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Old 09-22-2016, 12:46 AM   #1
nothingtosee's Avatar
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Not getting along

Does anyone else's kid have trouble dealing with kids who don't listen?

My kid is in a gym and swim program once a week. We've had on and off problems since last year, but last week was the worst and the kid came out begging me not to make him go back and was sobbing. Apparently, he tried to get a kid to get back into the line and grabbed him by the shoulders, which turned into a fist fight and since mine made first contact, he was the one punished.

We've been going over how he should never put his hands on someone without their permission unless it's for his own safety, I realize that is a problem. The problem I'm not sure how to handle is how much he is bothered by kids not following the rules or listening to the adult in charge, as this isn't the first time he's gotten upset over such things. He's had similar issues at a church youth group. In most of the instances, the adults always tell me how good of a kid he is, but that he's just having trouble getting along.

He gets in trouble at home for little things like sneaking candy, but overall he's very well behaved- doesn't get into things he shouldn't, asks before doing things, isn't loud or disruptive....I can confidently take him to weddings, formal dinners, my Dr's appts, etc knowing that he will not cause a problem or misbehave.

We had a similar problem with the charter school he attended, where he just couldn't deal with the kids teasing him and when he got upset (he yelled at them), he got in trouble. His dad and I both witnessed it happen on the playground, as we had asked to observe. We asked the teachers if they could stop the kids from picking on him but we were told it was "free play" and that they weren't hurting him.

Now, I never got along with other kids myself so I'm struggling a bit to see what the best course of action is here. He's an only child and I'm sure that contributes, but honestly some of these kids grate on my nerves too and I can understand why he's upset with them.

ETA- He does NOT have any problems at our other homeschool get togethers, gyms or free play. At gym and swim, it's only been 1 kid for both years that he's had a problem with.


Mamma to DS('07) and a happy steward of the Earth

Last edited by nothingtosee; 09-22-2016 at 12:58 AM.
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Old 09-22-2016, 08:12 PM   #2
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Re: Not getting along

Sounds as if your son has a strong sense of justice and is a sensitive,compliant child. Perhaps you could role play with him what to do in certain situations since he doesn't have any siblings to have real life experiences with in regard to disobeying the rules. He will have to learn to allow the adults to deal with those who do not listen, otherwise he will be seen as bossy and a tattletale. Sounds like my daughter who preferred being around adults. The oldest, as well as only children tend to be more mature than their peers.
Remind him it is not his responsibility to keep others in line and that it will only get him in trouble, as he knows from experience. Seems like you can relate to him, so that is a good place to start by telling him how you coped.
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Old 09-22-2016, 09:00 PM   #3
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Re: Not getting along

That sounds like my nephew and I agree with Mom22Feb as well. And the best thing my sister can do with him, besides daily reminders that he is only responsible for HIS own actions--is to role play how to respond when others don't behave the way he thinks he should (which is usually to ignore them--but it takes practice to get that ingrained).
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