Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-12-2008, 04:43 PM   #1
Honduh Chicken's Avatar
Honduh Chicken
Registered
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Posts: 1,068
My Mood:
DS wants to make his own rules. (7yo)

We're fed up, he is developing a horrible lying problem, he's learning how to be manipulative, and either a) doesn't think of the consequences before he decides to play football with his friends in his after school program instead of doing the WEEKS work of half completed assignments that he crunkled up in his desk...

OR

He b) really doesn't care.

There's seriously a problem here! At this rate, he'll be repeating 2nd grade and I don't know what to do?! The teachers seem to be letting it go on, even though we've been to numerous conferences and DW picks him up personally every day and sees a teacher before she leaves.

I had similar issues at his age, I was severely ADHD, and it took a TEAM of teachers along with my parents and forced phsyc visits to reach me, but I don't want to jump the gun and immediately assume he's got a medical problem. It's easy for me to be quick with that assumption because once I stopped resisting help, and had a pill shoved down my throat it changed my life. To this day, it's like night and day. I'm not ashamed to admit that if I don't take my pill in the morning my DW is the first one to notice and by noon I'm a wreck (disorganized, getting on people's nerves, distracted to no end).

He's a good kid, he's not a trouble maker, he doesn't usually go much further than whimpering and crying during these episodes, whereas I used to kick and scream and go through an entire gamut of emotions before I would fall asleep of exhaustion (my poor mom).

So, what do I do?! Assume the worse, and think it's never going to get better until he get's professional help? Or stick it out and end up having to deal with the same excruciating drama day in and day out until he either ends up in Juvy, or (like me) ends up realizing that he needs help and waves the white flag well into his teens?

Side note: I'm especially frustrated because this is not my biological child, and DW is so beat down by him (emotionally) that she usually ends up sinking to his level and it's like watching TWO 7 year olds go at it! Not to mention she's preggers, emotional, and just down right exhausted by the time she picks him up from school, and it's only going to get worse once the baby's here (which may be a big part of it) So I'm trying the best I can, but I can't baby sit both of them 24 hours a day.

HELP. Before I go insane and paint a big circle in the middle of an intersection and sit in it and threaten anyone who tries to enter "my circle" as I rock back and forth naked humming the national anthem to myself.

(okay that last part was a joke)

but serious though.. HELP.

Advertisement

Honduh Chicken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2008, 08:26 PM   #2
shelbell's Avatar
shelbell
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,016
My Mood:
Re: DS wants to make his own rules. (7yo)

SS daddy that you're going through this. My DS1 is now 12 but 7 is when we noticed his ADD symptoms were getting bad enough to go for a diagnosis. We went to his ped and 2 shrinks and his previous teachers and the current teacher for info. DS1 is a great kid, he just gets frustrated and can't sit still or focus on anything, ever! It is frustrating and from my experience just having a definite diagnosis was a relief. I would say go to your ped and if you can, make an appt with a family counselor or a child psychologist. There are treatments that are effective other then meds though those work too, as you know. It won't hurt anyone or anything to start getting help for him now and it might make for a very stressful family life if you don't, kwim? HTH
shelbell is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2008, 05:30 AM   #3
LilyGrace
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,851
Re: DS wants to make his own rules. (7yo)

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head while I was reading this, so please forgive if my post is slightly scatterbrained.

1. 7yos are idiots. I love them to death, but they can be whiny, flybrained children who need direct assistance in completing unwelcome tasks. They need someone to sit there with them available for help and encouragement in order to complete things in a timely manner. Otherwise, procrastination tools start building early.

2. 8 hours of school + another 2 hours of catch up work + homework at home does not equal a kid who knows how to manage stress. I agree with the afterschool program for letting him unwind a bit from the day and giving you guys control of a school issue at home.

3. When there's a problem, there's a reason. It's not necessarily medical, but can be something as simple as having trouble with a core subject - a hard time writing can translate into not completing reading, writing, science, social studies and even math assignments. Find out the direct issue. Is it needing more time to wiggle? Frustration?

4. Be positive. There's a problem, but instead of focusing on everything wrong, focus on solutions.

5. Let him own the problem. "Kid, this is what the problem is. If the assignments aren't completed, you might repeat second grade. What ideas do you have to work on this? We'll take turns - I'll write your first idea here, then mine, then yours and so on until we can't think of any more." Write down any and all ideas, then after you're done have him cross off the ones that definitely won't work and talk about the rest. When we're a part of something, not a recipient, we tend to put a better effort forth. It's hard being told what to do all the time and not having a voice.

6. Don't feed the drama, but empathise with the issues. Yep, it's a big mess. Yep, it's scary. Oh, I hear ya kid, you feel overwhelmed...........so what are you going to do? Let HIM own his emotions, his problems, and his success, and be the mentor that helps him learn to stand on his own two feet - with a lot of guidance, but very few commands.


Anyhow, just a few thoughts I had.
__________________
Left DS because of lack of virus control.
LilyGrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2008, 05:50 AM   #4
xxMommato2xx's Avatar
xxMommato2xx
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,885
My Mood:
Re: DS wants to make his own rules. (7yo)

I agree with LilyGrace. good advice.

I wish there was a magic button to make it all easier, but unfortunately there is not. but since you have a history of this behavior in your childhood, maybe it'll make it better because you understand more than the average person. Let him know you had this problem, so he doesnt feel alone.

HUGS
__________________
Heather. married momma to Sadie (8y), Jack (4y), and Ryan (1y).
Cloth diapering, baby wearing, gardening, gluten free eating family.
xxMommato2xx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2008, 04:12 PM   #5
Honduh Chicken's Avatar
Honduh Chicken
Registered
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Posts: 1,068
My Mood:
Re: DS wants to make his own rules. (7yo)

Thanks everyone for all the great advise! I'm going to take a few different approaches before I lose hope.

I asked his teacher if she could initial his assignment notebook nightly to be sure he isn't trying to "skirt around" any home work and she kind of made a big deal about it. She said (in not so many words) that if I can't trust my boy to write his homework down then it's a home issue that needs to be resolved. I agree, it is, but it's not like I'm asking her to write the work in there FOR him, just glance at it and make sure it's accurate!
Honduh Chicken is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.