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Old 05-21-2008, 05:16 PM   #11
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

DH and I have disagreed on many parenting issues, but he always winds up deferring to me because I have done the research, and he flat won't do it. The rearfacing carseat thing was the hardest, but since DD has always tolerated rearfacing extremely well, his flimsy "she can't see anything back there" argument got him nowhere. Any time it's a healty and safety issue, I win, because I won't let anyone, no matter how well intentioned, endanger my baby. I just try to find the right angle to use to help DH agree with me.

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Old 05-21-2008, 05:32 PM   #12
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

We dont really disagree that often (on important things), because I usually get him to see my way, meaning I do lots of research and show him why its a good/not a good thing. We are having a big problem with the circ issue, his ONLY reason for wanting to have it done with ds #2 is because he doesnt want the baby to feel different. For me, it is not a good enough reason to do something again that i so deeply regret doing to ds #1. I don't know how we're going to handle it, I don't like leaving him out of decisions, but its not something we can compromise on
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:08 PM   #13
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

We don't really disagree on a lot of parenting issues because DH doesn't really know much about them. I do all the research, show him what I find, say "is this alright with you" and he usually is fine with it. He says I know more about this stuff than him. One area he said no to is extended rear-facing--he's really tall and can't get the drivers seat far enough back if she's rear-facing (we have 2 carseats so we can't just put her on the other side) so he says its not safe in his case, and also dd gets carsick so I'm not sure it would be good for her.

If we have a boy we'll be in agreement to not circ because dh is British and would never allow it
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:11 PM   #14
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

I have a very very dominant personality, dh is very laid back, so I get my way most of the time. Dh also knows that I don't make decisions without doing the research first, so he trusts me to make the right decisions. He would never argue about something like safety items, he knows that convenience for the adults is not worth the risk to the kids, especially with Tharen who used to put everything in his mouth. The carseat is the same way, they wouldn't have such high weight limits if rearfacing wasn't safer so we kept him rearfacing till he reached the weight limits. Vaccines we came to the decision on together, because of what happened to Kearnan there was no doubt that we would never vaccinate again. He is always happy to hear my newest research though, he gets as frustrated as I do about it. Circumcision was the only thing he even put up any argument on, and it wasn't a very strong one. I told him we wouldn't do it, that there was no reason and he said fine. He did whine a touch about Tharen feeling like the odd one out because he (dh) and Kearnan were both circ'd (Kearnan was done at the hospital without consent). I showed him the Penn & Teller BS episode on circumcision and now he is an intactivist. He goes around telling all of his friends why they shouldnt' circ their kids.

We try to decide things based on who feels the strongest about something. And because of my personality type that tends to be me. But if we both feel just as strongly it comes down to research. Who ever has done the most wins unless the other is willing to put in the time. But so far it hasn't come to that. We agree on most things and on the few things we have had issues on it has been easy enough to get past them. I don't know what I would have done if he had insisted on circ or vaxing. We probably would have divorced instead of having more kids. There are certain things I won't waiver on, and those are the two big ones. As for safety concerns, common sense tends to win out. And you have the common sense on your side. Which is more important, your dh being able to get into the cabinet easily or your child having access to poisons or sharp tools? Which is more important, your child having a "better view" or your child being protected from internal decapitation? On small things like that i would just stand my ground and tell him this is what is safest for our child so this is what we are doing. Chances are they aren't a big enough deal to him for him to do much more than fuss a little. If he really makes a huge fuss you could always show him some research on extended rearfacing and childhood poisonings ect. Might make him change his mind.
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Old 05-21-2008, 06:32 PM   #15
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

The only thing I gave in on was FF in the car - we didn't turn him around until 16 months though - so at least he wasn't just a year. I have delayed all vax's, switched to CDs and MADE DH put the locks on the cabinets.
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Old 05-21-2008, 09:34 PM   #16
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

We constantly argue over CIO.....
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Old 05-21-2008, 09:48 PM   #17
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

We used to really "debate" these types of topics. But now it's to the point where I won so many times in a row that he's just given in to the reality that, at least when it comes to this, I'm right.
Sometimes I have to reiterate my point, and remind him why we defaulted to my opinion, but if I truly believe something is in our kids' best interests, I don't waver. Period.
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:39 AM   #18
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

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We constantly argue over CIO.....
Yeah I will say this is one area that DH is for and I'm totally against. And when I'm home I win! LOL...
Now I will say DH tries EVERYTHING first. It's only a last resort of him, but still...
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Old 05-22-2008, 07:17 AM   #19
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

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Originally Posted by logansmomma07 View Post
We dont really disagree that often (on important things), because I usually get him to see my way, meaning I do lots of research and show him why its a good/not a good thing. We are having a big problem with the circ issue, his ONLY reason for wanting to have it done with ds #2 is because he doesnt want the baby to feel different. For me, it is not a good enough reason to do something again that i so deeply regret doing to ds #1. I don't know how we're going to handle it, I don't like leaving him out of decisions, but its not something we can compromise on
Not to hijack, but I'm in this SAME position. My dh and I tend to agree about the same things - RFing, latches, locks, BFing's, cosleeping (he's even MORE into that than I am), etc. BUT the circ issue? We have a circed DS. I find that was a big mistake, and do not want to circ #2 IF this baby is a boy.
We have been butting heads on this for months - and months. His thing is that they "won't match" each other. Who cares, right? Men are weird.
My midwife doesn't do circ's, so I think the hassle of him bringing the baby to the ped later on to have it done might be enough of an obstacle.

As for vax, etc. I give him references. Not hysterical, one sided references, but clear, concise data. Books, websites, articles, etc. I try not to steamroll him with too much information. I ask him, "what do you think of this approach" and get his opinion. I try not to boss him, or talk at him, etc.
He has gone from someone who was afraid of my son as newborn and wouldn't hold him and wanted him to sleep in his crib, to a baby wearing, Dr. Sears quoting, cosleeper who writes letters to companies when they are anti-BFing. We still have the circ issue, and if he wasn't so obsessed with his own it might be easier. It's the final frontier in our family...
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Old 05-22-2008, 09:11 AM   #20
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Re: When you and DH disagree on things that you find important?

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Not to hijack, but I'm in this SAME position. My dh and I tend to agree about the same things - RFing, latches, locks, BFing's, cosleeping (he's even MORE into that than I am), etc. BUT the circ issue? We have a circed DS. I find that was a big mistake, and do not want to circ #2 IF this baby is a boy.
We have been butting heads on this for months - and months. His thing is that they "won't match" each other. Who cares, right? Men are weird.
My midwife doesn't do circ's, so I think the hassle of him bringing the baby to the ped later on to have it done might be enough of an obstacle.

As for vax, etc. I give him references. Not hysterical, one sided references, but clear, concise data. Books, websites, articles, etc. I try not to steamroll him with too much information. I ask him, "what do you think of this approach" and get his opinion. I try not to boss him, or talk at him, etc.
He has gone from someone who was afraid of my son as newborn and wouldn't hold him and wanted him to sleep in his crib, to a baby wearing, Dr. Sears quoting, cosleeper who writes letters to companies when they are anti-BFing. We still have the circ issue, and if he wasn't so obsessed with his own it might be easier. It's the final frontier in our family...
We are having this issue too!!!!
I mean DH is open to looking at the research and even KNOWS there is no good reason to do it. Plus I told him it was $300 out of pocket and we don't have that in our budget! I'm not above using money as a tool to get him to see we are NOT circumcising this time!

I'm going to show him the video too...I couldn't even make it through the video! So hopefully that will help convince him beyond all doubt!!
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