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Old 03-15-2008, 12:17 AM   #1
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husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

So my husband is convinced that cosleeping with my 5 month old is going to mess with her mentally down the road. He thinks its going to turn her into a wussy that will be totally dependent on me. I told him that i enjoy the closeness of her sleeping right next to me and get more sleep cosleeping but he keeps telling me i need to let go and "cut the cord" We coslept with my 2.5 year old but moved her at 6 months to a crib right next to our bed because there just wasn't enough room. Now that we have a king i have no reason to move her. So anyone have any links or info i can give dh to show its not going to mess with her.

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Old 03-15-2008, 09:11 AM   #2
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

My kids have never slept with us, but my 3 year old dd is so clingy it drives me crazy. I don't think sleeping with you or not causes them to be like that. It is just certain kids' personalities. None of my other kids were ever clingy to the point she is. I can't even leave her with my sister who she sees several times a week since she was born, (she even nursed her once when I had to go to the dentist or something!!) without her freaking out and crying for a long time. It won't cause her emotional harm to sleep with you. Do what's best for your daughter and family.
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Old 03-15-2008, 09:58 AM   #3
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

yeah i just think if shes going to be clingy shes going to be clingy not because we cosleep
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Old 03-15-2008, 10:07 AM   #4
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

Clingy babies are clingy no matter what you do.
I guess all the parents in other countries are messing with their kids too then, seeing whole families share space to sleep, not just parents and babies.
Maybe a co sleeper attached to the bed will make him feel better.
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Old 03-15-2008, 10:14 AM   #5
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

Hi Momma. I co-slept with my 1st son for 6 years. While it was not my cup of tea, I was not really worried about him being clingy. He was not a needy baby...in fact he was very independant and still is at 11 years old.

Now as far as DH is concerned, maybe co-sleeping is not what he wants. I know my DH has said NO co-sleeping. We talked as best friends and partners to come to terms about baby and sleeping. We made a compromise. I will be BFing and do not want to lose too much sleep as I will need my rest to tend to our son. We decided to have our son in our room in his co-sleeper next to the bed. I will put him in his own bed for naps and 1st time going to sleep. When he wakes at night to nurse, then I can keep him in our bed. Once he stops night waking he will go into his own room and his bed will be moved there. We decided that night time is our time and that our closeness child free was very important. I would speak with your hubby, see if he is wanting some special time with you and feels left out. Just as much as we want to feel special, so do our DH's. I am sure that you can come to a compromise that can work for all. Good luck Momma. I know how important co-sleeping is for many. For me my DH and his needs are just as important. Give it a try and see if he will agree to some co-sleeping and some time w/o.
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Old 03-15-2008, 10:17 AM   #6
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

The Family Bed is also a great resource.
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Old 03-15-2008, 10:38 AM   #7
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

Sleeping in the same bed as your child does not make them needy or clingy. Some children are like that by nature though. All 5 of my children have shared a bed with me. All of them are independent. Since i cosleep i am never tired, becuase i can nurse in my sleep. I cant imagine being sleep deprived. I have never been after having a baby. My DH sleeps on the couch on nights where i need more room and when the babies are very new. I do suggest finding some books and reading them together. I think the difference is in nurturing your child and not coddling them. Sleeping with your child is nurturing. Women have been known to move their babies in their sleep, nurse them and it also regulates breathing and heart rates in newborns. IMO there is nothing better. I don't know many animal/mammals that sleep separately from their young. Humans are the only ones that seem to think that a child sleeping separately or in another room is good for them and their independence. I think that independence can be worked on as the child gets older, not a 6 months old. They need their mothers for a reason.
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Old 03-15-2008, 12:33 PM   #8
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

I've co-slept with all of my boys and I have happy, well-adjusted, very independent young men, ages 10, 8, and 4. They are definitely paragons of testosterone production and we've had no "cutting the cord" issues around here, thankyouverymuch to your DH. I am now co-sleeping with my new daughter. Personally, co-sleeping or not, I think 5 months old is a little early for Dh to be worrying about clinginess issues - she's a BABY. BABIES need closeness and care, especially if they are to be strong and independent down the road. This can be done co-sleeping or not, but I'm with PPs, co-sleeping isn't really a factor in a child being clingy or whatnot. Right now, I'd just say it's age.

Oh, and all of my older children co-slept with us well into toddlerhood.

Your DH, however, may be using the clinginess argument to cover a personal dislike for co-sleeping. Some husbands just don't like the thought of sharing the marital bed with a child, or are in other ways uncomfortable with it. Perhaps he worries about safety or something else. Perhaps he just wants a break when he slips into bed at night and isn't wanting to sound mean about it. These are important feelings and should really be considered. Perhaps you two could come up with some sort of compromise? Co-sleeping doesn't need to be a all-or-nothing proposition. Hopefully you two can work this out for the benefit of the entire family.
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Old 03-15-2008, 08:26 PM   #9
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

Quite the opposite is true. Search Diana Baumrind's Parenting Styles and then attachment (not necessarily to be confused with the style coined by Dr. Sears) and find the research that way-- best arguments are based in research. Children who are securely attached (and co-sleeping is not the only way to get there, there are many factors here) do generally become more secure and independent older children/adults.
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Old 03-15-2008, 08:50 PM   #10
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Re: husband thinks cosleeping will mess with baby???

I've coslept with Kearnan since he was born, he is very independant. However I have coslept with Tharen since day one and he is clingy. But he is also 2, Kearnan is 6.5, so there is a huge difference there. I have a good feeling that Tharen will not be clingy in the years to come. I can tell just by the way he acts that his recent velcro routine has more to do with his new developmental strides (giving up the paci and potty learning) than with an actual temperament. But then Co-sleeping has always seemed natural to dh and I. My mother co-slept with me, and with my brother, and with the two of us together, when we were kids. Up into my teens if I was sick my mother would sleep with me in the bed in the guestroom in case I needed her in the night. And guess what, I'm not clingy, I'm not needy. And you can ask anyone, I am far from wussy. I'm independant and daring and dh claims a bit militant. I believe in myself and my ideals and I don't let people push me around. My parents and I have a healthy relationship, not codependant or weird or anything. So no, I don't think you sleeping with your 5month old will irreperably harm her in anyway.
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