Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-13-2006, 09:07 PM   #1
Julesmom23girls
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,017
My Mood:
Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

Today we were at the beach/park playing and there was a little girl who I assume was autistic, but I might be wrong. She wanted to play w/ my DD who is 4 but she had a hard time communicating her desire. She was she was obviously speach delayed and she was rather confrontational,ie she would clap in my DD face and kind of yell. Now that I say this I don't think that is how autistic children behave, so excuse me I am not very familiar w/ special needs children. Anyway, my question is how can I help my DD be sensitive to the needs of special needs children. I have never faced a situation like this before. I tried to encourage my DD to play w/ this girl we brought sand toys and I encouraged her to share them as well as play on the equipment w/ her. This little girl was a bit over bearing for my DD and I think it was overwhelming, but I want to encourage her to interact. Does that make sense? I want her to understand that just because this little girl was different it doesn't mean she wouldn't like for other kids to play with her. I want my Dd to be sensitive to the feelings of others. thanks for any suggestions you might have.

This little girl seemed very sweet, she wanted to see my youngest DD who is only one. I think her parents were afraid she would scare the baby, but she just wanted to be friendly.

Advertisement

Julesmom23girls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2006, 10:19 PM   #2
Menfusse's Avatar
Menfusse
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,835
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

It is possible that she was autistic. Autism can take many forms, 1 being simply socially awkward and not reading other social cues well. I think you did the right thing, explaining that she was different but still wanted to be played with. I always say, when my DD notices something, that everybody is different. Some kids have black hair, some blonde, some walk and some need wheels to get around. The world would be very boring if everyone were the same. Things like that. I try not to highlight the specific difference in a child, only that all kids are different in one way or another. Encouraging her to play was geat as well, just don't force. It will only serve to point out thed differences and foster resentment and misunderstanding. Just wanting her to be sensitive to diff.s will help her very much. You are on the right track!
__________________
Melissa
Mommy to: Mrs. Finicky Fussabunch 11-29-05;The little Adult 9-25-01
Menfusse is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2006, 10:22 PM   #3
LittleHobbitsMomma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 311
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

I am on the other side of the fence -with two special needs and one autistic child. I think you did great. I wonder if the child you met was deaf or hard of hearing and that's why she yelled and clapped? Just being gentle, receptive, patient, and kind is what I teach my kids. My autistic daughter runs in fear of other children, and we recently met a little girl that thought that meant my DD required a friend, and she was it! It was very sweet to see this little girl try and engage my dd by talking, sharing, following; her efforts while fruitless were greatly appreciated by me, and my dd remembered her after we left. I really think everything you said and did was perfect!!! I wish there were more moms like you!!
__________________
Susan
Proud Fiance and Blessed Momma to DD & DD 11 years, DD 9 years, DS 8 year, and DS EDD 1/24/2013
LittleHobbitsMomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2006, 11:03 PM   #4
janelyb's Avatar
janelyb
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 318
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

I agree you did the right thing. And I too wish there were more caring people like you in the world. I also wonder if the girl was deaf or HOH, but that's just the ASL experience I have in me...I would have turned it into a parent info time too...Like I would have introduced myself to the mom/parents and said,"I noticed your child had a difficult time with telling my son what she wanted when they were playing. You know my child has developmental and speech delays(example). Do you use sign language with her?? Blah blah..." you get the drift......Who knows you may have made a new friend and let her know she's not alone.

Also as a mom to a special needs child I often feel like I have a 6th sense. Us mammas who have special needs kids need to stick together and help eachother through the rough times.

Take care,
Janel
__________________
Janel, mamma to: Tyler (6/03) and Isabella (6/95),ttc #3
janelyb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2006, 11:20 PM   #5
Julesmom23girls
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,017
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleHobbitsMomma
I am on the other side of the fence -with two special needs and one autistic child. I think you did great. I wonder if the child you met was deaf or hard of hearing and that's why she yelled and clapped? Just being gentle, receptive, patient, and kind is what I teach my kids. My autistic daughter runs in fear of other children, and we recently met a little girl that thought that meant my DD required a friend, and she was it! It was very sweet to see this little girl try and engage my dd by talking, sharing, following; her efforts while fruitless were greatly appreciated by me, and my dd remembered her after we left. I really think everything you said and did was perfect!!! I wish there were more moms like you!!
I don't think this girl was hard of hearing, she responded to us and her parents. I just felt bad that my Dd was overwhelmed, but she was polite. I just want to make sure I am teaching her how to be tolerant of people who are different. I didn't even tell her there was something wrong with this little girls (but I am sure she sensed it), I just told her that maybe she would like to play. I feel very strong about not being prejudice against other, so I want to teach her the right way. And I want to do it in a way that won't seem offensive, that is why I am asking your opinions. Thanks for the complements, DH and I try very hard to be understanding of others and I hope I do a good job teaching my children to be that way.
Julesmom23girls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-2006, 11:26 PM   #6
Julesmom23girls
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,017
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

