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Old 04-10-2008, 08:11 AM   #11
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Re: positive disciplining w/ hitting-is it possible?

oh my gosh...i didn't even think of preschool! thankfully the teacher hasn't mentioned anything yet...lol...

and early childhood educator makes perfect sense...i have my teacher's assistant training and this is exactly what ta's are trained to deal with and i've still been coming up blank...lol...

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Old 04-10-2008, 11:21 AM   #12
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Re: positive disciplining w/ hitting-is it possible?

Time for me to chime in here.
My (now 6) DS had this trouble in preschool when he was 3 and at the beginning of his 4yo year. It wasn't an issue of not being able to express himself (he was/is an incredibly articulate child and even at 3 could tell exactly what the problem was and what he could have done better, etc). In our case, it was an issue of too much energy and no where to put it coupled with general, non-specific frustration, and the desire for an interaction from the other KID.
He NEVER, EVER did it at home. He would cry at home or suddenly run laps through the house to get his energy and general frustrations out and then be fine.

During his 3yo year at preschool, the teacher would talk to him about his behavior and then send him to the "thinking chair" which was in the classroom where he could just sit and watch everyone else or entertain himself with his shoes. I went and observed one day and he got LOTS of warnings and no follow through. (However, if he noticed ME watching, he stopped in the middle of what he was doing and hugged the kid instead.)
At the beginning of the 4yo year, he had similar problems. I just told the teacher to stay on him about it and not let him take an inch. He had to sit out at play time several times but by the end of the first month, the behavior was gone. For him, he needed an IMMEDIATE and consistant consequence. Meanwhile, I praised him and rewarded him in various ways (movies, treats, trips to the zoo) for having good days. It took the teacher putting HER foot down to make the behavior stop. Getting rewarded was just icing on the cake for him.

I think that you have gotten some good advice here and I hope my experience can help you in some way. (BTW, he did the SAME stuff in his soccer class until his father started pulling him out every time he saw him being ugly.)

One other positive thought...at his age, he is old enough to understand a sticker chart. You can set it up in whatever way you need to (by the hour, by the activity, by the day) so that he can SEE how good he is as he goes along. Perhaps so many positive marks can equal some sort of treat-not necessarily food. And as the behavior gets better, you extend the amount of time/number of positive marks until reward. (We tried this during DS's 3yo year and it worked great as long as the teacher followed through, but she was flakey and didn't follow through and filled it out as he was leaving! )
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Old 04-10-2008, 12:13 PM   #13
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Re: positive disciplining w/ hitting-is it possible?

A great children's book on the subject is Hands Are Not For Hitting by Martine Agassi.
My dd (although younger, only 2) responds immediately to my words "hands are not for hitting" because of the book. She will stop and tell me (like in the book) all the things hands ARE for.
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