Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-09-2007, 08:35 PM   #21
Rachaelbee's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: gone crazy back tomorrow
Posts: 2,584
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Oh mama! every mom has had a breakdown at one time or another, it goes with the territory so don't feel bad

if it's alright I'll share a bit of what I know. I stayed with my parents while dh was deployed and my mom was a big help with forcing me to be strong and to put the baby down lol. I didn't follow to the letter lol. But what I have learned is this... as baby wakes up for the millionth time in a half hour ok so she isn't that tired I guess, I changed her diaper she was a bit wet, and I'm letting her play on the floor for a few minutes while I finish this post, then I'll make a bottle(yes she's ff, long story not enough bm she wasn't growing ) and put her to bed, shortly after she falls to sleep.

Night time is sometimes harder to regulate, but getting a good nap time routine going is the first step, you can choose to either lay lo down right as they are ready to go to sleep but not sleeping yet or put them down right after they fall asleep, whatever you decide to do stick with it, and go for it, once you lay your lo down if they start crying rub their back, or head, or just sit there until they fall asleep, each time lessening the amount of contact you have with them. If you don't like that Idea just lay them down and they might cry for a couple of minutes but time it, and its not really that long, if it goes on for longer than 10-20 minutes go in and calm them down and lay them back down again. Basically you have to teach your lo to go to sleep on their own. Once nap time is achieved night time will be easier, for night time make sure their basic needs are met when they wake up and then if they aren't hungry or wet, calm them and lay them back down, until they get used to the idea.

If your lo doesn't have a lovey I would consider one, my older two have one, and my younger one hasn't attached to one yet...not that she has many choices though... okay that's what I have and my lo is getting tired now yea I am kinda a sucker once and a while but once she's out for the night she'll be out.

GL mama!!


Mama to K-5.5 D-4; B-27mand M- born on Oct 11 While Daddy was home on R&R! Married 7 years to DH (still deployed in support of OIF(it's been 14 months so far)
Rachaelbee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 08:43 PM   #22
sbolen's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,066
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Although we didn't intend to, we ended up using the Ferber method because we were in the same boat as you. I have no guilt over what I did and I do think it was what was best for her and me (I had the same sort of melt down from lack of sleep and DH had to leave work to make sure I didn't really go crazy). She's a much happier kid now that she's well rested.

Please don't be hard on yourself. I know everyone has different views on how to bring up children. But you really have to mess up big time (like hit them or verbally abuse them) to mess then up forever. I was allowed to CIO as a child and I got good grades, am confident, trusting, and all that stuff. You're kid will be fine. And he/she will wake up tomorrow still smiling.

Mom to Abigail (5/07) and Olive (10/09)
sbolen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 09:00 PM   #23
Jz_Doll's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 636
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

offering hugs to you Mama.
I second Andrea's experience, it was a solid hour the first night, an hour off and on the second night and 15 minutes the 3rd night. I didn't have the emotional strength to leave her alone though (but I wasn't yet at the end of my leash either) so I sat next to her, with my hand cuddling her cheek, and picked her up after the 1st half hour to soothe her, then put her back down when she started to get sleepy eyed.
I hope you feel better knowing we support you.

Rose-first time mom to Marissa 07/24/07
Jz_Doll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 09:21 PM   #24
jveprek's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,973
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Could it be teething pain? That throws my DS into a frenzy! Try Highlands and see if it helps. Also, maybe some solid foods would help extend the amount of sleeping time?
Shop at Please bookmark, share, and use Madi's link. She earns 4% back and the money goes for therapy items insurance won't cover!
Mom to Conner & Madilynn & wife to handsome DH David!
Read my blog about my Madi who has spina bifida & hydrocephalus
jveprek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 09:33 PM   #25
JustAugust's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 12,048
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

