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Old 05-01-2008, 06:24 AM   #21
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Re: Single parents?

I've never been through a divorce before, but I would be careful about leaving the house to live somewhere else right now. In some states that can be considered forfeiting it, and your dh would get the house.

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Old 05-01-2008, 08:49 AM   #22
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Re: Single parents?

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I've never been through a divorce before, but I would be careful about leaving the house to live somewhere else right now. In some states that can be considered forfeiting it, and your dh would get the house.
I wish it were that easy...actually, I don't want the house but it's going to be hard for me to get rid of it. The bank won't give either of us the mortgage without the other so no matter what the court says, we'll probably wind up selling it but in this housing market, there's no way we'll be able to sell it for what we owe. The whole thing is a huge mess!

Yesterday afternoon he got home from work and plopped down in front of the TV. As I was leaving to get the boys from school, I told him that I know this is an awkward situation but to please try not to make it any harder on the kids than it needs to be. He rolled his eyes. When I got home from getting them, he made himself a sandwich and went to bed. This morning he got up and left for work before the boys and I woke up. He left his wedding ring on my dresser. It's not pleasant, but I just told the boys Daddy didn't feel good and went to bed early. At least he wasn't yelling and fussing or making snide comments all night. This I can live with for a few weeks...

At some point yesterday he did take me seriously enough to do some research about child support in GA. Apparently that's all he cares about...how much this is going to cost him. Whatever!
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Old 05-02-2008, 12:56 AM   #23
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Re: Single parents?

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I wish it were that easy...actually, I don't want the house but it's going to be hard for me to get rid of it. The bank won't give either of us the mortgage without the other so no matter what the court says, we'll probably wind up selling it but in this housing market, there's no way we'll be able to sell it for what we owe. The whole thing is a huge mess!

Yesterday afternoon he got home from work and plopped down in front of the TV. As I was leaving to get the boys from school, I told him that I know this is an awkward situation but to please try not to make it any harder on the kids than it needs to be. He rolled his eyes. When I got home from getting them, he made himself a sandwich and went to bed. This morning he got up and left for work before the boys and I woke up. He left his wedding ring on my dresser. It's not pleasant, but I just told the boys Daddy didn't feel good and went to bed early. At least he wasn't yelling and fussing or making snide comments all night. This I can live with for a few weeks...

At some point yesterday he did take me seriously enough to do some research about child support in GA. Apparently that's all he cares about...how much this is going to cost him. Whatever!

At least he wasnt looking up legal custody stuff right

And Im so sorry about your house! The economy is horrible right now
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Old 05-02-2008, 05:51 AM   #24
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Re: Single parents?

Well, he's been talking to his parents (and who knows who else!) and now he's decided to be a jerk. Last night he demanded a list of all our bank accounts and all the transactions so he can see where "I've" been spending all "his" money. Funny thing is, I've been trying to get him interested in our financial situation for years and he would never have anything to do with it. He says it's my fault we've got so much debt and that I never told him how broke we were. Apparently I've run up our credit blowing money on things for me . I asked him where he thought his riding lawnmower came from two years ago. He said it was paid for with a tax refund. $600 refund, $1,400 riding lawnmower...you do the math. Besides, I wanted to use that tax refund to pay down some debt but he HAD to have the lawnmower. And his computer that he had to buy the day after Thanksgiving...that wasn't from a tax refund...but he insists that he thought that was money we had. Last fall, he wanted to buy a new big screen TV and I told him there was no money. He opened a Brandsmart credit card to buy that one and I refused to put my name on the account because I didn't want him to buy it but he insisted...kind of hard to say he thought we had the money for that one! And of course, the biggest reason we're in the situation we are is because I have the boys in school instead of sending them to his girlfriend for daycare. He said he wants me to move out today. I told him that I would consider it but that if I move out, all the utilities will be disconnected and I'm not paying anything more toward the house. And I'm only moving out when I'm good and ready...I may not be able to legally force him to leave but he can't force me to either. And the fact that it's awkward for us is not a good enough reason for me to leave before I'm ready. If it's affecting the kids, I'll do what I have to do, but I'm not going to leave just to make him more comfortable. He asked me how I think I'll move all my stuff out when I leave and I told him I could fit a good bit in the back of our minivan even if I have to make several trips. Anything that won't fit in the van, I know enough people with pickup trucks that I'm sure I can find someone to help me move. "Oh, are you scr*wing them?" Apparently I've been keeping so many secrets lately he doesn't even know who I am. I don't think I've made a secret of the fact that we're in debt...I keep asking him to sit down and look at our finances with me so that he would understand why I don't want to spend money but he's not interested. And I KNOW I haven't made any secret of the fact that I'm miserable in this marriage...he just chooses not to care about that because he never thought I'd actually do anything about it. The last thing he said last night was to write up everything I want as far as how to split our debt, how to split our property, child support (which I keep telling him I have VERY little choice in that...it's awarded whether you want it or not!!!), and custody/visitation and he'll look over it and decide what to do. Just like everything else in our lives, he wants me to write up an agreement with no input from him and then he'll b*tch and whine for the rest of his life about how I did him wrong and he's the poor victim. I just want it to be OVER!!! Oh and he also asked me what I was planning to tell the kids. I told him I'd like for the four of us to sit down and talk together and just explain to them that mommy and daddy are not going to be married anymore but we both still love them very much and it's not their fault or anything like that and whatever is appropriate. He just laughed, rolled his eyes, and walked off.
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Old 05-03-2008, 04:32 AM   #25
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Re: Single parents?

