Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-02-2008, 07:47 AM   #1
Mom2BabiesA&I's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Vermont
Posts: 8,525
My Mood:
Red face How do you know you are done?

With kiddos?

Not sure if this is the right place for this or not so if it needs to be moved thats fine...

I have always wanted 2 kids, for as long as I can remember. I am on #2 now. We are thinking about BC for after this kiddo is born and there just aren't any options that are open (I can't do hormones, IUD is not only freaky but it *hurt* when I tried after DS....etc etc). Pretty much all thats left thats even close to reliable is the big V for DF or a tubal for me....The tubal for me is just too sketchy as far as I am concerned. The risk of ectopic etc...I just dont like it.

So that leaves the V for the problem, well I guess there are two..

1. DF and I are still "young" and I am not sure a Dr would even do that for him/ us (I am 23, he is 27)

2. How can I be *sure* we are done?

Right now the thought of peeing on another stick and seeing a positive is one of the scariest ideas. I would cry and cry and cry...and not out of joy. So I don't really know what to do...does anyone have insight? I am sure at the next midwife appointment they are going to ask me what we are thinking about for BC after babe...and I just don't know what to tell them....


Mama to Mr. A June 2006, Miss I May 2008
All done with cloth Both my little ones use the potty now
Mom2BabiesA&I is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 07:59 AM   #2
GrowingUpMad's Avatar
If everyone was the same the world would be a VERY boring place.
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,714
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

I do't know that answer for certain. I think I will just know and feel like my family is complete.

When we met I had a ds who was only 1. We were content with our son and we were a happy family. Both had careers and we could still be spontanious. SURPRISE when 7 1/2 years after my son was born our dd arrived. That changed it all for us. He said he was done and wanted a vasectomy. I thought I was too but a "V" was so permanent and he knows I'd never do a tubal. I got on bc which turned out to be a bad idea (different post all together) and 2 years later we were trying for #3, 6 months pregnant we were talking #4. Now I am 17 weeks along wit #4 and he said a vasectomy can wait. So apparently he doesn't feel done either.

What started off one way has totally changed. It's amazing how your views and thoughts change as you get older. The thought of baby #2 was not even there. The thought of baby #3 when I was pregnant with #2 would've made me vommit. Over time though the tug at my heart (and overies) changed my mind.

I say avoid a vasectomy for a few years until you are certain. Things change, views change, circumstances change. If bc is not your thing do NFP, chart and all that fun stuff to avoid pregnancy. A vasectomy is supposed to be a permanent thing that I believe shoudn't be decided at any "extreme" state in your life (meaning pregnancy hormones, fighting, ect).

Just my opinion.
Dawn, proud mama to Finn (11/23/10), Sully (2), Lilly J (4) Madison (8) and Alex (15). Head over heels in love with my hubby Jim
GrowingUpMad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 08:06 AM   #3
mamaof10's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: MI
Posts: 7,803
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

I said I was going to be done at 6....DH said we were done at 6....thenw e had an OOPS and we have Konner....Once Konner was born I said there was no way I could be done and DH agreed....we agreed to not really try but not prevent either and just see what was in store for us. Well Konner is almost 7 mos old and I just got a BFP last week so we are on #8 now

DH said are we done now and I said I dont know are we he said I dont know so we dont know yet either!
Amanda- WIDOWED mama of 10 RIP Kevin 2/10/73 - 2/18/09 hug your dh, you never know
SAHM of Arianna (13), James (12), Kristopher (11), Alexandria (8), Abbigale (7), Ayden (5), Konner (4),
Kady a breech vaginal delivery- 9-26-08!!
AND Karlee (21 mos), AND Jessika Dawn 7-6-11!
mamaof10 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 09:16 AM   #4
JeanieNGmommy's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Schriever, La
Posts: 1,312
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

when we had our second we said it was our last but once we found out it was a girl i kinda just knew it wasnt our last dh wanted a son so bad. then we talked and decided 3 kids no matter what was perfect for us even if it was another girl. turns out baby is a boy so we have 2 girls and a boy and we are excited. i spoke with my dr and will be getting my tubes tied after he is born. i myself am young im only 21 but this is perfect for our family. dh has also been talking about getting a vasectomy as well but i dont think he will go threw with it haha
Jeanie Wife to Michael SAHM To Natalie12.4.05 Genevieve 3.9.07 Michael Jr. 4.17.08
JeanieNGmommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 09:52 AM   #5
Miles's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: upstate ny
Posts: 6,302
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

I will try to help you because we are kinda there now. We are pg with number 2, I would LOVE 3 kids but DH doesnt know. We first figured I would get fixed but then DH and I were talking. If there is that slight chance of him changing his mind since I am only 24 and he is 26 then its best to NOT get something like that done. So to me, if you have a chance at all that you may change your mind DONT get it done. Use condoms diaphram anything like that. Its best that you know for sure and are not asking yourself if your done or not.
Magan for 11 yrs(11-18-00), SAHM to three girls(Cheyenne, Dakota and Marissa) Enjoying being a non co sleeping, baby wearing, Vaccinating, mama!
Miles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 09:55 AM   #6
rawheid's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 5,707
Re: How do you know you are done?

