International adoptions

[Ladycop79]

Laura- LOL- I HAVE read Tara's blog...so sad about her court date getting pushed so many times! My absolute favorite thing about her blog is the funny pictures she has to show her feelings-like the one of her "poking her eye" out!

I just found out some bad work news so I am SO ready to get this sell-the-house, quit-my-job, get DH to Iraq and back safely, start the homestudy show on the road!

[TestifyToLove]

To be honest, I would rather work with a secular, ethical agancy than one that declares themselves to be Christian. I actually feel very uncomfortable with Christian agencies and refuse to consider them further the nanosecond someone starts talking aout their ministry and how we're supposed to support and assume the best of other believers.

I've seen a LOT of so-called Christian agencies/facilitators who are not transparent about their ethics and hide that behind their so-called faith. Ethical adoptions do not need religion to shelter them. Regardless of your religious affiliation, you are still obligated to practice above the board ethics. I've never seen a secular agency/facilitator trying to hide behind faith to stop people from insisting upon examining their practices and ethics. I've seen them put up smokescreens and a song and dance, but not pull the religion card. Religious unethical groups have a special nack for making the adoptive parents feel as if they are not being Christian enough when they ask to see the fruit of ethical practices.

As for why we won't adopt through the US foster-care system again, suffice it to say that we've endured a 9 month nightmare which only ended when our ds's GAL took DCFS to court and had a judge COMPEL them to allow us to adopt our son, not because they had any other family in mind for him, because there were none, not because he was stable in his fosterhome, because she had given notice and they lied to the judge about that fact. No, we were targetted for reasons we may never understand but some involved have assured us began from the moment we inquired about adopting him last summer.

The bottom line is that the adoption case worker hated us. She hated us from the very beginning of our adoption process, and as soon as she had the power to stop the adoption she tried to do exactly that. Her only stated reasons for ever hating us was that we were 'too aggressive' and 'not team players'. Given we were pursuing a child with significant medical issues (which they have ignored and neglected for his 3 years in fostercare) and whose future depends upon aggressive treatment, informed parents and the ability to fight for this child every step of the way, its laughable that the very personality trait that makes us the best parents for this child is what made us despised by the adoption case worker and made her fight so hard to NOT let us parent him.

In the end, the state lost their fight. They were compelled to send the child to us. And, the case was transferred not merely to another adoption case worker but to a different branch of DCFS and a new chain of command entirely. The new adoption caseworker does not nearly oppose us as the last one, and is willing to learn from us about what this child and his medical conditions require. And, as soon as the appeal process for the bio-father is up, she will allow us to finalize this adoption.

But, we nearly lost the blessing of parenting this child NOT because of something we did, and certainly NOT because we weren't the best parents for him but because of one arrogant case worker and a system which circles the wagons to protect their own rather than focusing on what is in the best interest of the child. They didn't care that we had had extensive contact with him for 8 months, nor that not coming to our home as promised would have destroyed him. They only cared that we questioned the blatant attempts of a case worker to stop this placement 8 months after it was done. And, there were no recourses left for us beyond appealing to his GAL. Had she not decided to fight with us, we would have lost our son. His fostermother would have stayed firm on her notice and he would have entered the system he had been so fortunate to have been sheltered from and bounced from fosterhome to fosterhome until they could no longer find a single family willing to take on his behavioral or medical issues and he would have ended up institutionalized for the duration of his lifespan, labeled to stupid to know any better and forgotten.

[addiesmommy]

