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Old 12-09-2007, 07:33 PM   #1
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Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

DD is crying in her crib right now. Please, no flames.

I haven't slept more than 1/2 hour at a time in the last 8 months. Tonight I had a mental breakdown that included me screaming at the top of my lungs, leaping out of a moving vehicle, and running down the street crying only to puke on my neighbor's lawn. Then I walked around the neighborhood for another 30 minutes crying -- in the freezing rain. It wasn't raining and cold out - it was freezing rain - I came in with ice on my jacket! Yes, I'm in a bad way right now.

I remember being forced to cry it out as a child and I hate those memories. I SWORE I would never do this. But I've come to realize that our other methods are not working. DD won't go to sleep on her own and we're investing 1+ hours each night to get her to sleep ... which lasts 20 minutes. So then I end up nursing her back down and then am tied to the bed for the rest of the night. And then she wakes up every 30-60 minutes.

Oh my I've created a monster.

I so wanted to be super-AP mom but I've totally lost my sanity. I'm a wreck during the day from lack of sleep and I snap at DD and my husband (or anyone for that matter) if they breathe the wrong air molecule.

I've tried the no cry sleep solution and it did nothing to help us. We had a major setback while doing it (darn rhino virus) but still, after a month of the exact same bedtime routine we were going BACKWARDS instead of forwards. We tweaked times and such but nothing helped. Throw in the crawling milestone and learning to pull up and it's just been one crappy month for sleep.

I'm at my wits end. As you can tell from the paragraph near the top I've surpassed mommy meltdown. I fear what might happen if I'm alone and I meltdown. I hate doing this to her. I hate having been in that position and I so don't want my daughter to hate me, but I can't keep going like this. A melt down Mommy isn't a good Mommy.

I've been reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child on and off since before DD was born. I swore I wouldn't let her cry. Besides, we ended up cosleeping (that was a surprise turn of events). So why would I need to teach DD to sleep on her own? Then we were getting her to sleep about 3 hours in her crib (with a wake up). We found FREEDOM in the evening to be real people! And that all has been lost ... now we get 15 minutes ... after investing an hour or more into getting her asleep.

UGH. I love my daughter to pieces; even when she spits up, poops on me, wakes me up 230948709437 times per night, pinches my nipple while nursing, uses my nose to pull up to standing -- but I'm losing my sanity.

I'm a teacher (on maternity leave) and I know all the child psychology stuff. I know that she's in the trust/mistrust stage and I so dearly do NOT want her to mistrust me. I want her to know that Mommy will be there when she needs to be comforted and I think that's part of the reason this is so hard for me. Add in the fact that I know how she's feeling right now and I'm a wreck. I think I was worse running down the street and puking though, so this is a slight improvement.

I feel like a bad mother.

Please, if you're just going to bash me for doing this please don't post. I feel bad enough as it is and I could really go without your telling me how terrible of a person I am. Although it would validate the crummy feeling I've got right now.

There are so many things I'm going to do differently with #2...

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Old 12-09-2007, 07:38 PM   #2
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Mama, I have no advice but I couldn't read and not give you a hug.

You are RIGHT, though, you need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of Haley. She needs you to be healthy and happy.

Hang in there. I really hope that some mamas have some great tips for you.

for Haley. She knows that you love her, mama. Take it one day, hour, minute at a time.
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:40 PM   #3
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

just wanted to give you huuuge im so sorry I have no advice as I coslept with david until he was 4 , he was the same waking up all the time but i was there next to him so ididnt go cuckoo. if i didnt cosleep iknow for sure id be posting something like that
is she still crying? has she stopped?
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:43 PM   #4
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

ive been there...and am there! i hate when i feel like i just need a break but dd1 did all the same things...and luckily dd2 is the most relaxed child in the world so all the things i wanted to change are working!!! dd1 is still hard to deal with but after a few months of just having me (dh and i split) she was doing great!!! no interruptions from anyone else having my attention 100% she really did make an improvement. most of the time we have a rule that does not change...(ok i give up after hearing dd1 cry that is probably the reasoning that she drives me nuts sometimes....cuz she know she will eventually get what she wants...dangit...i gotta remamber that!
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:45 PM   #5
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

I hope everything gets better, too. I don't have much advice unfortunately, but wanted to wish you well anyway. My dd is 6 months and sometimes the only way to get her to sleep is to let her cry alittle, too. It's hard, but it doesn't make you a bad mama.
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:47 PM   #6
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Your baby will just fine in her crib. If you are stressed she is better off in there. If parents would listen to the signs that they are about to break we wouldn't have as many children hurt as we do. Maybe talk to your Dr. and see if you have PPD sometimes it shows up late. My first DS didn't stop waking up every 3 hours until he was 9 months. I hope you can get some sleep soon.
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:49 PM   #7
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

who do you have that can help you? I can tell you from years of experience that it is much harder to deal with a child if you have not gotten to care for yourself- you need a break-be that taken a shower in peace, reading a book after kids are asleep-whatever- get someone to help you take care of yourself---{{{hugs}}} from a mama who's btdt and is doing now too!
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:49 PM   #8
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

mama, many many hugs to you. you poor thing.

i say that in this situation, you are doing the right thing. you have to take care of yourself as well as your daughter. good luck.
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:51 PM   #9
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

You must take care of yourself to take care of others.....you need to find a way to let go of the mommy guilt.....
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:55 PM   #10
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Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Hugs mama! I didn't want to do CIO with my DD either, but like you, I also was at my wits end. The first night was by far the worst--she screamed for 45 mintues, then fussed for another 15 or so. The next night she hardly screamed at all, just fussed around for 30 minutes or so. The third night--just 10 minutes of fussing and she was asleep. And she sleeps better all through the night, too.

I so didn't want to do it, but now, after just 4 nights of better sleep, I am already feeling like a much better mommy during the day. I know not everyone agrees, but it seemed to work for us. I too, worried about being there for her when she needed me, but as PP mentioned, when we're that upset, they're better off on their own. I had my own Mommy Meltdown that lead us here.

I hope she's stopped by now and that you can get some rest...again, more hugs!
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