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Old 09-08-2006, 06:38 PM   #21
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

I agree with most of the other posts too... I don't really see a problem either... In addition to giving the DCP some back-up BM, I'd also leave a small back up can of formula too that you know your DD can tolerate. (Like maybe a soy formula or whatever kind would be best for your DD. An unopened can is still good for a year.) Formula is not harmful if its a kind that your DC can tolerate... I mean, sure, BM is obviously better, but if the DCP didn't have any BM left and she was just trying to make your DD happy. And it wouldn't have hurt her in the least bit. (Provided that she can tolerate milk, etc.)

I'm just saying... what if something had happens one day and you couldn't pick her up for HOURS or something? Would you rather her get the second best thing, or nothing at all?

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Old 09-08-2006, 07:02 PM   #22
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

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Originally Posted by CarrieMF
What your dd hungry or was there a different reason for her crankiness? If she actually wasn't hungry then I"d be quite po'd that they were about to give her a bottle of formula. Most babies who are hungry will take juice.

I'd give her another chance but also strongly state that under no circumstances is she to be given formula. If she's at an age where they'd give poofs she's old enough to be given plain water if they know you'll be there soon(less than an hour).
She wasn't hungry, just cranky. I do understand turning to food when you don't know what's wrong though.
I want to add, I didn't last night, that Bella has food allergies. Which my DCP is aware of. I don't eat dairy or soy because they make her rashy, gassy, and cranky. So there's a very real chance that formula would actually be harmful to her. I was too upset last night to be articulate.
I did leave a few oz today for the freezer and will do so again on Monday until she has enough for a few meals. I realize after yesterday that it's important.
Additionally, there are foods that I've approved for Bella to have at daycare, and she didn't try any of those. I don't mind her being fed, just not what I've already said no to you know?
I think I'm going to see what happens next week. I just am not sure she's following my directions. And today I came back to her changing Bell for the first time, and now I'm wondering if she only changes her right before I'm going to come, kwim?
Thanks for your input mamas!
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Old 09-08-2006, 07:31 PM   #23
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

I agree with most of what's been said already. If your child is cranky and appeared to be hungry and she had nothing else to feed her, what else was she suppose to do? And you said you didn't answer your phone because you were on your way but as someone else pointed out, your dc provider wasn't expecting you for another hour and your child was fussy and she might have wanted to ask you if it was ok to give formula in this situation. She couldn't get a hold of you because you didn't answer your phone and she was stuck having to make a decision on her own about what to do with your baby. That is what you hired her to do, care for your baby in your absence. Yes, you can let her know your preferences but ultimately you need to make sure the person you hire is someone you trust to make decisions in your absence that are in the best interest of your baby. Put yourself in her shoes, she had a fussy baby and couldn't get a hold of her mother who she wasn't expecting for another hour and she didn't have anything else to feed her. As for the allergies, I would hope that you would have let her know before she watched her for the first time about any known or possible allergies so that she could make the most informed decision possible for your child in your absence. If there are no known or possible allergies, then chances are the occaisional bottle of formula isn't going to hurt or cause your child to wean early especially as old as your child is and since it sounds like she's been taking bottles of bm without problems. And wouldn't you rather your child get the second best source of nutrition when the first best isn't available rather than starve indefinately (like I said your provider didn't know you were on your way)?

You also need to make sure you leave your provider backup resources that you approve of. What if you were in a car accident or suddenly fell ill while your baby was in her care? I just had this happen yesterday. My neighbor was watching my kids while I went to the doctor. I was only suppose to be gone about an hour. But the dr ended up ordering tests which made me take longer than expected and then my car died unexpectedly at the dr's office and I had to get dh to help me take it to the garage. What was suppose to have only taken an hour ended up taking 3 hours. I had left a bottle of bm (which I didn't even expect her to have to use since I was only suppose to be gone an hour) but then I also left a can of formula and some nursery water since on the rare occaision that she does have to take formula I'd rather it be nursery water than our nasty tap water. We also had a situation about a month ago where I was very unexpectedly hospitalized for 2 days and of course could not nurse. She received formula for those 2 days and resumed nursing once I was home. Everything turned out fine.

Anyways, yes, I would give her another chance and provide her with a back up supply of approved food whether it be formula or frozen breastmilk or something else. I assume the puffs you are talking about are the Gerber fruit and veggie puffs, just curious, are you against your child having solids in general or just these puffs? Nutritionally, the ones made by Gerber are no worse than Cheerios in terms of first finger foods. Anyways hth

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Old 09-08-2006, 07:39 PM   #24
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

I agree on leaving the back-up BM. Our DCP had two frozen bags of BM, a sample can of formula from the hospital (which she never had to use), a box of rice cereal, and some snacks. I always err on the side of leaving too MUCH food, not too little.
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Old 09-08-2006, 08:50 PM   #25
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

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Originally Posted by kissum
I think I'm going to see what happens next week. I just am not sure she's following my directions.
Especially after your second post elaborating on things, I think I would be very concerned that she isn't listening to or is choosing to ignore the directions you have given her.