Originally Posted by TestifyToLove To be honest, I would rather work with a secular, ethical agancy than one that declares themselves to be Christian. I actually feel very uncomfortable with Christian agencies and refuse to consider them further the nanosecond someone starts talking aout their ministry and how we're supposed to support and assume the best of other believers. I've seen a LOT of so-called Christian agencies/facilitators who are not transparent about their ethics and hide that behind their so-called faith. Ethical adoptions do not need religion to shelter them. Regardless of your religious affiliation, you are still obligated to practice above the board ethics. I've never seen a secular agency/facilitator trying to hide behind faith to stop people from insisting upon examining their practices and ethics. I've seen them put up smokescreens and a song and dance, but not pull the religion card. Religious unethical groups have a special nack for making the adoptive parents feel as if they are not being Christian enough when they ask to see the fruit of ethical practices. As for why we won't adopt through the US foster-care system again, suffice it to say that we've endured a 9 month nightmare which only ended when our ds's GAL took DCFS to court and had a judge COMPEL them to allow us to adopt our son, not because they had any other family in mind for him, because there were none, not because he was stable in his fosterhome, because she had given notice and they lied to the judge about that fact. No, we were targetted for reasons we may never understand but some involved have assured us began from the moment we inquired about adopting him last summer. The bottom line is that the adoption case worker hated us. She hated us from the very beginning of our adoption process, and as soon as she had the power to stop the adoption she tried to do exactly that. Her only stated reasons for ever hating us was that we were 'too aggressive' and 'not team players'. Given we were pursuing a child with significant medical issues (which they have ignored and neglected for his 3 years in fostercare) and whose future depends upon aggressive treatment, informed parents and the ability to fight for this child every step of the way, its laughable that the very personality trait that makes us the best parents for this child is what made us despised by the adoption case worker and made her fight so hard to NOT let us parent him. In the end, the state lost their fight. They were compelled to send the child to us. And, the case was transferred not merely to another adoption case worker but to a different branch of DCFS and a new chain of command entirely. The new adoption caseworker does not nearly oppose us as the last one, and is willing to learn from us about what this child and his medical conditions require. And, as soon as the appeal process for the bio-father is up, she will allow us to finalize this adoption. But, we nearly lost the blessing of parenting this child NOT because of something we did, and certainly NOT because we weren't the best parents for him but because of one arrogant case worker and a system which circles the wagons to protect their own rather than focusing on what is in the best interest of the child. They didn't care that we had had extensive contact with him for 8 months, nor that not coming to our home as promised would have destroyed him. They only cared that we questioned the blatant attempts of a case worker to stop this placement 8 months after it was done. And, there were no recourses left for us beyond appealing to his GAL. Had she not decided to fight with us, we would have lost our son. His fostermother would have stayed firm on her notice and he would have entered the system he had been so fortunate to have been sheltered from and bounced from fosterhome to fosterhome until they could no longer find a single family willing to take on his behavioral or medical issues and he would have ended up institutionalized for the duration of his lifespan, labeled to stupid to know any better and forgotten.

I agree with you to some degree. I don't by any means think ALL Christian agencies are unethical but there have been a few bad apples to spoil the bunch. We're working with an agency that doesn't shout it from the mountain tops that they are a Christian agency but they are ALL believers and have handled every aspect of our adoption above reproach.

[addiesmommy]

Originally Posted by Ladycop79 I just found out some bad work news so I am SO ready to get this sell-the-house, quit-my-job, get DH to Iraq and back safely, start the homestudy show on the road!

[VinhThiMom]

Hey! A new forum! We have adopted twice from Vietnam. We used VORF for both adoptions.

[monami7]

Our blog is www.gettingourgirls.blogspot.com

If you go to the beginning in June of '06 it talks more about our process. Now it is just to keep people up to date.
heidi

[YnotBhappy]

Originally Posted by addiesmommy I agree with you to some degree. I don't by any means think ALL Christian agencies are unethical but there have been a few bad apples to spoil the bunch. We're working with an agency that doesn't shout it from the mountain tops that they are a Christian agency but they are ALL believers and have handled every aspect of our adoption above reproach.

I understand both points but would caution when using their CHristianity as a reason for going with a certain agency (and I am a strong Christian). It is something you wouldn't understand unless you found yourself being told (rebukingly) that you are wrong for questioning them because they are working under God's will...only to find that they knowingly disregarded international law.
It kills me that adoption/agencies can't all be roses, but the truth is: they aren't. Go with a very reputable agency...ethics is KEY in international adoptions.

[labrae]

Rwanda adoptions? This is new to me! Which agencies have this?

I have another question, but I guess I'll create a separate thread....

[redsonja]

Originally Posted by ajcastle We are in the midst of adopting our daughter, Amaya, from Korea. We are at the tale end here and expecting her to be home this summer! Can't wait (btw HI redsonja, I recognize your avatar from the other board )

Hi Amanda!!!!!

[redsonja]

We adopted DD from South Korea with Holt. We live in TX and Holt is in OR, so we had a separate homestudy agency local here that works with Holt. I have to say I adore Holt, as well as our local agency Lutheran Social Services (and let me say that I am........um........well........"secular"). Daphne's adoption took one year, but she was in the waiting child program, so it was a bit faster. Quoted time frames from application to placement for South Korea right now are 21 months.