Quote:
Originally Posted by janelyb
I also wonder if the girl was deaf or HOH, but that's just the ASL experience I have in me...I would have turned it into a parent info time too...Like I would have introduced myself to the mom/parents and said,"I noticed your child had a difficult time with telling my son what she wanted when they were playing.
Looking back I wish I would spoke more with the parents. I did speak w/ the father breifly when his daughter wanted to see the baby, but he was trying to protect the baby, he said she can get a little rough. I told him that she was fine and hadn't done anything wrong. I should have taken a moment to speak w/ them, but I didn't. I felt a little akward, and didn't want to seem intrusive. I was telling my friend about this on the phone and she told me that most likely they wouldn't have found it rude but nice to know that I want to better educate myself. I will know better next time.
Julesmom23girls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2006, 07:11 AM   #7
geckoed's Avatar
geckoed
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,301
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

as far as talking to the parents, one thing to be aware of is denial. Parents of very clearly affected children can still live in denial for years, believing their child is "eccentric" or "enthusiastic" or "boisterous" etc. At a Drs office I met a boy who, to me, was clearly autistic. The mom was tired and overwhelmed. Her daughter was clingy and needy and sick and her little boy was agressive and loud and bothering all the children in the play area. She called to him but of course he didn't react. I was there with my 1.5 yr old and my 2.5 yr old who was recently diagnosed with autism. I built a tower for him to knock down, keeping him from hurting the other kids while allowing him to "crash" something since he clearly had a passion for crashing into people and things. After a while the mother and daughter came over to play too. My son made a screechy noise and I said to the mom "he doesn't mean to hurt our ears, he has autism" and she said "they keep trying to tell me my kid is autistic too. I guess we're going to get a referral soon and have him checked out" This boy was 7 or 8, had no meaningful speech, had all the classic mannerisms, I felt bad that she was still struggling to accept his need for special assistance. So I think its important to bring up special needs, without asking outright (besides that SO many people when asking will say "what's wrong with him?" which is always hurtful).
We read books showing different cultures, and differing abilities. We tell our kids our differences make us special. There are different skin colors, eye colors, and hair colors. There are kids without hair. There are different sizes and shapes of people, all of which are beatiful. We look in magazines and will comment on how a persons glasses bring out the highlights in their hair or accentuate the cheekbones. We'll mention how soft and comfy the plus-size models lap looks, we'll talk about the shades of skin. Many ads in the sunday paper now make a point of including people with visible differences, leg braces, wheelchairs, white canes, downs syndrome, visible hearing aides etc. We talk about them, I explain what the braces are for for example. My kids know that every person is a unique blend of strenghts and weaknesses in a perfect balanced blend. We met an old man at the park. His wife was sitting beside his wheelchair. His body was twisted and useless, his head was at an unusual angle. His eyes stared and he drooled a lot. His wife (I think it was a wife?) gently wiped the drool every few minutes. My son said "with a body like that he must have the BEST spirit ever!" I felt like a pretty good mom with a really great kid just then.
I think you're doing a fine job. Its OK too, to say to your child "you look a little overwhelmed, do you need a break now?" or to help with the play. In the Drs office I was quickly able to get my son to build the towers, which he likes to do, and guide the other boy to knock them down- which he really enjoyed. Try to find simple games and have your child do her favorite part while you encourage the other child to finish it. Maybe your child likes to dig in the sand and the other child can bring buckets of water to pour in. Maybe your kid likes to find shells and the other kid can build sand castles to be decorated with the shells. At a park swings are great, you just push both kids while they make happy sounds.
__________________
Kim, mom of 5
geckoed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2006, 07:17 AM   #8
Mindi's Avatar
Mindi
Its a Mindi thing... you wouldn't understand
sitesupporter
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: With my love
Posts: 13,299
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

I think you did great Jules. My oldest ds is on the austism spectrum and my middle ds is showing signs as well. As a mom I would have been very pleased to see that someone was making such an effort to play with my child. Some autistic/special needs children are more difficult to play with only b/c some don't understand how to play. You're daughter will appreciate that you have her play with all types of children and will learn to like everyone the same. You did great mamma! I only wish there were more people out there like you.
__________________
Mindi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2006, 08:12 AM   #9
Julesmom23girls
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,017
My Mood:
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

Quote:
His wife was sitting beside his wheelchair. His body was twisted and useless, his head was at an unusual angle. His eyes stared and he drooled a lot. His wife (I think it was a wife?) gently wiped the drool every few minutes. My son said "with a body like that he must have the BEST spirit ever!" I felt like a pretty good mom with a really great kid just then.
What a sweet thing for your son to say.
Julesmom23girls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2006, 08:17 AM   #10
Okiemunchkinsmom
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 118
Re: Question for Parents of Autistic/special needs children

I too think you did great. I have 2 special needs kids, and I so appreciate when other kid's include them. I do have to say though, that there is nothing wrong with not talking to the parents any further than what you did. I think if they had wanted to say something they probably would have. I don't mind educating people about my children's differences at all, but sometimes it's nice just to watch them play with other children without explaining.

We are on both sides of this fence. My first 3 children are not special needs, but they go with us to therapies, doctors, etc. So several days a week they are around other children (besides their brothers) with special needs. They do really good playing with them, but some children can be pretty rough. Our rule is that they have to be kind and considerate, but if they are getting hurt they don't have to play. I know I would hate for a parent to force their child to play with mine just because they are different, when that child realllllly doesn't want to.

Anyway, you did great, and so did your dd
Okiemunchkinsmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.