Pregnancy Loss Thread...

[heluvsme]

When I was 20 I lost my second dd in the 36th week of my pregnancy. The umbilical cord had gotten wrapped around her neck 3 times and she died in utero. I had to carry her for 2 days knowing she was gone. Then they induced labor, and it was the most awful experience, going through a full blown labor and delivery with no reward in the end but to say goodbye. I'm so thankful I know she (and my other baby) are with the Lord and I will see her again someday! It took 2 years before I finally conceived again after that, but much later I found out that I had thyroid disease, and I'm almost sure that is why. If you're having trouble getting pg, I'd definitely ask your doc to check your thyroid levels, as it is common!

On the other end of the spectrum, my 4th pregnancy ended in a very early m/c at 8.5 weeks. Still very traumatic, but in a different way. I healed much faster emotionally from that one. I only had one cycle after that before I conceived again and Hope was born. I know a lot of docs will tell you to wait at least 3 months to ttc again, but follow your heart...I knew God was telling me I'd be pg again within 2 months and I certainly was!

to all of you!

[Mommyof2Princesses]

My first pregnancy with dd was unplanned but perfect. So when it came time to get pregnant again I thought nothing could go wrong. At 20 weeks I found out my baby Ethan had a NTD, anencephaly. I continued my pregnany until the 37th week, cherishing every time he kicked and moved knowing that those would be my memories of him. We had 3-d ultrasounds done and marveled at his little expressions in utero. He was amazing. At 37 weeks I had a c-section (supposedly less traumatic, with the best chance of seeing him alive). I met my little boy and he cried and was loved for almost 2 hours before he left us. He would've been 2 years old this past March. I took tons of folic acid and became pregnant 2 more times both ended in miscarriage the first at 11 weeks and again at 8weeks. My fifth pregnancy was a keeper. Isabella was just fine. But I still ache. Each day she grows I'm reminded of what I lost. You never truley get over it.
Good luck to all of you.

[TandEMommy]

Oh Wow. I am crying reading all of these....

Both of my losses have been "losses with a purpose" if that makes sense. At least that's how I see it now....

At an EARLY ultrasound during my first pg (about 6 weeks), I found out I was expecting twins, but that only one had a heartbeat. 4 weeks later, the only embryo left was the viable one...it's known as vanishing twin syndrome. It's sort of common, but rarely caught, unless you have an early u/s. Part of me wishes I didn't know about his twin, the other part makes me glad to know he has an "angel" looking over him and that I had a loss with a positive outcome.

My second pg ended in a "missed miscarriage" at 8 weeks. Well, the baby never made it past 5.5 weeks, but I didn't know it until 8. I had a D&C 5 days after the ultrasound since it was clear my body wasn't going to take care of it on it's own. My ds and that child would have been 17 months apart, which in retrospect would have been very tough on our family. I am grateful that his/her loss was early, and that we were able to follow it up with a healthy baby a year later (almost the same due date).

I've known a few people with late first trimester losses, but not beyond that. I can't imagine what it would be like losing a baby so late in pg.... HUGE hugs and prayers to every mama with a loss, but especially those you held in your arms. I don't know how I'd handle that....

[toryandrew]

I lost my son Aidan on 06/25/04 of a fatal form of Trisomy 21. We found out at the 19 week ultrasound that something was very wrong. Then for over a week watched him struggle to survive. It was not to be. I think of him every day and while I've gone on to have a healthy baby since then I feel I will always be the mother of three boys not just the two that are with me. Losing Aidan changed me completely and I'll never be the person I was before. I was not arrogant before, I knew life was very fragile but now I know that everything can fall apart in an instant. I love my lost son very much and miss him tremendously.

[MamaJenn]

Originally Posted by Manna00 We lost our first child at 11.5 weeks at our first ultrasound (8/05)--they could not find a heartbeat and our "Bean" was measuring at 10.5 weeks old. I had no pain whatsoever, nor any other signs of a miscarriage. I've always felt this was God's tender mercy on me. We found all of this out on a Monday, Wednesday was more bloodwork and another U/S to look for a heartbeat--by Friday I was in surgery having a D&C (my mother endured 2 of these.. she calls them a "Dust and Clean".. I suppose we find humor in all things...). It was all very tramatic--we'd been trying to concieve for 2 years; my husband had to have surgery to remove a vericose vien that was stopping the flow of sperm on the left side of "his boys." As tramatic was it was, the day that we found out that we had lost Bean we prayed together as a family (my husband and I) and we recieved a very clear messege that this suffering would be short. I was so terrified of having to wait another 2+ years to even have another chance. We waited a month for my cycle to return and got pregnant again in 10/05--expecting dear son July '06. This pregnancy has been very easy so far (I'm currently almost 32 weeks along).