It's not so much about Puffs or formula in and of themselves, but giving non-approved food to a babe they know has food sensitivities? That's really not okay, IMO.

I would make sure to talk with her and stress the importance of following your directions, but in a nice way. And definitely leave more breastmilk. Maybe you could say something like, "I'm sorry that you didn't have any breastmilk to try to give her the other day, so I'll be providing more from now on. However, I'd really appreciate it if you make sure to only give her the things I have approved from now on."

I think the real issue here is trust, and whether you can trust that she is caring for you dc the way you have specified. mama, and I hope things go better next week!
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Old 09-08-2006, 09:04 PM   #26
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

I have to agree with what most ppl said....
you posted about only changing her 1 time, but it sounds like you only leave bottles sometimes, so she must not be there real long so maybe she doesnt need to be changed??

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Old 09-08-2006, 10:57 PM   #27
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

I'm actually shocked by the lack of support in this thread. I feel quilty now.
I want to make clear there WAS approved food to feed her, I do not leave her without anything. So what most of you seem to be saying is that it is ok for a DCP to go against a parents expressed wishes? Yes? In extreme situations? I'm not trying to difficult with this, just trying to understand since I haven't had to use a daycare before.
Additionally, in regards to it being my fault since there wasn't a bottle- if you read my original post clearly you'll notice that my dd DOES NOT take a bottle. Once she took 2 ounces, but usually just freaks out when someone puts it in her mouth. And I hate to keep leaving bottles that have to be dumped since her mouth touched them, kwim?
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Old 09-08-2006, 11:06 PM   #28
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kissum
I'm actually shocked by the lack of support in this thread. I feel quilty now.
I want to make clear there WAS approved food to feed her, I do not leave her without anything. So what most of you seem to be saying is that it is ok for a DCP to go against a parents expressed wishes? Yes? In extreme situations? I'm not trying to difficult with this, just trying to understand since I haven't had to use a daycare before.
Additionally, in regards to it being my fault since there wasn't a bottle- if you read my original post clearly you'll notice that my dd DOES NOT take a bottle. Once she took 2 ounces, but usually just freaks out when someone puts it in her mouth. And I hate to keep leaving bottles that have to be dumped since her mouth touched them, kwim?
well I don't get it, you freaked because they were going to give her formula right? But now your saying she won't drink from a bottle anyway which means she would have never drank the formula right? This may be harsh and I may get flamed (oh well) but if your going to leave your child at daycare then you should prepare them for it and get them used to drinking from a bottle before sending them. Otherwise your making it hard for both the provider and child. I think the daycare provider is pretty nice for trying to feed your hungry CRYING child. She most likely has other kids to take care of too other than just yours. If your not happy with her get a new one, don't forget "stranger danger" and the fact your DD may already feel comfortable with that provider. You need to do what YOU feel is best for you and your DC.
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Old 09-08-2006, 11:07 PM   #29
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

DS was in daycare for a year, and I think you need to pick your battles. I say that with no judgement. When our DCP painted her fireplace while the kids napped, another mom pulled her child. I didn't really care, although I asked on a message board and was shocked how many people would have pulled their child too. If food is an issue, which it sounds like it rightfully is due to her allergies, then think about what you want to do. Can you find someone else? Is this important enough to pull your child over? Are you mostly worried about what else she isn't listening to you on?

When it comes to the people you leave your baby with, I say you should always trust your instincts. Like a PP said, I think the real issue is trust. Our DCP had her faults, but I felt good knowing DS was with her every day. In fact, he hasn't been in her care since April but we visited her this week to show her the new baby and for DS to see her again.

Last edited by Celticcloths; 09-08-2006 at 11:08 PM.
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Old 09-08-2006, 11:31 PM   #30
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Re: BIG daycare issue- WWYD?

Don't feel guilty. You did the right thing and went with your instincts. God gave them to you for a reason. DO NOT feel bad about your feelings/reactions.

I'd be very unhappy with my DCP if they disregarded any of my "instructions" with my dd/ds. I'm a mom, I want what's best irregardless of the situation and I'm going to do my best to make sure my kids are taken care of properly.

Yes, it's hard to switch but, you can easily try to fix this situation and it seems you already have and I commend you on that. You are a good mama. (((HUGS)))
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