e-mail from MIL has my blood boiling *my reply in 82*

[MyLil'Mountaineers]

Originally Posted by MomSmoo I am one of the people who doesn't let my kids sleep over. My parents have never driven my boys mainly because it has never come up. The closest family lives 4 hours away, so we are there when they are with their grandparents (we will run out when the boys are napping or something, but that is about it). Also, DH and I are of the impression that WE had the kids, not my parents (his parents are a whole other story), so we need to be there to raise them. My parents aren't old late 50s and are still very active, but lord knows my boys exhaust me on a daily basis and I don't expect my mom to chase Lane down at the park. It is more of a facilitate their relationship not expecting them to take care of my kid for me. The idea of just dropping my kids off with their grandparents is so foreign to me so I am still just guessing that I don't get it.

Originally Posted by homebirthmom I had my kids to raise not someone else. I'n VERY hands on. they prefer it that way and so do I. no worries and they are the 1st priority in my life. hey poster, sorry to hijack your thread.

*Bolding is mine*

What makes you think that I think other people ought to be raising my children? Just because they spend a few hours on a Saturday with my mom or sister doesn't mean they are raising my children. How did not allowing them to drive the kids somewhere turn into letting someone else raise your children?

My children are constantly with me (except for the few hours on Saturday). They are first priority in my life. I don't go anywhere my kids are not welcomed. If my mom offers to take them out to lunch or to the park (my mom is in her late 50's and LOVES to chase them around), I'm not going to deny her of that. My kids love spending time with them. After spending all week with only me they beg to go. I fail to see how I'm passing the buck onto them in regards to raising them.

I actually stuck up for most of what you all said. I actually agreed with not letting them spend the night until a certain age. I agreed with not letting gps drive if there is a medical condition. However, now I'm just confused.

[mistylaureena]

Originally Posted by AlisonR80 hey missy, this is my thread... I think that a sleepover (my older boys only) at grandma's every other month (or less often!) is far from them raising my children. It doesn't make then NOT my first priority, that is ridiculous. They love going there and spending the night. When my MIL has my older boys she likes to plan fun things to do, like going to a fall festival/parade in their town...in addition to things like church. My parents do the same thing, they take my older boys out to eat, get ice cream, and on a rare occasion they go ...flying with my dad. That last one does make me nervous sometimes though. Anyhow, I think its normal for grandparents to take grandkids places. Maybe we should start a S/O thread for this topic

ITA with everything you said......I think its totally normal for GP to take their GC places and do stuff besides run around the back yard and play pool--which is fine too...but having my LO at my moms and her doing fun things with him in no way imaginable says she is raising them nor does it mean I am not hands on----I See it as I'm not controlling in giving my parents freedom to develop a relationship with my son.

[MomSmoo]

If I came and dropped off my kids for my parents for the weekend and said -- here you go have fun with them, carseats are installed, they absolutely would feel like I was leaving them with the resposibility of raising them for that weekend. I WOH, FT and I and DH pay someone to take care of my kids during the week. It is a VERY hard job and it is MY job when I am home to do so. What it is NOT is my parents job. They get the fun stuff with my kids -- pushing them on a swing until they are bored and they get to walk away. I don't. If Lane wants to swing for 3 hours, I would be there pushing him for three hours and I don't expect that of my parents. They did their job and did it well. they are done.

I also don't think that makes them bad grandparents. They love my boys to bits and would do anything for them, but they don't babysit and I don't want or expect them to. If I need a babysitter, I will find someone responsible and pay them for that job.

I also don't mean the "it is my job to raise them" as a jab to anyone and I am sorry that I came off that way Amanda (and Misty). It was unintentional. Since I do work, I get from people a lot that I don't "raise" my kids and it offends me, but I also tend to agree (I just don't like to hear it). If you put them in anyone elses care for any extended period of time you allow that person to help raise your child. It isn't a BAD thing though. My parents wouldn't like it and therefore I avoid the situation and have never felt the need to even ask for an overnight/alone visit (I don't even know where the heck we would go to leave them alone overnight or even for a few hours).

I will say -- it isn't like we have a RULE about this in our house. It just truly has never, in the almost 3 years I have had kids, come up. But it also doesn't surprise me because it was the way I was raised to.

[Corey3739]

Originally Posted by PaisleyandLaylasmommy I don't always leave a car seat, but I figure if there was really a huge emergency, an ambulance would be a better solution than strapping 2 kids in the car and heading for the hospital...

When my youngest was 10 weeks old I needed to have her taken to the hospital. I was at home alone with my 3 kids and called 911. They would not allow me to bring my oldest 2 on the ambulance (they had to stay with the police officers who first responded to the 911 call until my parents arrived to get them) and they wouldn't let the baby on the ambulance without a car seat (whech actually was quite silly since they strapped the carseat to the gurney). I don't know if that was just the policy of that hospital, but you could potentially run into the same issue.

[oneofsix]

I thought it was a perfect response. I keep trying to tell people not to buy used carseats and no one ever listens to me. I understand why you were upset.

When I leave my kids I leave the whole van. No changing carseats around. I then take my mothers car. Perfect compromise. Just thought I would throw that out there might work for someone else too.

[Smidgerooski]

Originally Posted by AlisonR80 ok, i just sent my reply to her (i have to have to last word), i copied some of what someone posted on the first page...thanks mamas!... "Hi *****, I'm sorry if it upsets you. I've been doing research on car seat safety and it is not recommended to buy used car seats because you don't know the seat's history. It may have been in a crash and have damage that is not visible or it may be recalled. Car seats expire 6 years from the date of manufacture and should be destroyed upon expiration. Over time the plastic degrades and can shatter in an accident. I'm sure if you continued to use the seat and were in an accident where he was injured you'd never forgive yourself. A Cosco Scenera costs around $40 from walmart, if you need a new seat we can buy one at a later date. My child's life is worth more than saving a few bucks. http://pregnancy.about.com/od/carsea...seatsafety.htm http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvCRz7BRAM0"

You did good...MUCH better than I would have.

[AlisonR80]

Originally Posted by oneofsix I thought it was a perfect response. I keep trying to tell people not to buy used carseats and no one ever listens to me. I understand why you were upset. When I leave my kids I leave the whole van. No changing carseats around. I then take my mothers car. Perfect compromise. Just thought I would throw that out there might work for someone else too.

Great tip, that's what we used to do with my parents when Z was in a car seat. We'd leave the minivan and take their car.