Amanda I felt alot of comfort reading this..thank you

[MamaJenn]

Gosh its so great and bittersweet to read what other mamas have gone through to know Im/WE are not alone.

I just want to say when Im ready Ill post my story but for now hugs to all of you...

[iris0110]

to all of the mom's who have posted their stories here.

I got pregnant the first time by suprise. That pregnancy went beautifully minus a bump at the end with pre-e. My son was born healthy and happy. So when I found out shortly after his second birthday that I was again pregnant I was a bit shocked, but I figured we could do it. The first 22 weeks went by perfectly. I had some morning sickness which led me to the conclusion that we were having a girl and my suspicion was confirmed at the 20 wk ultrasound. There was a bit of concern when the tech couldn't find her bladder or kidneys, but we were assured that this was not uncommon if the baby had recently urinated. We were set up for a more indepth ultrasound with a perinatalogist for a few weeks later but left with the feeling that all was well. We never made it to the appt. Just past 22wks I got sick. I thought I had caught the flu from some kids I had been babysitting, but over the course of the day it got worse. My temperature spiked to 103 and I couldn't feel my daughter moving. I called the midwifes office, but no one returned my call. By early the next morning I was even worse. I couldn't get my fever to come down with tylenol and I was panicky about not feeling any movement. I finally got ahold of the on call midwife and was told to head to the L&D floor. After several hours of first tracking a heartbeat that turned out to be mine, and then a run arround because the midwife didn't want to come to the hospital I was told that my daughter had died and I needed an emergency induction or I might die as well. 2.5 hrs later I delivered my baby girl. She weighed 1lb 3 ozs and was perfect in every way. There was nothing wrong with her. I had developed an infection called Chorioamnionitis, and it had killed my baby. I was too weak to get out of bed, but we kept her with us for 4 hrs. We took pictures and cried. I arranged her funeral from the hospital bed. I nearly died that night, but they finally managed to get my fever back down. The infection had moved into my blood and it took several days for me to be released from the hospital.

Arawyn's funeral was on Christmas eve. We had her cremated and her ashes are on the mantle in a little urn. When I die I want her ashes to be mixed with mine. She only ever lived inside my body, and I feel like that is where she should return.

I wound up needing a D&C several months later to remove a piece of retained placenta. After that we started TTCing. It took 11 months but we finally became pregnant with our second son. His pregnancy was so hard. I was constantly afraid that I would lose him. But early in the morning on December 1st he was born healthy and weighing in at 8lbs 9ozs. His placenta had grown over the scar from my D&C and I almost bled out when it tore after his delivery. I feel so blessed every day to have him in my life. He and his brother are my reason for still being here. But it was my daughter that made me strong.

[MyLil'Mountaineers]

to all of you!!!

My first ds was a wonderful surprise. The pregnancy was a dream (except for GD). I ended up needing a CS because I couldn't deliver him.
We decided to TTC after his 2nd birthday and got pg in July (it took us 7 months). From the beginning, I knew something wasn't right. I didn't get a +pt until I was 19 DPO. I wasn't sick and I just didn't feel pg. I had been spotting and my OB thought that it could be an infection because my blood work was fine. I went for an u/s around 5-6 weeks and was assured that everything was ok and it was just too early to see anything well. On Labor day, Sept 6, 2004, I began bleeding very heavily. Luckily, we were at my aunt's and one of her L&D nurse friends was there. I was 10 weeks and 2 days along. I had a very painful (both physically and emotionally) natural miscarriage.
Four months later, we became pg with my 2nd ds. It wasn't an easy pg for many reasons. I developed GD again and I had some spotting. I never really relaxed with his pregnancy. I also had a very difficult delivery (another CS).
I thank God everyday for my children. I don't really understand why I lost Jordan but his short stay meant alot to so many people.

Amanda

[nothing_butt_cloth]

I am not sure where to post this so I guess here is the best spot.

let me start off with TODAY SUCKS. I dont think there is a diaper out htere that can make me feel any better. I have this FEAR, i mean huge fear that I will finally birth my baby on mothers day. As this is approaching, i am very anxious. If it wwerent for mothers day I would be fine i think. But now I want to run for the hills.