You are NOT a bad mom. You have to make sure YOU are okay as well, not just the baby. YOUR health and sanity are more important than her CIO one night. I know that is not the best choice, but if it has to be done one time, or a few times, then that's life. I've BTDT, only I still couldn't let him CIO. I had to either leave and let DH deal with it, or sleep while he dealt with it. But if I heard him screaming I couldn't ignore it. Darn mommy instinct made me more concerned about him even when I was about to lose it. I couldn't handle him, but couldn't handle CIO either. I honestly don't know how we made it through. He still doesn't sleep through the night, but it's better. You'll be in my prayers. The lack of sleep is absolutely the hardest "typical" thing about being a mom imo.
Tiffany, Mama to the incredible JM (3.25.06) , NC (7.28.10) and EH (9.23.13)
We don't vaccinate, we kept our sons intact, we use cloth diapers, we co-sleep, we extended RF, we breastfeed, but we watch too much tv and I totally dig plastic! Everyone has their issues, lol.
JustAugust is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 09:38 PM   #26
Irishmommy's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: south Texas
Posts: 2,544
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Mamma it sounds like you need some help! You sound over-tired, over-worked, over-everything! I could have written your post at one time. My son did not sleep through the night until he was 16 months old. He woke up 6-8 times a night after I went back to work and I almost lost my mind. I was not co-sleeping at the time, so I was getting up and sitting in my glider to nurse him every time, it was he_ _ . With my dd I swore I would not do the same, so I tried the bassinet, but she needed to feel snuggled in (she still does, she looks like she's in a little sleeping bag how she wraps herself up in her blanket). So, we co-slept with her. I got sleep, she got sleep, we were all happier (except for all those people who thought I shouldn't be co-sleeping). My mom even mentioned recently (now that I'm pregnant again), wouldn't it be better if I let the baby sleep in the bassinet or crib. I replied, "and get no sleep, not on your life". She never got up in the middle of the night, so she doesn't know what it is like to REALLY be sleep deprived (my dad always got up to feed us).
Don't beat yourself up over letting her cry a little. I let my dd cry a little when we transitioned her into her own room and she was fine after a few nights (at about 16 months). You need to do what is healthy for you too and not getting any sleep is REALLY taking its toll on you. I read the desparation in your op and I think you might need to chat with your doctor about ppd. I know you are long past sleep deprived, but maybe the doc will have suggestions that might help you deal. The other thing I can say is that EVENTUALLY she will learn to sleep on her own, or at least to leave you alone when she wakes. We now tell my son (at 6.5) that if he wakes us or little sister for no reason then he's in BIG trouble (other than nightmare/room on fire, etc.). He can get up to potty and get a drink by himself. He knows now. But, boy those first couple of years were ROUGH!

HUGS MAMMA!!! I hope things get better for you.
Shannon - Loving wife to my Navy man
Mommy to Noah 6.5, Caitlyn 2.5, and Aiden 2-28-08
and my two angels CL, and Emily JoAn b/d 5-14-2004
*****No longer anxiously awaiting Aiden - He's HERE!!****
Irishmommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 10:12 PM   #27
hayblair78's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 26
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

oh sweetie, I totally know how you feel, just hang in there. Get someone to watch the babe for a while so you can go for a walk or just sit outside and get some fresh air. If that's not possible, take a quick shower. Your little one will be okay in her crib, even if she is screaming her head off.

My ds was a nightmare at night (and hardly took naps either). I tried to ferberize him at 6 months, and that did NOT work. Stuck with it for two weeks, and his crying never decreased in length or intensity! I spent SO many nights in the rocking chair in his room, half asleep, with his little mouth firmly clenched around my nipple. I would SLOWLY get up to put him in his bed, ever so gingerly lean over, only to have him start to scream the second I started to release him. He would be awake again!!!!! ARGH! Yeah, I thought I would lose my mind. In the end, me and my marriage survived the struggle

When he was around a year old, I started signing with him. At 13 months, one night he gave me the sign for bed, and I put him to bed, and for the FIRST time, he slept through the night, and has been doing so ever since.

Also, turns out he was really allergic to lots of foods I was eating, and I believe that had alot to do with his sleeping and general fussiness.

ALSO, I definitely believe I had some post partum depression going on back then, ds was seriously picking up on my frustration. I WISH I had sought out some help when he was little...

So for tonight, you may have a little spitfire crying and howling away, but don't worry, you are NOT a bad momma, you are a good momma, you have found a support system here. Go to her in a while when you feel a little calmer. It is not Your fault she is crying. It is not Her fault you feel this way. Everything will be okay
hayblair78 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 10:45 PM   #28
BearBumsBoutique's Avatar
Registered Users
Formerly: johnson_mommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 717
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

Ok, so I have a few things to say. First, I don't know the proper terms for any types of sleep trials, so if I repeat something you've tried, I'm sorry!

