View Poll Results: Would you feel offended? please read post.
Yes 23 50.00%
No 13 28.26%
other 10 21.74%
Voters: 46. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-11-2008, 11:49 AM   #11
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Re: Would you feel offended?

My 2 1/2 year old has also been dx with autism and my first reaction would have been to tell her to f off and mind your own business. Don't explain, just be. I could care less what people say, my children are going to be out and about just like every one else.

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Old 05-11-2008, 11:52 AM   #12
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Re: Would you feel offended?

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Originally Posted by rebelbets View Post

I think it's easy for us to jump on the defensive when it comes to our kids with SNs, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. For the most part, they really are trying to be helpful, however misguided and boneheaded we might find their advice to be.

-Betsy
I think you're right! It's really hard when you get that a lot tho. Most people with kiddos who are SN are a little less confident in thier parenting (at least I am anymore!). I once had a specialist who we'd been working with for over 4 mos ask me if I'd ever just tried to get down at his level and talk to Patrick when he's in one of his fits. I stood up, said "if you really think I haven't tried that already after 4 mos of seeing you, then we are done here" and haven't been back. I do think I'm more sensititive to cristism and suggestions in regards to parenting tho.
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Old 05-11-2008, 12:00 PM   #13
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Re: Would you feel offended?

I voted yes because why should your daughter be confined to the house because of something she has no control over. I swear people need to shut their mouths and keep their stupid advice/comments to themsevles.
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Old 05-11-2008, 12:10 PM   #14
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Re: Would you feel offended?

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Originally Posted by dirtdartwife View Post
It honestly sounded like she was just trying to ask a question and didn't mean any harm by it.
I was thinking the same thing. I guess it would depend on her tone on how she said it. I think that she may have been trying to think for a solution for you and not trying to offend.

I know however, that when I'm in the moments when Mikey is having meltdowns and the crying can really wear me down and things that wouldn't usually offend me would because everything can get so hectic.

Maybe she saw distress and was honesty asking a question??


On side not: If she was asking snotty then yep I would be offended for sure
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Old 05-11-2008, 04:01 PM   #15
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Re: Would you feel offended?

99% of the time I don't get flustered, because I'm use to it. Plus, I'm really good at tuning it out....LOL!
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Old 05-11-2008, 05:12 PM   #16
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Re: Would you feel offended?

Yep.. I would be offended.. Next time maybe say something along the lines like, "Well, I guess you'd have to actually have to have a child with autism to know much about it." Give a super sweet smile on top of it..
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Old 05-11-2008, 05:16 PM   #17
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Re: Would you feel offended?

Ohhh I would have been hot! I probably would have asked her how her kids turned out since she obviously kept them jailed up in the house? You don't owe anyone any kind of an explaination for your DD's problems or anything. People like her make me insane~
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Old 05-11-2008, 05:22 PM   #18
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Re: Would you feel offended?

I think she should have kept her comment to herself, even if she was *trying* to be helpful IMO. I am going to say from experience (I have 2 younger autistic brothers) that a meltdown puts stress on everyone on the trip and those around them. I helped raise both my brothers as I was 12 when the oldest was born so have had plent of meltdowns w/ them. Did I leave them at home? Nope, but sometimes we did have to modify our plans. Like if we all wanted to go somewhere together my mom would go do the grocery shopping alone so it went quicker and then we'd take the boys to the park. They could play on their own for the most part and if we had a melthdown we could leave immediatly and not have to worry about paying for food or finding someone to take the cart, kwim? To this day they do not go to Walmart, Kroger, etc. b/c we know everytime one of them will have a meltdown and choose to not put them through it or ourselves. Also, we figured out that the flourescent lights seem to cause a lot of trouble.

But, yes she should have gone on her own way- it's not like you already weren't stressed enough!!
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Old 05-12-2008, 02:18 PM   #19
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Re: Would you feel offended?

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I would have interpreted her "suggestion" as an attempt at being helpful, not as treating you like crap. I don't think she was implying you should split up your family and never take your child anywhere. You did tell her your daughter is overwhelmed in Wal-Mart, so she suggested a way for you to avoid bringing her there. I'm sure that's all she meant - not that you shouldn't take her out in public at all.

I think it's easy for us to jump on the defensive when it comes to our kids with SNs, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. For the most part, they really are trying to be helpful, however misguided and boneheaded we might find their advice to be.

-Betsy

I agree with this. And I also agree that it's important for autistic kids to learn to function and "deal" in situations that are hard for them, but when it's sensory overload, repeated exposure isn't necessarily going to make it any better. My autistic son is bothered by the buzzing of Wal*Mart's fluorescent lights and his behavior reflects that. Taking him to Wal*Mart isn't going to help him to overcome this sensory quirk, so I don't take him to Wal*Mart.

It sounded like the woman was trying to offer a reasonable suggestion to make your life easier, not that she was telling you to never take your SN child out in the world. I have 4 kids on the spectrum and while they all enjoy going out, there ARE places I don't take them because I know there will be meltdowns or other problematic behavior and I don't see any reason to subject them, myself or others to a situation that it avoidable.
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Old 05-12-2008, 02:25 PM   #20
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Re: Would you feel offended?

I said other because the lady should have kept her mouth shout in the first place but when you said to her that your daughter gets overwhelmed in Walmart she was probably just wondering why would bring her somewhere where you know she will get overwhelmed. I do see your point in wanting to shop as a family because I would too but I feel bad for your daughter that she gets overwhelmed by going. But like you said maybe the more you go the more she will get used to it.
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