It seems no one in my family cares but 2 ppl. I havent even tlaked to my mom on over a week. She jsut doenst want to talkl to me. This hurts so bad. She is a hospice nurse and her job is to comfort families who are going thru the grief period. But I am her daughter and she wont even call. For all she know I could have had the baby adn had the burial by now. I called her yesterday and she never called me back. What if i NEEDED her? My dad doesnt care, he sent me a one line email with no feeing at all. just sorry I hoped this would have worked out. No love dad, no call if yo uneed anything. NOTHING. This plain sucks.

I have great friends irl, and everyone online has been wonderfully supportive. I am am so grateful for that. I dont knwo what i would do without veryone here.

What is really getting me right now is I would be 20 weeks on sunday. So much happens at 20 weeks. All of a sudden in AZ at 20 weeks your baby matters. you get a birth certificate resluting in fetal death. Not a fetal death certificate. ( thanks to joanne caccitore of MISS foundation) You are not looked up on as wierd for burying you MC baby, but you have true sympathy for your still born baby. For some reason ppl think that the difference of a couple weeks makes a baby worth it. or real. So I dont know, is the baby considered stillborn if I carry to 20 weeks even though baby 2-3 weeks ago. Probably not. but I feel lik ei t should be becaseu I want my baby to matter to others. I feel like i am not allowed to grieve for the loss of htis lil one becaseu " it is only a miscarriage" I dont want to hear this is Gods will, that my baby is working in Gods Garden. It only makes me think that My baby is dead for slave labor. i am not ready to deal with the whys, I want to figure out HOW. How do I deal with burying yet another child. how do i explain this to my kids. And HOW on Earth am i supposed to want to ever get close to another baby, when there is a 50/50 chance i will put them in the ground too. ( going off of i have 3 living and 3 not)

I am sorry this is a long vent. i just dont know where to post it, so if you read this far, thank you,
Today jsut sucks... maybe this is finally hitting me that I will never hear my baby cry, or put my baby to my breast to eat...

[MamaJenn]

Originally Posted by nothing_butt_cloth I am not sure where to post this so I guess here is the best spot. let me start off with TODAY SUCKS. I dont think there is a diaper out htere that can make me feel any better. I have this FEAR, i mean huge fear that I will finally birth my baby on mothers day. As this is approaching, i am very anxious. If it wwerent for mothers day I would be fine i think. But now I want to run for the hills. It seems no one in my family cares but 2 ppl. I havent even tlaked to my mom on over a week. She jsut doenst want to talkl to me. This hurts so bad. She is a hospice nurse and her job is to comfort families who are going thru the grief period. But I am her daughter and she wont even call. For all she know I could have had the baby adn had the burial by now. I called her yesterday and she never called me back. What if i NEEDED her? My dad doesnt care, he sent me a one line email with no feeing at all. just sorry I hoped this would have worked out. No love dad, no call if yo uneed anything. NOTHING. This plain sucks. I have great friends irl, and everyone online has been wonderfully supportive. I am am so grateful for that. I dont knwo what i would do without veryone here. What is really getting me right now is I would be 20 weeks on sunday. So much happens at 20 weeks. All of a sudden in AZ at 20 weeks your baby matters. you get a birth certificate resluting in fetal death. Not a fetal death certificate. ( thanks to joanne caccitore of MISS foundation) You are not looked up on as wierd for burying you MC baby, but you have true sympathy for your still born baby. For some reason ppl think that the difference of a couple weeks makes a baby worth it. or real. So I dont know, is the baby considered stillborn if I carry to 20 weeks even though baby 2-3 weeks ago. Probably not. but I feel lik ei t should be becaseu I want my baby to matter to others. I feel like i am not allowed to grieve for the loss of htis lil one becaseu " it is only a miscarriage" I dont want to hear this is Gods will, that my baby is working in Gods Garden. It only makes me think that My baby is dead for slave labor. i am not ready to deal with the whys, I want to figure out HOW. How do I deal with burying yet another child. how do i explain this to my kids. And HOW on Earth am i supposed to want to ever get close to another baby, when there is a 50/50 chance i will put them in the ground too. ( going off of i have 3 living and 3 not) I am sorry this is a long vent. i just dont know where to post it, so if you read this far, thank you, Today jsut sucks... maybe this is finally hitting me that I will never hear my baby cry, or put my baby to my breast to eat...

Im here for you if you need me mama..hang in there. Im praying hard..this just totally sucks