real advice for you. Just wanted to share that my MIL pretty much gave me the same reaction when she found out I waned to BF. She said "Oh..." Like I was going to be giving her rat poison. THEN when she found out I wanted to CD, she said "Oh...why?" Um well, because I'm 30 years old and old enough to decide what I want to do with my children, that's why. I didn't CD DD1, but I did pump and give it to her in a bottle(she wouldn't latch correctly), MIL always asked if she could buy us formula. I just said "No thanks" and reminded her that I was BF. About the "baby snatching" my MIL has the opposite affect. She won't hold Keira or even ask to unless I pass Keira off to her. Then she'll go around saying how I "won't let her hold the baby". Anyway, I hope your holidays aren't totally crummy.
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Last edited by shastakat; 12-10-2007 at 02:07 PM. Reason: major typos
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