View Poll Results: Would you feel offended? please read post.
Yes 23 50.00%
No 13 28.26%
other 10 21.74%
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Old 05-11-2008, 10:47 AM   #1
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Unhappy Would you feel offended?

My 2.5 yr dd is mildly autistic. Dh & I were in Walmart the other day & she had a meltdown. So, DH took her to the car. A few minutes after they left my 1yr old dd started crying, because she saw the bananas & wanted one. This lady said to me, " your kids really don't want to be in Walmart today." ( I was fine w/ that). I then explained that the baby wanted a banana & that my other dd is autistic & gets overwhelmed in Walmart. Then she said to me, " Well, can't one of you stay home w/ her while the other does the shopping?" This comment really hurt my feelings, because 1)we are a family & want to be together. 2) Do ppl expect me to never let her out of the house? She loves going bye bye. 3) How is she ever supposed to learn to behave in Walmart if I never take her? As if the stares & rude eye rolling aren't enough, I have to deal w/ insensitive comments from ppl too! I'm thinking of getting her a shirt that says," I'm not bad, I'm autistic" then maybe ppl will have some empathy for her, instead of treating her & us like crap.
So, do you all think I'm too sensitive or would you feel offended too?

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Old 05-11-2008, 10:51 AM   #2
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Re: Would you feel offended?

I voted other cause I really don't know how I'd feel. I've had people make comments about my toddler and I've been able to just brush it off, and other times I've wanted to throttle them. It really depends on my mood. I try hard not to let their ignorance and lack of manners put me in a bad mood or make me feel bad, though.
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Old 05-11-2008, 10:58 AM   #3
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Re: Would you feel offended?

yes, I would have been offended being a parent who has a child who is also mildly autistic!! It's your child, it's hard not to feel sensitive
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Old 05-11-2008, 10:58 AM   #4
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Re: Would you feel offended?

It honestly sounded like she was just trying to ask a question and didn't mean any harm by it.
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Old 05-11-2008, 11:05 AM   #5
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Re: Would you feel offended?

mama, I know what that feels like.

I voted no, but answer may have been different a few years ago. Now, I just ignore it and move on.

My 6 yo is autistic. Not only that, but she is big for her age. So she looks about 9 yo and is on a 3yo level socially. She has meltdowns regularly in Wal mart and other busy, crowded places. When I have the option, I leave her at home so that I don't have to put her through the trauma of the busy places. Often, I don't have that option as dh is military and away from home a lot. I work during her school hours, so most of the time she is with me. I have to keep her mind off of the crowd. I usually use two carts. I put Madi in the back of a cart with a book or coloring book and push her and pull the cart with the groceries and 2 yo ds. 4 yo dd "helps" me shop. I guess I have just grown thicker skin over the years. People just don't understand. I don't feel like I should have to tell the world about her issues. She is getting better with the crowds and maybe someday going to Wal-mart won't be such a stress on her. But, if I can make her life easier, I am going to.

I know that you want to be a family, but maybe you should go to crowded places by yourself (it is much quicker and your daughter wouldn't get overwhelmed) and then you would have more quality family time to do things that you dd enjoys.
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Old 05-11-2008, 11:07 AM   #6
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Re: Would you feel offended?

Quote:
Originally Posted by haydn'smommy View Post
I voted other cause I really don't know how I'd feel. I've had people make comments about my toddler and I've been able to just brush it off, and other times I've wanted to throttle them. It really depends on my mood. I try hard not to let their ignorance and lack of manners put me in a bad mood or make me feel bad, though.
I don't let it get to me, however I did think it was rude that someone imply that we should split up our family, just because she has special circumstances. KWIM? In high school I shattered my leg (got hit by a car). It would of hurt my feelings if my Dad never took me anywhere just because it required some extra effort.
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Old 05-11-2008, 11:16 AM   #7
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Re: Would you feel offended?

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Originally Posted by my3kiddos View Post
mama, I know what that feels like.

I voted no, but answer may have been different a few years ago. Now, I just ignore it and move on.

My 6 yo is autistic. Not only that, but she is big for her age. So she looks about 9 yo and is on a 3yo level socially. She has meltdowns regularly in Wal mart and other busy, crowded places. When I have the option, I leave her at home so that I don't have to put her through the trauma of the busy places. Often, I don't have that option as DH is military and away from home a lot. I work during her school hours, so most of the time she is with me. I have to keep her mind off of the crowd. I usually use two carts. I put Madi in the back of a cart with a book or coloring book and push her and pull the cart with the groceries and 2 yo ds. 4 yo dd "helps" me shop. I guess I have just grown thicker skin over the years. People just don't understand. I don't feel like I should have to tell the world about her issues. She is getting better with the crowds and maybe someday going to Wal-mart won't be such a stress on her. But, if I can make her life easier, I am going to.

I know that you want to be a family, but maybe you should go to crowded places by yourself (it is much quicker and your daughter wouldn't get overwhelmed) and then you would have more quality family time to do things that you dd enjoys.
She loves Walmart, but the lights get her stimulated & she wants to run away. She has a meltdown when we try to get her to stick w/ us. KWIM? If Walmart made her afraid or upset, I would leave her at home - for her sake. She is also big for her age, she's 2.5 & weighs 39 lbs & has a 12" inseam LOL! So, I have ppl think she's 4yrs old - I totally know what you mean about that.
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Old 05-11-2008, 11:38 AM   #8
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Re: Would you feel offended?

I'm sorry, people just don't know . I was in a store once and Patrick did the same thing, we were at the checkout and I needed to get the stuff I had in my cart, so I tried to just hange on.

The lady in front of me said "How hard is it to just bring a baggie of cherios to the store to keep your child happy." I seriously wanted to jump her! Not only am I already CLEARLY having an issue with my child, but you need to go and make it THAT much better with your ignorance? Thank you!

I didn't jump her, but I did say "well, do the flickering of the lights bug you, the tiny squeek of the wheel on the shopping cart bug you, or the other screaming kiddo? Cause if they did I don't think Cheerios would help!?!? and perhaps instead of Bawking at me and my family (whom she later questioned why we would have so many) you could simply let me cut in front of you to get out of the store faster!" She did not let me checkout before her and I did not try to even contain Patrick's shrill screaming . Not very Christian like I'm sure!
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Old 05-11-2008, 11:40 AM   #9
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Re: Would you feel offended?

Quote:
Originally Posted by amber918 View Post
I don't let it get to me, however I did think it was rude that someone imply that we should split up our family, just because she has special circumstances. KWIM? In high school I shattered my leg (got hit by a car). It would of hurt my feelings if my Dad never took me anywhere just because it required some extra effort.
Exactly! I hate in when people imply that we should just leave Patrick at home because of our issues! He needs to LEARN to be in the store (and us to help him through it), not avoid it!

Good point mama!
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Old 05-11-2008, 11:42 AM   #10
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Re: Would you feel offended?

I would have interpreted her "suggestion" as an attempt at being helpful, not as treating you like crap. I don't think she was implying you should split up your family and never take your child anywhere. You did tell her your daughter is overwhelmed in Wal-Mart, so she suggested a way for you to avoid bringing her there. I'm sure that's all she meant - not that you shouldn't take her out in public at all.

I think it's easy for us to jump on the defensive when it comes to our kids with SNs, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. For the most part, they really are trying to be helpful, however misguided and boneheaded we might find their advice to be.

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