Need some advice on my dd..

[texanntx]

ack...bras, over rated! Burn em! They cause toxins to build up in the breasts if you wear them too much!

I wear bras only when I have to! (and I am way past being a young teen...I am 50!)

[Guardandolaluna]

I am glad you posted this. I have been trying to think of a good way to handle this with my DD. We went bra shopping and it took hours to find a bra After all that, she STILL covers with big sweatshirts, lol! I bought her a book called the Keeping of You. [IMG]file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/ADMINI%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-13.jpg[/IMG]http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1562476661/ref=nosim/chrisficti-20
She refers to it all the time. A year or so ago, she complained that she hated her eyebrows and did not want a unibrow. She asked when I would let her wax.. if I would let her at 12. I said sure. Then on her 12th bday last week, she said "did you make an appt for me?" Right now I am just trying to nurture her in a way to feel more comfy with herself at this awkward time. Her AF has not started. I am thinking of getting her a little spa kit with some pads included, lol. She said she is open to mama cloth at home, but would die if she had to take it to school.
I feel for you.. this time is like a roller coaster sometimes, lol. I would not do mental counseling.. it would just make her feel like there is something wrong with her. I think she seems totally normal, IMO

[L2S2C]

I did not tell my mother when I first started my period either, she only found out by accident because one of the girls my aunt baby sat one summer threw a pad away in the trash and we were confronted on who it belonged to, it did not belong to me but I confessed to also having started my period.

I think the tanks with the bralettes would at least be a good start, eventually she will have to succomb to the fact that she is growing up and she'll wear the bra on her own.

[jjaelovesenglish]

Originally Posted by *Alabamamom* All of you are amazing! I really appreciate all the feedback.. I wasn't even sure if I should post this, but I'm so glad I did.. you all have given so many great suggestions so thank you so much! Sharon, too weird that we are almost living the same life with these girls! Her bday is July 12th.. Does your dd like to penpal? Mine writes letters to 4 right now, one in Canada, one in Kentucky and 2 in California.. If you think yours will be intersted to pp, throw me a PM.. It seems they have LOTS in common and might hit it off pretty well!

My niece will be 13 on the 11th.

[mcpforever]

I think you've gotten some good advice. No one has suggested reverse psychology though. My mom used that on me a LOT as a young teen and it seemed to have worked. Of course, I wanted to wear a bra in 4th grade even though I had NOTHING to put in it.
Just another thought.
For me, the bigger deal my mom made about something, the harder I fought it.

[negrapy]

Originally Posted by texanntx ack...bras, over rated! Burn em! They cause toxins to build up in the breasts if you wear them too much! I wear bras only when I have to! (and I am way past being a young teen...I am 50!)

[katesmash]

Originally Posted by Guardandolaluna I am glad you posted this. I have been trying to think of a good way to handle this with my DD. We went bra shopping and it took hours to find a bra After all that, she STILL covers with big sweatshirts, lol! I bought her a book called the Keeping of You. She refers to it all the time. A year or so ago, she complained that she hated her eyebrows and did not want a unibrow. She asked when I would let her wax.. if I would let her at 12. I said sure. Then on her 12th bday last week, she said "did you make an appt for me?"

LOL sounds similar. I remember living with a unibrow for years and then around 11 or 12 my mom let me start getting them waxed after our hair dresser mentioned a friend that did a great job... and I still go to her! I'm crossing my fingers that DD doesn't get the bushy brows or a unibrow (her eyebrows are blonde right now so we might get lucky... but she's only 5 months old)
I don't remember buying my first bras, but I do remember hitting a phase in high school where my best friend and I spent a LOT of money at La Senza buying bras and coordinating underwear in all kinds of colors It was almost a fashion statement that we couldn't show off!
My niece is 13 1/2 right now, and wears bras willingly, even loves the hand me downs I gave her even though she doesn't fit them! She has them in her closet, just waiting til she can fill them out
Don't worry, I'm sure your DD will accept them and it'll eventually be like you won't even remember the fight to get her to wear them. My niece went through the "don't wanna wear them!" phase, and I bugged her about the way it looked under her shirts (but I bug her all the time, cuz I'm her aunt and that's the relationship we have ) and then took her to La Senza and bought her a really nice pretty bra that FIT her... her mom had bought cheap ones that were digging into her body because they were too small around, which is the main reason she wasn't wearing them! I agree with the bra fitting idea!!!

[mom2madison06]

Not sure. It sounds like maybe the problem is deeper than the bra, and maybe you should look into some counseling to help her feel like she can talk to you, or else at least make sure she has a mentor/adult friend she can go to talk about these things. She sounds a lot like me at that age. Sounds like you're doing the right things, though....

[*Alabamamom*]

Originally Posted by mom2madison06 Not sure. It sounds like maybe the problem is deeper than the bra, and maybe you should look into some counseling to help her feel like she can talk to you, or else at least make sure she has a mentor/adult friend she can go to talk about these things. She sounds a lot like me at that age. Sounds like you're doing the right things, though....

After all the responses, I really think what she's going through is 'normal'... I think if I take her to counseling at this point it might make her more self conscious and think something is really 'wrong' with herself. I'm sure it will be fine.. Thank you again ladies for sharing your insight, and most importantly showing me this is just a degree of 'normal'!!

[jenn5388]

Originally Posted by Rosella I was an A cup and didn't wear a bra until I was in my late 20s. I also never talked to my mom about my period, because in my mind it wasn't really her business (and really it embarrassed her to have to talk about it anyway, so I just spared us both the annoyance), and, plus, she would tend to make a MUCH bigger deal about that kind of stuff than I thought the situation warranted (and tell the whole family and total strangers, etc). Maybe a more hands-off, let it lie approach would help? It doesn't seem to me that either of these things are hurting her or you or your relationship, if you don't do anything more about it. Yes, I am sure it is hard to think she doesn't trust you, but she IS a teenager! Good luck, mama! I dread the teenage years ...

Exactly what I'm thinking..

I got a bra at 13, but My first bra was a 36C. Yeah, and only because my mom was driving me crazy about it.. she also cried and freaked out when she asked me one day if i had started my period yet (I was close to 14) and I said, yeah, 2 years ago. lol

I don't think it's that your daughter doesn't trust you.. but I remember at 13 I wasn't sharing much with my mom. Surely wasn't bra talk and period talk. I just didn't think she cared to know i started my period, and that she didn't really care if I wore bras or not.

The beauty with being 13 and starting to get the boobies, sooner or later all her friends will have bras, and start wondering why she doesn't.. She won't always be braless, but harping on her about getting one isn't going to make her want one either. So If i were you, I'd back off. Peer pressure will do it's job soon enough. Just let her know that when she's ready to get one, You'll be around to pay for it.

Other thoughts is if the older DD and her are close she might be able to talk to her about things that she can't talk to you about.

As much as we would like our kids to come to us and talk about everything like on TV, it doesn't happen. They go though the "my parents are embrassing" stage and refuse to talk to you about personal things.

but if nothing else works, I'd just back off and wait. she won't be braless forever, and she will share things with you once again.. the more you push though the more she's not going to share.. KWIM?