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Originally Posted by bfoster2000 View Post
Well, he's been talking to his parents (and who knows who else!) and now he's decided to be a jerk. Last night he demanded a list of all our bank accounts and all the transactions so he can see where "I've" been spending all "his" money. Funny thing is, I've been trying to get him interested in our financial situation for years and he would never have anything to do with it. He says it's my fault we've got so much debt and that I never told him how broke we were. Apparently I've run up our credit blowing money on things for me . I asked him where he thought his riding lawnmower came from two years ago. He said it was paid for with a tax refund. $600 refund, $1,400 riding lawnmower...you do the math. Besides, I wanted to use that tax refund to pay down some debt but he HAD to have the lawnmower. And his computer that he had to buy the day after Thanksgiving...that wasn't from a tax refund...but he insists that he thought that was money we had. Last fall, he wanted to buy a new big screen TV and I told him there was no money. He opened a Brandsmart credit card to buy that one and I refused to put my name on the account because I didn't want him to buy it but he insisted...kind of hard to say he thought we had the money for that one! And of course, the biggest reason we're in the situation we are is because I have the boys in school instead of sending them to his girlfriend for daycare. He said he wants me to move out today. I told him that I would consider it but that if I move out, all the utilities will be disconnected and I'm not paying anything more toward the house. And I'm only moving out when I'm good and ready...I may not be able to legally force him to leave but he can't force me to either. And the fact that it's awkward for us is not a good enough reason for me to leave before I'm ready. If it's affecting the kids, I'll do what I have to do, but I'm not going to leave just to make him more comfortable. He asked me how I think I'll move all my stuff out when I leave and I told him I could fit a good bit in the back of our minivan even if I have to make several trips. Anything that won't fit in the van, I know enough people with pickup trucks that I'm sure I can find someone to help me move. "Oh, are you scr*wing them?" Apparently I've been keeping so many secrets lately he doesn't even know who I am. I don't think I've made a secret of the fact that we're in debt...I keep asking him to sit down and look at our finances with me so that he would understand why I don't want to spend money but he's not interested. And I KNOW I haven't made any secret of the fact that I'm miserable in this marriage...he just chooses not to care about that because he never thought I'd actually do anything about it. The last thing he said last night was to write up everything I want as far as how to split our debt, how to split our property, child support (which I keep telling him I have VERY little choice in that...it's awarded whether you want it or not!!!), and custody/visitation and he'll look over it and decide what to do. Just like everything else in our lives, he wants me to write up an agreement with no input from him and then he'll b*tch and whine for the rest of his life about how I did him wrong and he's the poor victim. I just want it to be OVER!!! Oh and he also asked me what I was planning to tell the kids. I told him I'd like for the four of us to sit down and talk together and just explain to them that mommy and daddy are not going to be married anymore but we both still love them very much and it's not their fault or anything like that and whatever is appropriate. He just laughed, rolled his eyes, and walked off.
Your hubby has a girlfriend

And Im so sorry mama He is being a total jerk! Rolling his eyes when talking about telling the kids! What a child
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Old 05-03-2008, 07:21 AM   #26
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Re: Single parents?

I dont' have any advice other than to document his alcholism, if he is abusive, how often he's drunk etc. I lived with an alcholic mother, and I know it's no picnic. My DH divorced his ex because of her drinking and partying and she wound up losing physical and legal custody of her children because of it. Best of luck and TONS of hugs to you, I know this has to be gut and heart wrenching for you to see your boys go through this.
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Old 05-03-2008, 11:15 AM   #27
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Re: Single parents?

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I wish it were that easy...actually, I don't want the house but it's going to be hard for me to get rid of it. The bank won't give either of us the mortgage without the other so no matter what the court says, we'll probably wind up selling it but in this housing market, there's no way we'll be able to sell it for what we owe. The whole thing is a huge mess!
I was afraid of that

Honestly, I would do everything through the lawyer I wouldn't even talk to him about who gets what, etc. If he wants to draft up an agreement, let him and have your lawyer look it over, but don't do it for him. He's so used to you doing everything like this so he's probably lost as hell and wants you to continue to do things for him (you make up the agreement, you move out, how are you going to tell the boys, etc)

As far as telling the boys, while it'd be ideal for you both to sit down and tell them, do it without him if you have to. How old are they again - 4 and 2 right? If they are, I don't think they'll understand the words "marriage", "divorce", "splitting up" etc. Maybe phrase it as Mommy and Daddy have been fighting a lot so it's best that we don't live together anymore. I don't know what's going to happen next, but I know everything's going to be ok. It's not your fault at all and Mommy and Daddy still love you very much.
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Old 05-03-2008, 02:29 PM   #28
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Re: Single parents?

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Your hubby has a girlfriend

And Im so sorry mama He is being a total jerk! Rolling his eyes when talking about telling the kids! What a child
I shouldn't call her his girlfriend...I have no evidence that they're sleeping together (yet!) but I wouldn't be overly surprised. She's the wife of one of his buddies and sleeps around on her husband pretty openly. She betrayed my mother and me a while back and he's always been a lot more supportive and respectful to her than he has to me. He's talking about moving in with her and her husband now. He stayed there last night and they're supposed to be discussing letting him rent a room and calling him back. I DO NOT want my kids going over there when he has them but I guess I'll have to deal with that when the time comes. For now, I'm just glad he's leaving here.

Last night I told DJ that Daddy is probably going to live in a different house and we might be getting a new house too. I'm trying really hard not to say anything bad about their dad but it's so hard to remind them that I'm doing this for them so that we can all be happy without saying that their dad is a jerk and isn't here for us. Last night DJ totally freaked out when I told him but today he seems to be handling it a little better. I'm sure there will be good days and bad days...
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