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Old 05-07-2008, 09:24 PM   #1
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Feeling sad and rather bummed

As many people know, we were in the process of adopting a baby girl from Vietnam when we unexpectedly got pregnant with Simeon. We put our adoption on hold, but our case was still open with our agency. Well, now, as many know, things are looking bad with adoptions in Vietnam.

My sister (who's also on this board) just got her referral for a little boy in Ethiopia. I am SO thrilled for them, but I guess that's making it harder for me to not have the prospect of an baby in the near future. While I'm totally happy where I am (and extremely busy) with my 3 boys, I'm sad that Vietnam may be out of the picture entirely.

Has anyone on here been part of a failed adoption? Can you relate?

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Old 05-07-2008, 09:34 PM   #2
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Re: Feeling sad and rather bummed

We lost 2 brothers when Sierra Leone closed to US adoptions several years ago. Its in many ways like losing a child and yet its different. I still pray for those brothers and kept their picture some place very safe.

Ultimately, we went to India when we came to the realization that it wasn't about *this* child and *this* country so much as being ready to open our home to loving A child again. That decision brought our 3rd son into our lives. While I still think about what would have been with the brothers, I am deeply immersed in the reality of mothering the child I'm mothering, as adopting him opened our lives to specific high medical needs adoptions. And, that change of direction changed our lives entirely.
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Old 05-07-2008, 10:03 PM   #3
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Re: Feeling sad and rather bummed

We were only in the beginning of the paperchase to adopt from China a few years ago when our financial situation changed and we moved out of state. We ended up having our 3rd bio child because we knew it would take a while to get things back on track, but I still really feel a loss there. We waited 4 years from the time we first decided on adoption to turn 30 per China's requirements, so there was just so much yearning behind it...I love my baby boy though, and while he is not the daughter I thought I would have at this stage, the daughter I had hoped and dreamed for, he is such a dear gift. As soon as we feel better able to afford the cost of international adoption we would love to start again, and we are open to any country. It just so happened that the new town we moved to seems to have a higher than average population of international apoptees, my 11 year old dd even has a few close friends who were adopted from China. And our pediatrician here specializes in International Adoption medicine and has adopted two children internationally herself! I really feel that we are meant to be here, and to adopt here if that isn't corny or whatever!
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Old 05-08-2008, 04:39 PM   #4
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We had an infant in our home for 8 days before her mother decided to parent her. We were there at the hospital for her first moments of life and I nursed her with a supplementor within the first hour and for the full week we had her. When we took her home from the hospital we knew it was a legal (and emotional) risk because the mother hadn't signed any papers... but we felt in our hearts it was the right thing to do... She will be 2 yrs. old on June 13 and I think about her often. We chose her name and didn't feel it would be right to use it for another child in our family, so we greive the loss of that name (Alyssa Marie)... but we named our LO Allison Mary, which we didn't realize how similar it was until some of our family kept calling Allison, Alyssa! We might use the name Marissa someday in the future if we have another girl.

If we had adopted her, we wouldn't have the beautiful little girl we have now... and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I would have loved to have had both girls, but it just wasn't part of God's plan for us...

I guess in the end, we just chalk each experience up as a way of learning something new and believing that God has a plan for us... no matter how many twists and turns it takes, we believe God walks with us every step of the way.
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Old 05-08-2008, 04:47 PM   #5
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Re: Feeling sad and rather bummed

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If we had adopted her, we wouldn't have the beautiful little girl we have now... and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I would have loved to have had both girls, but it just wasn't part of God's plan for us...

I guess in the end, we just chalk each experience up as a way of learning something new and believing that God has a plan for us... no matter how many twists and turns it takes, we believe God walks with us every step of the way.
Yes and Amen!! Thanks mama!
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Old 05-19-2008, 02:41 AM   #6
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Re: Feeling sad and rather bummed

Hugs, mama.... I know it hurts... We have 1 baby girl that we'll never know, and seeing her picture on my computer photo slideshow makes me sad even though I know her birth parents made the "right" choice by putting her in a small local girls orphange (in Asia...) with the hoes that they could afford to get her back within the next few years...
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Old 05-19-2008, 09:02 AM   #7
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We tried to adopt from Russia from August '03 to January '05. We got our referral for twin girls in January '04 and started to dream about them and prepared for them. After a very prolonged wait we finally got to visit them in Russia in October '04. They were amazing. Finally, in January of '05 we left to bring them home (nursery and everything ready). We got to Moscow and found out that we wouldn't be able to adopt them. It was completely heartbreaking. I have never cried so much. They would be 5 this August and I still think about them sometimes. I even recently checked the Russian registry to see if they were available again.

Any loss is tough, but you know, life goes on. Of course that is much easier to say now, but you just move on with life. I will never understand why those sweet girls are not in our home, but now we have 5 amazing children that I couldn't imagine my life without. God has a way of seeing what I cannot and even though I may not understand it all, I am learning to be o.k. with that.

Here's the first picture we got of our girls:




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Old 05-19-2008, 08:08 PM   #8
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Re: Feeling sad and rather bummed

Adoption is a journey that not everyone understands. it is such a roller coaster of emotions. We had two almost/missed placements, and then we got the two babies placed in our home born within 6 days of each other. I feel I am very blessed to have my family. I believe that God has a reason and a plan.

However, with those two losses, I had to cope with feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness beyond words. Yes, we understand. I mourn the babies I may have been able to mother. I think of them, and wonder how they are doing around their birthdays. But I also have two crazy toddlers running around now and helping me to focus on what is going well in my life.

As everyone has said, there is a plan, and you are destined to a certain type/size of family.

Praying for you
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Old 05-19-2008, 08:13 PM   #9
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Re: Feeling sad and rather bummed

No stories but
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:40 AM   #10
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Re: Feeling sad and rather bummed

Quote:
Originally Posted by juliemom23 View Post

Any loss is tough, but you know, life goes on. Of course that is much easier to say now, but you just move on with life. I will never understand why those sweet girls are not in our home, but now we have 5 amazing children that I couldn't imagine my life without. God has a way of seeing what I cannot and even though I may not understand it all, I am learning to be o.k. with that.

Here's the first picture we got of our girls:

Julie,

they are beautiful! And I know my heart would have broke also.... esp. for twin girls! But so glad that God has blessed you with the family you have and pray that those girls are happy and thriving wherever they are.
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