I am a chld psychologist/teacher myself, so I completely understand your mental anguish in not wanting to mess them up, but let me assure you that if you are not well (mentally) then nothing you can do will help them - they sense that & will know mommy is upset, which is just as unnerving for them. Also, the trust/mistrust thing repeats itself later in toddler years, so you have another (more memorable) chance to maintain trust. By letting them CIO you are not abandoning them. You are allowing them to express frustration. Think of a time (now?!) when you were so frustrated & you had a good & trusted friend just lend you a shoulder to cry on. That trust you have if your friend makes it that much easier & nicer to just let it all out & have a good cry. Babies do the same thing. You are their trusted friend. When you start looking at it as someone who just needs a good hug & a shoulder to cry on, instead of "oh not again, please shut up!" it will help your mental outlook on the whole thing & help you stay calm, in turn helping them calm down. As long as you are there (dont leave them alone to CIO for long) they still feel the comfort in knowing they aren't alone, but are able to release that stress built up from the day.

Next, I just did a sleep clinic & what is suggested with babies who are going through this is:
1)Start watching for sleepy signs. When they get sleepy, change them, get pjs on, and feed them a bottle. Then do a quiet activity (watch tv, read books, quiet play time, or cuddle) until they are sleepy, but still slightly awake. (Very important they are actually getting tired, or they will outlast you in crying!)
2) Put baby down in crib, gently, but stay close to them for a moment if possible (harder if the crib is lowered!). If you cant stay in a partial hug, then just put your hand firmly on their tummy. If needed, rock gently, but firmly, back & forth to quiet them, but reassure them you are there. Give them time to understand they are in bed. Tuck them in, and say goodnight. Then LEAVE. (even if they are still screaming - as long as all their physical needs are met (hunger, warmth, no tight clothing, etc).
3) Leave them for a period of time**. After the allotted time, go in, return them to a lying down position (if standing). Replace pacifier, or lovey, or whatever, say goodnight again & leave. continue until they fall asleep - they WILL eventually.
** (1)First night, go in after 3mins, then 5, 7, 10, 12, 15, (etc, increasing each time by another 2-3 mins up to 30 mins total).
(2)Second night, don't go in the first time till 5mins, then 7, 10, ...
(3)Third, increase it to every 5 mins, starting at 7mins.
(4)Then start at 10 mins, and every 8
(5)Start at 12, and every 10
(6)Start at 15, and every 15
(7)20, then every 20
(8)30, then every 30.

Dont let them CIO longer than 30 mins alone. Set a clock & STICK TO IT! It will be easier when you know yourself "only X more mins" chances are you wont have to get to 30 mins. Some babies do, but many understand it is time for bed using this method. Under NO circumstances (other than emergencies) pick up your baby! This is not play time & if you pick them up, they will learn that it eventually will happen everytime & they will just continue crying till you pick them up each night. If you go in, put them back down, say good night & leave, it assures them that you are still there (which is their biggest concern at that age) but also reinforces that it is bedtime & not playtime.

Also, it seems counterintuitive, but if they aren't napping, they won't sleep well. Refrain from trying to keep your baby up when they are tired during the day (even if bedtime is in an hour - just go to bed early). The more tired they are, the harder it is for them to calm themselves to sleep.

I hope that helps a bit mama. I know it was long, but hopefully it will help reassure you & help get your LO to sleep for you! Just remember they need you, but you need to help yourself!

It will get better!
Amanda, Wife to Ryan 31/07/05 , Alexander 30/07/07 & Faith 15/05/09
BearBums Boutique: Handmade baby items for your little bear cub!
I sell Lifetime Guaranteed, Developmental, Educational Toys! PM me for more!
BearBumsBoutique is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 10:57 PM   #29
clarinetb's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Canada!
Posts: 3,806
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)


We have sleep issues here too (10 months, so similar phases!) and we've had times almost as bad as what you're describing. I have no solutions, no ideas you haven't already heard.

I do however know that whatever you need to do to avoid 'mommy-meltdown' is the BEST thing you can do for your daughter. She needs you first and foremost to be together. I've gotten sooo frustrated a few times at getting my daughter to sleep that I've left her in the crib after she starts to yell. I have never left her long, so can't say I know the full extent of what you're feeling, but it breaks my heart to hear, but sometimes you feel like if you go straight in you're going to flip-out. That would be worse than not going in, in my opinion.

I wish you sanity and good sleep. ooh, sleep, doesn't that word just sound fantastic?!?
Lauren - Mama to our little poppet (21-01-07) and new cutie pie (23-08-11)!
clarinetb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-10-2007, 02:32 AM   #30
baby1577's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 3,091
My Mood:
Re: Am I doing the right thing? (long, controversial)

to you mama!!
I am living the dream selling Plexus! Message me for info about a line of products that can help your family achieve overall wellness. Free shipping for all my DS mamas! Join my team today and find financial freedom! I have!
baby1577 is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.