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Old 09-19-2006, 10:00 AM   #1
bethkay
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Unhappy DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

I am really worried this is a problem. She is scared to go outside. She is scared of bees. She is scared of dogs. She is scared of bugs. She is scared of going to sleep. She is scared to get in the car on her side.

She's scared of everything. I practically have to shove her out the door to play outside. What's wrong?? Is this normal for a 9 year old. I am worried.

Anyone experience this? What do I do?? HELP.

Beth

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Old 09-19-2006, 10:06 AM   #2
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. No, it doesn't sound normal, but more importantly, it sounds extremely debilitating. My son was afraid of everything, like your daughter (hairs in the bathtub, flies, bees, heights, dogs, etc etc etc). Is that your daughter's only symptom or are there other things going on? Did something trigger this? Has there been a loss in the family? (you don't have to answer that, just stuff to think about) She might benefit from seeing a counselor, if that doesn't help and you are dealing with true phobias, you should look into taking her to a Pediatric Psychiatrist (make sure the Pdoc is board certified for pediatric psychiatry). I hope this is something less extreme, but if it is not, please know that in most cases it is manageable and others know what you are going through. Please PM me if you would like more resources.
Best of luck!
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Old 09-19-2006, 10:17 AM   #3
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

As far as I know, honestly there is nothing I can think of that would have triggered this. She has a great family. My parents are wonderful and she adores them. My inlaws are wonderful. She has had no serious traumas in her life.

So all this is really out of the blue and it scares me. I just don't know how to handle it or how to help her. She not depressed or anything like that. Just scared of everything.
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Old 09-19-2006, 10:21 AM   #4
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

What type of television is she watching? I get very upset with DH cuz he'll watch Law & Order and stuff like that in front of dd #1 , who is 5.

Something might have triggered it from tv.
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Old 09-19-2006, 10:24 AM   #5
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

I usually let her watch disney or nickelodean. I try to keep her from watching anything bad. She does watch Teen Titans sometimes, but I don't think that is scarey. I'll have to watch with her sometime to make sure.
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Old 09-19-2006, 11:10 AM   #6
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

She is also very shy at school and around her classmates. But not other places.
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Old 09-19-2006, 11:35 AM   #7
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

Is there a counselor at her school you can talk to? That may be helpful.
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Old 09-19-2006, 11:39 AM   #8
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

I don't think they have a counselor. I can check into that though. It's a small private school.
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Old 09-19-2006, 01:09 PM   #9
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

Hey there!

Sorry you're having trouble. Has the behavior/fears increased all of a sudden recently?

I haven't experienced this exact scenario, so I'm no expert, but I do know that at her age structure/responsibility is very important. Does she have certain chores/tasks/responsibilities that she is expected to do at specific times? She's getting older and needs to feel competent and needed which will give her self-confidence, then new/different things or things she's not used to won't be as likely to freak her out. Let her help with younger siblings, give her jobs/tasks that help you around the house so she feels like she's contributing. We've always taught our kids that every member of the family is needed to keep the household running properly and has responsibilities and that they are expected to be actively involved...it's not just my and dh's job. Even at two they could pick up toys and put them in a basket, put a diaper in the trash (we used 'sposies with the older two ), and put clothes in the hamper. My motto is kind of "Anything they are capable of doing, they do."

I know I see similarities in personality between her and my dd (must be why they get along! ) and I've had to really work hard on dd to help her develop confidence, be capable, and not be afraid of things. She's still shy in a lot of situations. Not so with ds...his personality is totally different and he WANTS to do everything on his own and has no fear! Both our dds are the oldest and the firstborn seems to be more serious/cautious a lot of the time (holds true for both me and dh and our respective siblings too).

Another biggie is knowledge...of how things work, etc. so that she sees there's no need to fear them. For example, if she's scared of bees, learn about bees...how they make honey, etc. Get books from the library, watch a video.

Scared of going to sleep...that one stands out to me...has she had bad dreams lately, or has someone told her something scary about someone dyeing in their sleep? I ask that because I knew someone once who was told as a small child that Grandma had just "gone to sleep forever" when she died, and this poor kid was terrified to go to bed after that! Also, I've heard of the children's prayer "Now I lay me down to sleep..." scaring some kids ("if I should die before I wake...).

(Okay...trying to pick up my train of thought here...I got interrupted by a phone call from SIL for about 30 minutes!)

The comment that she is very shy at school and around her classmates but not other places...it sounds like she is not confident at school, so she's shy, but in other situations where she feels confident, she's not. Some kids are always just naturally more shy, too...I was at that age, and dd tends to be in similar settings also. It's hard to tell how that might be improved without observing how her teachers interact with her...whether they encourage her and do things that are confidence-building. Shy kids need a little more encouragement than more naturally outgoing kids from teachers/authority figures.

Okay, I'm writing a book here...

We'll talk more next time we get together...sorry I haven't answered your email yet...I was planning to do that today. It's been crazy with dh out of town plus we have a few more events/activities than normal this week (going away party for friends, a birthday party, FIL in town, grandma in hospital).

Hope some of my rambling made some sense and might be helpful...

Don't stress too much...I think the issue can definitely be dealt with and dd is a pretty normal little girl!

We'll talk more soon...
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Old 09-19-2006, 01:29 PM   #10
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Re: DD scared of everything? She's 9. HELP ME.

Hey Kara!

Thanks for the reply. The fears have always been there, but in the past, they seemed more normal. Like normal kid fears. Now it seems like they are getting really out of hand. It's every little thing. I had to practically shove her outside to play yesterday. Most kids like to go play!

I try not to get mad at her for being scared of everything, because I know it isn't her fault. But I think it is more that I am mad that I have to see her suffering. No one wants to see their baby suffer. I just don't want her to live her life afraid. And then again, what if it's nothing and it passes? Or what if it's not, and I wait too long to do anything about it?

I do need to give her more chores and such. Most week days are filled with homework, so then I try not to overload her with other stuff. But I know it is still important. Definately will start working on the self esteem issue. She seems confident with herself, but scared to try new things.

Her school teachers seem nice and they say she participates, but could talk a little louder. I wish she felt more comfortable with the other kids. She likes them, but I think she is afraid to approach them alot of the time.

The sleep issue, is one I don't know how that started. She just is scared to go to sleep. I don't know why. I am not even sure she knows. It's like she doesn't want to be alone or something. However, her little sister sleeps in there with her, so she's not alone and does her best to keep both of them awake!

Anyway, I just have been praying for her and hopefully I will take her down the right path. Email me!
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