Someday I hope I know. We are expecting #2 and I'm so excited. I've always wanted 3 or 4 so I figure when we get to the #3 someday we'll reassess. All I know is right now it's enough of an adjustment to think about #2. So I've decided not to think about it. and I'm sure that we'll know one day.
~ Heidi ~ Christian Wife and Mom
DS ~ DD ~ DS
Rustic Barnyard - Custom Refinished Furniture
Join me on Swagbucks

rawheid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 01:33 PM   #7
m00ndancer's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: the Plains
Posts: 729
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

Well, I thought I was completely done with 3 (2 boys and a girl) 13 years ago. However, little did I know at that time that my life was going to completely turn upside down!!

My (then) hubby got a vas. after our 3rd baby was born. We knew we were done...we felt complete. But, when my youngest was 4, my hubby left me.

I met someone new and told him from the start that I already had 3 kids and did NOT want any more...period! He agreed that he would be happy just being step-dad. Well, that all changed. We both felt a strong urge to have a baby together about a year later. So, we did! We had a beautiful little boy so we were happy that hubby's name would be carried on. We were done, and happy with raising 4 children.

Well, God certainly has other plans!! He threw a wrench into our plans! I found myself pg again when #4 was only 14 months old. WHAT?? 5 kids?? How on earth was I going to do this?? It took several months to get used to the idea, but it happened. I fell in love with our baby-to-be and am a very happy mom of 5.

Whoa...wait a minute!! My youngest (who just turned 5 yesterday) was supposed to be it! Hubby was supposed to get a vas. last Spring but got busy with work and life and never set the appointment. Well, needless to say I guess, we got the surprise of our lives in September! I took 3 home pg tests...all positive. I went to the dr and took a test there...positive! OMGosh!! Now what?? Baby #6?? Are you kidding me?? Nope...I am due May 26, 2008 with a baby girl!!

Yeah, I was pretty devastated. I have been going to school working on getting a degree and starting my own path other than "mom." That has now been put on hold because of me being SO sick! But, I've adjusted to the idea that we are now going to add a new member to our family. So now we'll have 4 boys and 2 girls...I am happy!

I don't know what to tell you about how to "know" when you are done. I've "known" it several times and was handed a different road map. Yeah, we were very careful, but things happen nonetheless. I wouldn't change a thing! I love every one of my children whether we planned to have them or not! I do want to say, though, that if there are ANY doubts whatsoever, don't make a permanent decision! You have to be 100% positive! I wish you the best of luck!!
Mel - Wife to Rob , Mom to 6 beautiful children - BJ (21), Alicia (18), Brandon (15), Spencer (9), Simon (7), Abigayle (1) Psalm 127:3-5
m00ndancer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 01:38 PM   #8
mama2six's Avatar
Registered Users
Formerly: mama2five
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 515
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

I've always heard people say they just know their "family is complete".......dh is planning to get a vasectomy soon and it's depressing Even though I am on pregnancy #7! We lost our 4th, so whether we have 6 kids or 20 kids I don't think our family will Ever be "complete". I guess for us, we're saying we're done only because we are at what we feel is the max we can support and have room for. It's hard though, the thought of never being pregnant again is very rough on me.
Proud Owner of Zing Slings & More , Affordable Website Enhancements, and part of the Crunchy Congo!
Jessica - Crunchy wahm mama to 2 girls, 4 boys & baby due Feb 2010!!
mama2six is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 01:45 PM   #9
mamaejb's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Japan
Posts: 2,167
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

We are done.

Dh and I always said we wanted 3 kids. But.... I had 2 m/c's and the 2nd one(before DS) nearly broke me, physically and emotionally. I said that after DS was born, that was it, I was D-O-N-E. Since I had a m/c before each of my successful pgs, I was afraid of suffering another one. I didn't want to go through that again. Dh agreed with me- he didn't want to see me suffer anymore either. We feel complete as a family. I had a c/s and got my tubes tied(no issues with that, btw).

I'm extremely happy with my decision. I am still trying to convince my DH to get the V done, because I really don't want an "oops" in 6 years. I held my neighbor's 7wk old yesterday and while it was sweet and wonderful, I don't have any desire to have another baby.

If you aren't 100% sure that you are done, then don't do anything permanent yet.

ETA: during my c/s, after they delivered the baby, the Dr asked me if I was sure that I wanted my tubes tied and I said "heck yes! Tie them so they won't grow back, EVER!" Everyone chuckled and the Dr told me she took a large portion of the tubes out.

Last edited by mamaejb; 02-02-2008 at 01:49 PM.
mamaejb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2008, 02:30 PM   #10
3inclothdiapers's Avatar
Registered Users
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,065
My Mood:
Re: How do you know you are done?

I have never felt "done". Nor has dh. Sometimes he feels "not yet" when I'm ready for another, but neither one of us is done. I am pg with #5 right now. I'm pretty sure I'll want a #6 too, but I'm not sure after that. I'm feeling led in the "let God determine how many kids and their spacing" way of things, which I know is not too popular in our society. Dh is still kind of scared at the idea, but I know he's working through it.

We don't do hormonal bc either, and even if I think I'm done, I will never get a tubal ligation. I'd prefer that dh doesn't get a vas either. So, that leaves Natural Family Planning (if you get the manual and study it and do it right, it really should work most of the time!) and condoms. The strict NFP people don't believe in condoms though. But they are a good backup if you aren't familiar enough with your body's signals yet.

Even with bc and surgeries and whatever, sometimes people still get pg. When that happens, sure, it's a shock, but just think, God must have a REALLY good reason for wanting that child to be here.
3inclothdiapers is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2018 VIX-WomensForum LLC. All Rights Reserved.