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Old 09-18-2006, 08:47 AM   #11
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

It sounds like talking to him brought about 'good' results. I agree that they shouldn't be together without supervision that your most comfortable with. Regardless of who those people are (Grandparents, siblings, friends, sorry to say but sometime parents) it's most important that your child(ren) are safe and you feel comfortable about them being in their care.

I'm an Oprah fan and there was one episode that really keeps coming into my mind. Basically, it reiterates that if you feel like something is wrong that it's best to go with that feeling even if it doesn't make sense to you. It's hard sometimes to go with that because you think your 'reading' into it or whatever, but keeping yourself, your children and your family safe is the most important and it's better to be wrong than find out later you should have gone with your instinct.

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Old 09-18-2006, 01:00 PM   #12
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

for you and dd...thank goodness it didn't go any further than it did, but it's still way too far! I would definately say NOT to leave them alone again even with the counseling b/c seriously, who is to say that it has changed? It's the best thing for her to not be exposed to him anymore, but since it's family, that is a bit hard...the best you can do is to keep her out of his reach. I hate to sound like this child is a monster, and since I don't know him, he could be an otherwise 'normal' child. However, this is just one of the signs that can predict future problems with a child.
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Old 09-18-2006, 01:36 PM   #13
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

You did the right thing! I am so glad you talked to your brother. I hope they do get his son into counseling.

One of my favorite sayings is "God throws you a few pebbles before you get hit with a stone." In other words, we shouldn't ignore the warning signs. You are a good mama for taking action.
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Old 09-18-2006, 01:43 PM   #14
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

ETA I just read that you talked to your brother sorry I was too fast to post rather then reading first


I am sorry I am sure I will get flamed but my Ex boyfriends son was touching my nephew who was he same age and also his own sister who was 6 years younger like I am talking a baby! this is NOT cool I would put a stop to it right away. I broke up with my ex so he could and would have any reason to be around my nephew!
If I was in your place I would not allow the children to be together PERIOD!

IMO something has happened to this boy for him to be doing this at his age and from what I am getting more then once. I would look into this if I was you and keep him away from my kids regardless of them being boys or girls!

Sorry I am just very passionate about this!
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Old 09-18-2006, 01:44 PM   #15
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

Quote:
Originally Posted by bethkay
One of my favorite sayings is "God throws you a few pebbles before you get hit with a stone." In other words, we shouldn't ignore the warning signs. You are a good mama for taking action.
Good saying! And good for you Momma for taking care of this. I can't imagine how hard it was to talk to the brother about this. Well done.
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Old 09-18-2006, 01:47 PM   #16
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

Man - I would have been just as upset. I'm *so* glad your brother handled the situation so well and is going to get counseling for his son. I think your not letting your brother or your parents watch her is a very good plan. to both of you!!
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Old 09-18-2006, 02:11 PM   #17
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....


Glad you were able to talk to your brother. Definitely the kids need to be supervised, and cousin definitely needs to go into counseling. Hopefully they will learn through counseling that he just picked up some bad habits from neighbor kids, and not that he was the victim of one of them. I worked as a crisis volunteer for a little while (answering the hotlines) and usually they say when kids exhibit weird behavior in that department, it's a big red flag.

GL mama!
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Old 09-18-2006, 02:25 PM   #18
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

Quote:
Originally Posted by madalexsmom
I talked to my brother just a bit ago and he is very upset. He did say Jayson was exposed to it in his past (by some local neighbor kids) so that is most likely where he learned it. He is going to talk to my SIL about it and together they will talk with Jayson and also look into counsling. I also told him that we will not seperate ourselves from them but they will not watch any of my kids again (nor will my parents) and that I will always be supervising my kids around him (as well as everyone else). She will NEVER be alone with him again. He totally understood and was also very upset as this is his neice and we are all very close. I understand kids being interested but my daughter is only 4 and he is 7, he should certainly know better.
I am so glad your brother was understanding. I think you did the right thing in talking with him.
What a tough situation.
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Old 09-18-2006, 02:26 PM   #19
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

You did so many right things; good for you! A couple of additional comments:

1. I have a boy with ADHD, now 11. ADD kids tend to run about 3 years behind in terms of emotional and self-control issues, so if this boy has anything like this, it might explain his behavior -- and also, counseling will help.

2. It sounds like you'd feel better if you could talk to your almost-nephew at some point too, and let him know why you were so upset. Hearing it from you as well as from his parents will help clear the air and reinforce the message. But don't back down about your being there to supervise at all times.

Kudos to your DD for telling you about it, too. Really, in many ways, this is a good outcome -- you taught her an important lesson in self protection, and in the ways that you will protect her.
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Old 09-18-2006, 02:31 PM   #20
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Re: How do I handle this? Disturbing to say the least....

Thank you very much for taking action! You are such a smart/courageous mama to see the warnings and take heed. I was abused as a child so I am always wary. You also taught your daughter a very, very, very valuable lesson. That when she tells you something like this that 1. you believe her 2. you will do something about it and 3. it wasn't her fault.

I don't even know you but am proud of you.

That is awesome that you spoke to your brother and that they are going to do something. It sounds like your nephew needs some counseling. He needs to be taught appropriate physical boundaries or things could quickly get out of hand. It wasn't his fault that something happened to him but eventually it will be his fault if he harms others.
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