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Old 05-21-2008, 09:52 AM   #1
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When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

Do you and your DH ever disagree on things that are really important to you? How do you deal with it? I'm talking things that you are not willing to compromise on.

Examples:
~I'm anti-vax and my DH wanted to delay vax. Now that Sean is older he wants him to get all his vaxes whereas I still don't.

~I want to keep Sean rear-facing in his carseat for as long as I can, like until he reaches the upper weight limit stated on the carseat. DH wants to turn him forward-facing as soon as possible so he can "have a better view."

~I want to put locks on the kitchen cabinets, drawers and refrigerator now that Sean is more mobile and getting around the house on his own. DH rolled his eyes when I bought the locks saying that it'll be a pain in the butt for him (DH) now to get into the drawers.

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Old 05-21-2008, 10:07 AM   #2
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

Research. The person with the least logical opinion (and nothing to back it up) loses, though it very very rarely comes to a serious front where we're both researching and sitting down to discuss, etc.

I'd certainly be showing him extended rear-facing research, videos, etc.
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Old 05-21-2008, 10:37 AM   #3
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

those are mostly safety issues that you are correct on. sorry dh!

my dh and i disagree about things such as his family and some discipline issues.
for the most part i am always right
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Old 05-21-2008, 10:44 AM   #4
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

usually we compromise. for example, i want my kids to get all A's, he's fine with C's. So we expect (high) Bs with the occassional A or C. More than 1 C, no sports. DH usually defers to my opinion about most things - he's more of a go with the flow, and we have most of the same ideas. But the research and logical thing is good to.
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Old 05-21-2008, 10:44 AM   #5
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

DH tends to let me lead the way when it comes to making decisions. I told him after the fact that we had delayed the MMR vaccine and we're not getting the chicken pox or guardasil vaccine. He trusts my "mom instincts" and knows I have done more research than he has. As for the locks on the cabinets, I would explain that I am the one home with him the majority of the time, so unless he wants to come home and clean up the mess made by your LO, we are getting cabinet locks. I don't think we have had any major disagreements when it comes to choices yet, but if this new LO is a boy we will be having the circ or no circ debate, and that will be one based on research.
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:13 PM   #6
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

Usually DH tends to defer decisions about the kids to me - as I am the one who has done all the research. He didn't want to CD - but I showed him all the research I did and how much money we will save each month so he agreed. I wanted to RF for as long as possible, DH thought it was a pain to get them in and out of their carseats while they were RF, but after I showed him all the statistics, he relented.

Neither of us were all that interested in putting holes in our cabinets but still wanted to keep our kiddos safe so we comprimised but putting up all the dangerous stuff (cleaning chemicals, glassware, etc) and all the stuff we didn't want the girls getting into, way up high. The cleaning stuff is in a top cabinet in the laundry room - a pain when I need to clean the kitchen - but its only for a while. All the bottom drawers and cabinets in the kitchen are filled with tupperware, dish towels, cookie sheets, pots and pans - stuff I don't care if they are touched or played with. We will rearrange everything in a few years when the girls are older.

My kids are vaxed on-time so I am no help there.

Good luck!
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:19 PM   #7
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

I really wanted to put more cabinet latches on but DH didn't. He won that battle bc he installs them! If I was really adament he'd give in. As it is I think we'll have to do one more drawer bc they're cheese grators and slicers (with a blade) in there. Maybe not though, she's shut it on her finger a few times (it's a very heavy large drawer) and is not all that inclined to go near it again.
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:25 PM   #8
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

I win. Because I've done the research. DH used to argue with me, but when I decide something for Jack it's for a good reason and I'm not budging for someone who thinks "well, everyone else does." He was pro-circ and pro-vax and now is... well, I don't think he's against either honestly. But he would never circ our kids, he wouldn't have the heart, and vaccines now worry him just as much as not vaccinating used to. On things like carseats, when asked what he thinks, his general response is "I like what you like."
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:27 PM   #9
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

I may get flamed for this but when it comes to things like that I submit to DH...That being said - He is a Godly leader with our kids best interests in mind and he listens to me and researches himslef and usually we end up with the same viewpoint. I bring him all the info that I feel he needs to make an educated decision and then I I submit and pray he will make a Godly decision. I don't know if you are Christian or not but that is how it works in our family
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Old 05-21-2008, 01:56 PM   #10
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

Thankfully my DH is pretty open to about everything I'm doing [even when he doesn't agree]. He knows I research a lot and respects that. I have to say he has compromsied on pretty much everything and I've gotten my way

No he HATES have the childproof things on the cabinets because he's all about getting in and out quick and easy. But once I told him he can start picking up all the pots and pans and such everyday he quickly piped down!! LOL...

The only issue we are really having [and it's not a fight or anything], is the circumcision issue for DS #2 on the way. DH knows though that there's no real need and his biggest concern was that DS #1 IS circumcised [a decision I deeply regret] and what will DS #2 think.
BUT for that I had a thread and had mamas post about their experiences and he's going to read it and I'm going to show him the video of it being done.

And really if I say flat out NO WAY he'll respect it.
Gosh I have a great DH...

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